in love.. wana marry.. but...

Fri, 09 Jan 2009 05:36:25 -0800

I am a guy seeking ur advice... hope you wont mind a guy posting in ur women's community..

Well me from India where feelings are given second priority over society.. Religion, cast etc are too much prevalent here.. Love marriages are not looked with good eye n when you don't share same religion it's nightmare.. You can find a perfect hypocrite society here.. Girls are emotionally tortured n forced to marry their parent choice n love marriages are far from thought.. Unfortunately we both are from different religion, different cast, i am 2 years younger to her (i am 22 as of now) n i am one of the victim of recession coz of which i am waiting for joining my job from last 6 months..

My story starts when we both met 2 years back over chat n with time came close to each other, she always told me she is not allowed to fall in love n wont be able to complete it.. but we couldn't resist our growing feelings for each other n finally we fell in love..

"LOVE" so great feeling, life feels so like heaven. All was going so wonderful, so perfect, till.. her parents found a match for her n world came crashing down,we both were in big trauma n was not able to find any way as we knew anyhow even if she tell them about me, it would be a big no for me; from her parents side coz above all i don't even have job as of now....

Unable to find any way, I told her to go for court marriage before her parents could part us for ever..But to my surprise she said "NO".. How could she??? n she added.. it will bring a shame for our families.. n fair enough i have a sister younger to me n this defame may create problem in her marriage (i told u about our hypocrite society).

But still i tried to compel her as fear of loosing her was killing me n she replied.. She cant be happy by making her parents sad, she cant live without them, she cant see anyone saying anything to her parents coz of our relation. n above all she loved them..

What about me? Don't you love me? Will you be able to live without me?? i said, n she replied I don't know.. n started crying.. i was feeling mess.. i tried making her feel better but to no use, i couldn't control my emotions either..

To our relief her parents rejected that guy.. n reason was he was getting less pay (n as of now i don even have a job which adds to our misery..) but nothing was over, just got postponed till her parents find other match..

And few days back when i called her; i could feel her low, i asked what was wrong? she said nothing and when i forced her to tell, she replied "No one will ever accept our love" and starting crying,"No one will ever let us meet; we should forget each other",I was left dumbstruck; unable to believe what she said; as if i was not able to breath; a tear rolled out of my eye. Somewhere i knew it was almost impossible for us to meet but listening her saying that almost broke me, Why cant she understand i cant live without her, she is my everything, i know she also loves me so much, needs me, so how can she even think that? We will be living corpse without each other, i know she cant except anyone in her life other than me. Then why she want to make so big sacrifice? Why she want to make her life hell? Why cant she be little selfish for herself? She has no right to spoil her life like this, Why? Even I need her, don't want her to go..

Unable to speak much I asked her, "Will you be able to live without me?" she said "NO" and we broke out crying..

Four things that mess up my life ->
1. I am victim of recession so waiting for joining my job and its no use trying for job as either no jobs are available for freshers or pay is very less so need to wait for 6 months at-least to get my joining (Me placed in MNC).
2. We have different religion and even if her parents agreed someday which is next to impossible, her relatives will never let us marry.
3. Her parents are trying to marry her as soon as possible, she even tried to procrastinate her marriage by going for higher studies but her parents said big NO and added its her age to marry.
4. She not ready to go for court marriage as it will bring lot of defame for her parents and she feels she wont be happy ever making her parents sad.

No one have any right to separate two souls who are so much in love with each other.. but........ misery continues...

Now What should i do??? I am unable to find its answer. Can anyone help me here?

My Boyfriend's Friends Hate Me

Thu, 08 Nov 2007 14:14:19 -0800

Hi Everyone,

OK, I'm the first to admit that I'm very sensitive (even though you wouldn't think it if you knew me) and I really dwell on things and hold things in.

A few months ago my boyfriend's-friend's-girlfriend (whom i know too, but i'm not friends with her...they all have their own little group) said she had the same dress I was wearing and asked me where I bought it and named some store or "boutique" I had never heard of (they moved to the other side of the nation, thank goodness!) -- so, I was a little embarassed because her store sounded fancy, but I'm not a liar so I just said "oh no it was just like JCPenney or one of those, I forget..." and she was like "oh" -- then she turns to her boyfriend and says "i guess they just distrbute them anywhere..."

Later that evening I hear her making a joke about something being cheap or a cheap store or something and specifically mentioned "like JCPenney or something" and started laughing....now I don't think she was talking about me or my dress, but I'm trying to figure out if it was a cheap shot at me because she knew I was in earshot or if she just said it and then realized I was in earshot, because we made eye contact when I heard that, but I just looked away like nothing happened. We can't all afford to shop at high-end boutiques in expensive cities and I have a JCPenney credit card so there wasn't much thinking to do on where to get the dress on my part.

I'm well aware that this girl doesn't like me, but she'll be nice to my face. I'm sure we all know at least one girl like her.

Now the complication comes in because she's pregnant. So baby showers, bridal showers, wedding, etc. I've always just said we can't afford it when my boyfriend wants to go out to visit them, but now I will have to. I don't really have anything "solid" to say she doesn't like me to explain to my boyfriend, but I don't want to go there!!!

I don't smoke, I rarely drink, no one even makes an effort to talk to me....I'm the little girl of a different ethnicity sitting in a corner, basically. We are completely different and if they do say something to me it's usually something ignorant like "you probably think we're crazy eating XXX for breakfast" ...

So what should I do? I understand that yeah, I'm gonna have to go see these people but I definitely want to minimize it or even just send my boyfriend and don't go. But my boyfriend doesn't comprehend that they don't like me and I don't know how to explain it to him. I say they don't talk to me, he says you don't talk to them....I mean, he knows all these people and has a rebuttal for everything. And I don't think the JCPenney crack would matter to him at all, he'd be like so what....

So should I go to these events? Should I explain to him that these people don't like me and to just go alone (which he hates)? I really don't know what to do....I just know I'm gonna be uncomfortable and I won't want to be there and I'll have a terrible time...these people don't even acknowledge me!! They have met me and will walk right by me and not acknowledge me...

And by the way, the above happened at a wedding...and other "don't acknowledge the white girl" happened at other weddings...I really feel like...I don't know....I feel like my race has something to do with it....because for some reason with them, race is brought up often.....

All advice is welcome PLEASE!

Group Therapy

in love.. wana marry.. but...

My Boyfriend's Friends Hate Me