Group Therapy

Where should I go for Thanksgiving? Am I the Worst Person Ever?

Fri, 20 Nov 2009 11:15:12 -0800

Ok, so here's the deal. Every year my family goes to my grandparents' house for Thanksgiving and Christmas. Im normally a very shy person and it's hard for me to make friends, so I've only ever been to Thanksgiving at someone else's house once. However this year, two things happened: I finally made a close friend, and my friend's parents have invited me to spend Thanksgiving at their house; and my grandfather got sick and had to have a mass removed from his lung. His prognosis is very good for a man in his 80s - they haven't even brought up "timelines" or anything like that, so they don't think he's going to die within the next few years at least. I really really want to go to Thanksgiving with my friend and have a great time, but I don't know if I'll be the worst person ever for doing it since my grandpa got sick. My aunt and uncle have been prodding me too and telling me I need to go to Thanksgiving this year, but I know Thanksgiving will be exactly the same as it is every year, and I'll see my grandparents at Christmas anyway. Am I the worst person ever for wanting to go to my friend's house? Where should I go for Thanksgiving?
Thanks for the advice!

My father is unbearable and I can't get away

Fri, 20 Nov 2009 09:29:14 -0800

This year has been rough for my family. My parents decided to up and leave their California home to move across the country--after quitting their jobs and realizing their new home was not for them they moved back only to lose money, a house, and are jobless in this economy. Myself included in this brought me to live with them again as I was away at school until budget cuts ceased my opportunity to stay there. To save money I am staying with them in a apartment until their purchased home closes.
My Dad is an alcoholic, he is an angry person and lies about a lot. Lately he has been completely out of control, going off on innocent people around us, being outlandish, verbally abusive, rambling to himself and making it unbearable for my brother and Mom. He says he doesn't drink anymore (REFUSES HELP because he "doesn't have a problem") which is hard to believe as he often disappears and comes back sounding strange. I am an adult and not stupid.
I try to bite my tongue but living in such small quarters is so hard with his negativity and lack of care for others. When I confront him about his rude behavior he tells me to leave and he's doing nothing wrong. My mom tries too but he just gets even more angry and thinks everyone is out to get him and that we are the problem. So he then decides to leave and act immature by claiming he will sleep in his car and what not.
He also has prescribed depression pills but he often refuses to take them. Instead he drinks several diet sodas and is jittery all day and awake all night. I think the caffeine has turned him into a monster.
I can't afford therapy...and I can't leave because of my financial situation. It was glorious living on my own but I need to save my money until I can get done with school. I just don't know where to put my head or what to do with him.

How would you feel?

Fri, 20 Nov 2009 08:06:04 -0800

I'm 20 years old and have been dating this guy for 4 years.

Last night, I was using his computer and I saw that he searched for plus size lingerie. My feelings were instantly hurt. I felt so fat! I think that my boyfriend should not make me feel like that! He has never called me fat or anything, but just the fact that he looked at PLUS SIZE lingerie says that he THINKS it! If I ask him if he thinks I'm fat or anything he, of course, denies it. He says that if he thought I was ugly he wouldn't be with me. SOOOO....what now? Am I just overreacting? I am so HURT!

Will he or won't he?

Fri, 20 Nov 2009 06:09:08 -0800

We have been a couple for almost three years. We have lived together for two years. We have a daughter together. Yet, still no signs of marriage?
It really started to bother me last week. We were at a family function and one of his parents friends came over to us. Their friend, introduced him, his daughter, and myself, his "friend". So like, um, seriously, just "friend"? I wash his laundry, cook his meals, raise our child, sleep with him, etc., but I am being intoduced as his "friend" by others. He laughed about it, I expressed how bothered I was by the comment. He asked well how should she have introduced you? My response, at the very least "his daughters mom"? The lady made it seem like I was not her mom, just a random friend. She knows who I am and what our relationship is.
We both come from very traditional lifestyle orianted families. I get snide looks, random comments, and pity when ever our status is brought up. He has vowed full commitment to me, and I to him, on the other hand he says marriage is just a piece of paper! I disagree. We have both been married before. So clearly at some point, it wasn't just a piece of paper? On cards, gifts, letter's, he always signs it with his first name my first name then his last name?
I am so confused. Is it his engineer mind, being a cancer, is their just some sort of communication barrier I am not reading right or seeing through?

Waxing problem

Fri, 20 Nov 2009 00:16:47 -0800

Hi
Hope I can get some good advice here. I'm going on holiday next week and last night I waxed a few hairs off my tummy, call it peach fuzz if you like. It's a little dark in colour and I'm so white which is why I did it. Now I've got tiny little red spots on the places I waxed. I'm glad I did this a week before our holiday cos I think it will clear up by then. What can I do to soothe the redness on my skin. I probably waxed on very sensitive part of my skin. Another problem I'm concerned about is I have made an appointment to get my legs and underarms waxed. I've never done this before and I'm so worried I have the same problem. Perhaps it is because I am not a professional but I used these tiny wax strips and it wasn't that difficult to get rid of the hair because it's so fine.
Any help please? I don't wanna go on holiday with red blotches all over my legs. My appointment is next week, one day before we leave on holidays

think im in love with a guy

Thu, 19 Nov 2009 17:09:38 -0800

I have a friend i have known for 15 years now. Every time we 'catch up with each other..one of us will break up with what ever partner if the other is single..and then..we'll end up i a romantic situation..and not go through with anything one-nighter style....but stay friends and then not talk for a few years sometimes..
One day I helped him find a new girlfriend..a nice one that was treating him well.. i somehow knew I couldnt be with him and thought i wanted him happy.
Again now, we found each other randomly..just going to the same restaurant.. and now like every week we're doing lunch..hes still with that girl..so im happy for him
but its torture not being with him..
If I am dating someone, they will know him as a friend that i am close to but never slept with..but they all will know him..
what the hell is up with this...
I cant be with him because of many differences in lifestyle.. but emotionally i feel very connected, and of course very very attracted to him. I think he has the same thing cause he randomly pops up in my life as I do in his..

Ok, so this might not seem like a big deal to a lot of people, but this is really bothering me right now...

Thu, 19 Nov 2009 04:36:40 -0800

Ok, so this might not seem like a big deal to a lot of people, but this is really bothering me right now. I am 33 years old. My ex boyfriend from high school emailed me a few months ago, asking how I am, etc... I messaged back that I didn't want to maintain contact with him, as it brought back a lot of bad memories. He was my first love and the first person I slept with, I really loved him. In high school, he cheated on me, used me for sex, kissed my two best friends after I broke up with him because he cheated, just generally treated me really bad, etc... I do not understand why he wants to have contact with me, as he is married with 2 young children and lives in a different country. Our moms are still in contact and he got my email address off a group email my mom sent out. Yeah, kind of creepy. So anyways, now I find out that he has joined facebook and has friended my mom and my best friend. Unfortunately, they both have a lot of pictures of me up on their accounts, including some of me and my fiancee. I feel like he has just friended them in order to look up pictures of me and I do not want him to be able to do that, although I know it is probably too late because he has seen what they have up. I would feel weird telling them to take down pictures of me anyways. Sometimes I really hate facebook. I don't know that there is a solution to this issue, I just had to vent how frustrating this is. Thanks for listening sugars.

Met new guy...but he is here temporarily...what to do?!

Wed, 18 Nov 2009 22:14:37 -0800

Hi all,
I am hoping I can get some useful advice, b/c I am very ambivalent about this situation. So I met a guy at a mutual friend's birthday party 2 1/2 months ago. We hit off instantly. Ever since the day we met we see each other about 1 or twice a week. He's great, sweet, smart and fun. I am having a great time. He calls me frequently and doesn't keep me guessing. I love that he doesn't play games. I think this is because he is a bit older. I am 26 and he is 32. So all sounds good...except for the fact that he is only here until February. In February he has to go back home across the country because he is only here while he sets up a new branch of his company. We haven't talked about what will happen or what we want to happen when he leaves. It's only been about 10 weeks so we haven't had "the talk" yet...but I am still wondering what is going to happen. I can't help it. I don't want to get too attached if this thing has an expiration date. But at the same time, it's hard not to get attached when we see each other so often.
Should I bring this up? Or just wait? If I should bring it up, how should I go about doing so?

Thanks in advance!

dazed and confused

Wed, 18 Nov 2009 10:45:26 -0800

I'm a 39 y.o. woman who has been "seeing" a 47 y.o. man. He's a musician in my community and I developed an instant attraction that seems to go far beyond the initial sexy appeal of his guitar playing skills. Simply put, I'm smitten. I pursued him pretty heavy in the beginning and have definitely been the person putting the effort in making contact and arranging our activities. I hate the way this sounds but I am well above average in physical appearance so I'm used to getting the person I pursue. Anyway, we've been spending time together for a couple of months and it's been magical! He's romantic, extremely affectionate, sensitive and sweet as hell. He's introduced me to a couple of friends and he seems proud when he does so. I walk on a cloud when I'm with him and for the next day or two after. Trouble is, he doesn't call me....even after several days have gone by. In his defense, he works a full-time job in addition to the gigs he plays a couple evenings a week. He also bought a house (his first ever) about 3 weeks ago and he is heavily involved in remodeling it. Last weekend I asked him to come out to listen to a visiting band at a local pub. He agreed but at the last minute changed his mind, but failed to tell me this. I confronted him about his rudeness and told him I didn't think he was that in to me and that he should just acknowlege that fact so that I could move on. He asked me if I wanted to talk and offered to pick me up for breakfast. He refused to agree with my assumption and acknowleged his rudeness with an apology. This confrontation was three days ago and I haven't heard from him since. I have a lump in my throat and I feel nauseous. I need some direction here as the agony is just too much!

He said the wrong thing in bed

Wed, 18 Nov 2009 07:29:49 -0800

My boyfriend and I were talking about smelling like each other after sex. It has a sexy talk so I was getting in the mood and it excited me that he has my scent on him for a few days after we had sex. I know I don't smell bad, I make sure I don't. Shower twice a day. He's the one who can skip it a day or two... but that's another story. Particulary we were talking about how our private juices smell and how my scent is left on his penis for days even though he swims in the pool everyday. So when I asked how I smell on him he said it kind of smell like fish. The horror. Who says that to their loving girlfriend in the heat of the moment? I was brought back to earth and offended. I pushed him away, basicly got mad and he noticed it. So he said that it's natural and everybody smells like that when they cum. Really? Than he proceed to say that why would I ask if I didn't want to hear the truth. I mean come on, that's the least sexy thing you can say to a woman. What should I do with this remark? I wanted to smack him really...