Group Therapy

How can I be a little nicer?

Mon, 25 May 2009 08:20:26 -0700

I am in my early 20's and have moved to a few different states in the past 2 years. I have finally settled down and like where I am and what I do. My husband has had a much easier time adjusting than me, and his attitude has completely changed -- he is more mellow and calm, and I like him no matter how he acts...but my problem is me. I have noticed how I behave...and it's not matching his or those around me. I am a little rough around the edges, sarcastic, and a very light person. I guess I tend to put some people off, especially here, since my jokes and what not and general demeanor can come off as abrasive. I don't feel like a mean person, but maybe I am not as nice as I could be. I am from the north, and my attitude very much reflects that. Nature and nurture have definitely played a part in my behavior -- and it's hard to change. My husband moved around a lot, and therefor never became attached to one place or one way of life. I behave the way I did (and everyone else did) back in my home state -- but I am not there any longer, and having thick skin is not a trait people here tend to have, since everyone is laid back and nice. I want to make an effort to feel less like an outcast because of my attitude...but I like the fire in me. I want to be nicer, but not lose the real me. My husband says that by altering this behavior I will feel more at home and not feel so disconnected with him and other people anymore. He brings up the very real point that I am no longer a people-person because people here just think I am abrasive. I know it...but it's hard for me to stop being me!

I know this sounds like a stupid question -- but how can I be a little nicer? I mean...you can change the voice and what you say -- but niceness is an attitude. I know it's necessary, since I do plan on spending maybe the rest of my life here. Any ideas?

being irrational?

Thu, 12 Feb 2009 11:48:09 -0800

Am I being irrational? I'm ready to end a friendship with a needy, dependent, "world revolves around me" friend. I think this relationship is just causing me more turmoil than good since it started.

I have a friend who became "better" friends with me last year after her and another friend had a falling out. The friend in question is a recovering alcoholic. She tends to have a dependent personality-always needs someone to be with her for anything she does-eat, study, walking. She's not comfortable being by herself. However, in most situations when you are with her, she is the center of the universe and what is going on in her life is the most important thing ever. She's very dramatic and has a tendency to focus on her life and brag. I found anytime I spent with her was just me doing the things she wanted to do. She has her nice moments, but then her moments that also make you want to scream. She has invited herself to dinners to which she had no previous invitation. The last time I went to eat with her was such a situation. Another friend and I were going out to eat at 6.15. We had called a few individuals to see if they wanted to join us. This friend in question who was not originally called at all for an invitation calls at 6.10 after finding out about our dinner and asks "Where are you and Cynthia going? Oh, I love that place, can I come? I'll call my husband too!" She invited herself to dinner and then continued to dominate the entire conversation afterwards with her talk. I was sarcastic to her the whole night since I was annoyed with the situation. She ended the night by telling me "You're such a b*tch." She claims she didn't mean it, but I was shocked by her comments.

I've had to work with her for the last 6 weeks as well. She continues to have lunch with me everyday, pop in while I'm working to talk about whatever is going on in her life while I zone her out by focusing on what I need to do. I've been honest and played down the drama that she claims is going on in her life.

She has finally realized that I'm annoyed. "You've been mean and sarcastic and I've only been nice to you! I haven't done anything to you." However, I feel differently. I feel suffocated in her drama and egotistical notions. I'm tired of her neediness. I've tried to tell her that we've grown apart and people change with time. I don't think she gets it.

Group Therapy: How Do I Deal With His Arrogant and Cocky Bragging?

Mon, 14 Apr 2008 03:00:00 -0700

I have been dating an amazing guy for the last 10 months, however just recently, I've started to realize just how cocky he is. Sure he is a successful and incredibly attractive guy, (at least to me) but is it really necessary to brag about everything? He's constantly letting me know just how many girls stare at him at the bar and he's always going on and on about how great of an athlete he is. Just today he was comparing his ex girlfriends to my ex boyfriends - bragging about how he's dated models. I'm not jealous at all but I can't tell if he's trying to make himself look good in front of me or if he's trying to prove that he's better than me all together. It's like he's in constant competition with everyone around him. I love him to death but this constant bragging has got to stop. It's ruining this relationship for me and really changing my views about him. Has anyone ever been in this kind of situation or have any good advice?

Group Therapy: 21 Questions for a Guy

Thu, 11 Oct 2007 03:00:00 -0700

I've just started talking to this guy. He is potential boyfriend material and I'm afraid that I don't know as much about him as I would like to. I told him that it sort of bothered me that we didn't know too much about each other and he told me to ask him questions I want to know the answers to. So here is MY question for YOU lovely sugars. What types of questions would you ask if you were in my situation?

Keep in mind that I want to know about his past (ex gf's, sex partners, etc.) without asking anything too personal.

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