Group Therapy

My boyfriend doesn't believe in marriage.

Thu, 25 Feb 2010 21:56:38 -0800

I've been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years. He is 28 and I am 23. I dated a guy for almost 8 years before my current boyfriend so I am getting to the point in my life where I am wanting to get married, engaged, or at least know that it will happen one day. I really feel like this guy is the one, we have so much fun together, been through a lot and I just really love him! The problem is he claims he doesn't believe in marriage. I knew this from the beginning but I was hoping it was something that would fade with time. But it hasn't and its starting to really bother me. I ask him if it has anything to do with his parents divorce some 15 years ago, or the hard break up he had with his last girlfriend but he denies it. Saying that he thinks people get married because they think they have to and it doesn't bring anything to the relationship but complications. The weird thing is he grew up and still attends church regularly. My argument is that I feel like I will never officially will be a part of his family. He wants kids soon and I do not want a different last name as my kids. Plus I will always feel like I'm doing something wrong when we attend church, believe in God but live together in sin. And in 20 years will we still be introducing each other as boyfriend and girlfriend? Plus it will be easier to walk away when things get hard, instead of working together to make it work. I know he is not afraid of commitment because he says he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, but I can't help but want to know that a marriage between us could be in our future. But every time I bring it up he gets mad and I get frustrated.
Is this common? What can I do to get some comfort with the situation?

The suspense is killing me

Mon, 28 Sep 2009 16:08:53 -0700

Met up with a friends friend in a bar Friday night who told us to come out because she had three guys sitting at her table that she invited over. She is married--just likes to have fun when she goes out-- and my friend and i are single so she wanted to share the love. So we decided to stop by after a show we went to...i get there and there are indeed three guys...i sat down and thought nothing of anyone other than they were nice, except a guy sitting next to me who offered his seat. He was quiet but then started chatting with me...then i noticed how incredibly sexy he was. We were both sober. We had a great connection-- were laughing and having fun. Flirty but not too flirty. Told me he liked me--not in a 'i want to take you to bed now kind of way,' more like a 'i am interested in your personality and stories kind of way'--complimented my smile and noted how i was smiling the whole night at everyone, all my friends said he was checking me out repeatedly when i was not looking. He didnt talk to anyone else...none of my friends...asked for my number when i left and then they left right after we all did. I have yet to hear from him...the suspense is killing me. I know, i have heard it before--hes just not that into you. but all signs at least pointed to a friendship. Its not like i insinuated i want to jump his bones...if anything it was all him. ugh, tell me to move on or to just ...something. he was just so damn sexy. i have his number too because he called me right after he entered mine in his phone but i dont want too seem desperate. i know i should just leave it be and if i hear from him than i do..and if i don't, i don't. I mean, it's only Monday right? ha ughhh. who else has been here!!?? An no, i am not a bar rat who gets numbers like that. I literally have never chatted with someone for three hours, sober, had a connection and felt decent about it. Decent enough to exchange numbers.

Not sure what to do?

Mon, 24 Aug 2009 09:30:26 -0700

I really like this guy but I am not sure if he is into me! Help!

My crash and burn relationship - any hope?

Wed, 12 Aug 2009 15:07:41 -0700

Okay, here goes... I met a guy who lives in the same neighborhood as me a few months ago and after getting to know him a little bit I began having the major hots for him. He was just so sexy to me I could hardly stand it. We began talking and it turns out we have a lot of common interests and some similar views on life. Whenever we would talk I would play it really cool and relaxed so he couldn't tell how much I liked him because I know guys can be turned off by women coming on too strong. Anyway, after a month of chatting on the street every other day or so when we would run into each other, he invited me to a party he was having. I had a really good time talking to him and his friends. After everyone else had left for the night, we started talking and he got all serious and then declared his feelings for me. He told me how interesting, smart and sexy he found me and how easy I was to get along with. Then he told me how he had already talked to his family and friends about me because he liked me so much. I was stunned. Up to this point, I didn't think he had the same feelings as I did for him, I just thought he was being friendly to me because he has a lot of friends and is really outgoing.
We went out three times, once for coffee, once to a movie and once to the park. A week ago he told me he was starting to feel overwhelmed by his feelings for me. He told me he had been engaged eight years ago and that things ended really badly for him and since then he hasn't been in a long-term relationship. He also told me how his mom had left him when he was young and how upset he was when his dad died that he had to quit one of his jobs a few years ago. I think he has an issue with abandonment. This was all surprising to me because before all this came out I had the impression of him as being one of these tough guys who isn't bothered by anything and just bounces back from hurt.
Then told me that when he met me, it was the first time he had such strong feelings for someone since his ex-fiancee left eight years ago. I told him we should take a week off from each other because he was obviously going through some sort of torment so I suggested we shouldn't text or call. We then met in person a week later and he broke things off because he says relationships just hurt people and he just wants to be on his own for the rest of his life. He texted me five times later that night asking if we could be casual. In his final text to me, he took it all back and he said he was sorry and that he should not have asked to be casual. I didn't respond to any of his texts because I was starting to feel all jostled about. I saw him on the street a day later and he apologized again and I kissed him on the cheek and said I had to go meet up with my friends. I acted like everything was okay but I was a little upset. He looked really tired and in a bit of pain. That was five days ago and I haven't seen or heard anything since. I haven't called him because I'm sure he needs some time alone but at the same time I hope that he doesn't think that I hate him or anything. I am an independent woman but I would still like to have him in my life because I find him really attractive on the inside too. I'm not really sure how to go about this whole thing.

money matters in dating

Tue, 11 Aug 2009 10:07:40 -0700

i've been dating this guy about a month and a half and we've gotten quite close.. everything else is good but the way he handles money bothers me.

For instance, he and I and two of our friends went out for dinner. we all chipped in for ourselves at the end but he had gotten an alcoholic drink and we had to pick up the cost for that as we just split the check 4 ways. My friend hinted for him to pick up the tip but he never offered even when it was put out so blatantly. this has been bothering me and i want to talk to him about it

Another time, he and i went out to this thing where everything was paid for because he got the passes from someone. On our wayout, we asked me if i had cash to tip the valet. i told him i have a fiver and a dollar.. he said i just need 2-3 dollars.. but he took the 6 from me and gave to the valet when i''m postive that he had cash on him as well. in this situation am i being petty that he asked me for a few dollars.

also he was teasing me about us getting chicken wings cos i wanted them and him having to pay for it. Well i was going to get it but he made a smart ass comment so i told him that just for that he can get it. So he might have been being playful about it like i was

my ex was the stingiest guy around so i just might be over reacting on this as i'm trying to break away from that type .. your prespective please?
Also, should i bring it up with him while we are still dating and not in a relationship?

How clingy is too clingy?

Mon, 10 Aug 2009 13:19:08 -0700

A friend and I had been talking about dating and all the issues that come with it. She sent me this link as a follow-up to the conversation: http://www.ranker.com/list/the-seven-deadly-sins-of-dating/litgoddess
I found it really troubling and somewhat offensive. I think these kind of rules just ruin dating. I've been in a stable relationship and have been dating for awhile, what's so wrong about thinking about the future (2)?
Although I agree that I shouldn't take over someone's life (5), isn't it reasonable to expect that my boyfriend spend some amount of time with me and isn't always out with his friends?
I definitely have had boyfriends who are clingy (6) and why shouldn't I express how much I love someone? We all feel insecure sometimes and like reassurance.
Do we really need these "rules"?

Condoms during oral sex?

Mon, 20 Jul 2009 17:29:00 -0700

Hey guys,

I've only ever been with one guy (and he's only been with me) so I am not super "experienced" and don't know the answer to this. My friend and I were discussing oral sex and how to be safe, and I read somewhere that your guy is supposed to wear a condom when you perform oral sex on him. I can't imagine that being too great for either of you or that he'd want to, but if you are with someone who has been with other people, what are you supposed to do in this situation to be safe? What do you guys usually do about this?

Thanks

Condoms during oral sex?

Mon, 20 Jul 2009 17:29:00 -0700

Hey guys,

Thanks

Want to make up for lost time

Tue, 14 Jul 2009 10:07:48 -0700

I'm what you might call a late bloomer, I didn't lose my virginity until I was 29. I'm 34 now and feeling like I missed out on a lot of fun, not just the sex, but dating mostly. There are times when I feel like I just want to be married (I think that's natural at my age) but at the same time I have conflicting feelings about this because I feel I haven't dated enough or experienced different people. I average maybe one date a year. I'm single right now. It's hard to meet people because I work in an office full of women and my social circle is not that big and most guys that I meet in my age group lately are either in a relationship or turn out to be depressive types.
My question is this: I recently started taking a science class on Saturdays at the university because I've always really been interested in it. The thing is, my class is almost all university-age guys, aged between 20-22 (I'm guessing.) There are only three other girls. I'm often told I look 25 so I have no problem blending in. There is one guy whom I find particularly good-looking and nice, but I can't help feel like it would be wrong to start showing an interest in him because of the age difference. Also, I'm not sure if he'd really want to date someone of my age who has an established career. We bumped into each other on the street a few days ago and he gave me a big smile. Should I go for it, have fun and make up for lost time, or should I just resign myself to being dateless for god who knows how much longer?

I broke up with him 7 months ago - why does it still sting?

Tue, 14 Jul 2009 08:37:15 -0700

I dated a guy for about 3 months, last September - December. I broke up with him because the relationship just wasn't moving forward and it was missing excitement.

Now he's started dating again for the first time since me and is already doing things with her he wouldn't do with me, like attend family events and asking her to stay over during the week. She even brings her son with her, and he rushes home at night to tuck him in.

It stings. I hate to admit it, but it does. What can I do to forget about it? I've been dating other guys but it doesn't make a difference.