My boyfriend and I are "taking a break" so I could work out some stressful issues I've been having. I seem to be back to my old self again and now I'm in a bind. It's been 2 1/2 weeks since we have seen or spoken to each other, aside from a couple emails the first two or three days, and one face to face conversation. The conversation was concerning whether I wanted to get back into things with him or just break it for good and move on. There weren't really any issues regarding him, other than the usual tiresome quirks every relationship has.
I realized with our time apart that I am perfectly happy with my life (other than the increased drop in friends as of late), with or without him. On the one hand, when I think about being with him I know I'm so much happier, but on the other, I'm concerned I'm not getting myself out into the "real world" enough and I have a list of things I'd like to do before I get settled.
I'm really into living in the NOW and not thinking/worrying about the future (which seems to negate my previous statement above). It keeps me happiest and the most at ease. This isn't to say I don't prepare myself for obligations and such that I know are going to happen, but with relationships and people in general, you never know what will happen. And that is where the stress came from- I feel like everyone should enjoy the time they have with someone now and not worry if they are going to be with them in the long run. I'm the only person who can ultimately keep me happy and I am very aware of that; I'm not going to rely on someone to bring me happiness; they can add to it, but I'm not going to rely on them for it. He, on the other hand, doesn't think quite like I do. He agrees with me for the most part, but he is very emotional and that tends to get in the way of his "clearer thinking ways" sometimes. Especially when it comes to us.
So now I'm stuck. Should I just continue the break indefinitely, or give it another try after thoroughly explaining everything I feel and believe and we talk about it?
Episode
You didn't really say, but your post is implying that your boyfriend is talking about your future together before you are ready and it is part of what is stressing you out. That is a total guess, but just a feeling I got.
You sound pretty ambivalent about him to me. On one hand you say you are happy with or without him, but then you say you are happier with him, but want to get out in the "real world" more before you are settled.
You sound pretty young and as I said, to me, you sound over this relationship. You also hinted about a drop in friends...related to your boyfriend's demands?
I think you two are probably in different places with your thinking about this relationship and you need to talk to him about that. Just because a guy is a good guy and there aren't any "issues" with him doesn't mean he is right for you to date.
Personally, you just don't sound that into him.
1You can always live in the NOW, that's what we do everyday. Whether or not you think about it you have (usually, God forbid something were to happen) a future, it's not going away. If you're happy with him, why throw a good thing away. In my opinion if you love him enough to want a future with him, then take him and run. Just because you're with someone doesn't mean your life will end (it shouldn't at least). You said you're happy whether or not you're with him, well you should be your own person first before you can create "another person" together (and by that I don't mean another personality, I'm talking about "a relationship). Anyway, if he's not your type, let him go, it will hurt a lot less later on, thought it will hurt now because I'm assuming everything is okay? Anyway, the choice is BOTH of yours. But if one isn't willing, it can't work. It's only natural for him to want a future. I thought that if you were were in a relationship with someone, the logic was that you would be together forever? People have no business being in relationships if they don't consider it to be long term really. Anyway, make sure you make decisions you're not regretting while you make them. You don't know what the future holds, could be worse, could be better, anything could happen. He could not be the one for you, and he could be. Just be happy. Living in the moment is great, but considering the future is also necessary. (Trust me I know, I've/I'm living it, and watching others do it).
2I tend to agree w/ jazzytummy about this one. If you're really not sure, though, just give it some more time. 2 1/2 weeks isn't really that long of a break.
3It sounds to me like you are not sure whether you want to be with him long term, whereas he wants a commitment and talk of the future. Is this scaring you? Are you unsure whether he is right for you for the long term? Or are you just unsure of whether you want a long term relationship at all? I think that there is nothing wrong with living in the moment. But if you were really happy with him in the moment, why did you feel the need to break it off?? I think that perhaps you feel a bit smothered by him. There is no reason that your life should be limited by having a partner. But your partner has to be willing to give you the freedom that you need. Is this why you have not spent as much time with your friends, because dating him was taking up a lot of your extra time? If this is the case, and you decide to get back with him, you need to set your boundaries with him and make sure that you allot enough time to spend with friends every week. There is no reason to jump into a serious relationship if you are not ready for it. But like jazzytummy said, I agree that you really don't seem that upset about the situation. I think that that means that you are not as into him as he is into you. You seem to be really into 'being rational' about the relationship and you seem to view his attitude as less rational and therefore less clear headed. He sounds like he is in love with you, you sound like you really don't care too much one way or the other. Perhaps you need to take a cue from him and start listening to your heart and emotions more often instead of over thinking things. What does your heart say? Is he right for you? Or do you 2 want different things right now? Good luck.
"We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts we make the world." Buddha
4dont try it again coz its hurt
5It sounds like you only want to "try again" to make him happy. He deserves someone who can't live without him, and vice versa.
6Why are you happy keeping the ball in his court? Call his bluff. Tell him it's over and time for both of you to move on. Then cut off all contact for at least a month and reassess the situation then.
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