A week or so ago I had posted a group therapy about being attacked by my boyfriend's father over somewhat minor incidents because he didn't like me. Well, things have now gone from bad to worse.
I've been living with my boyfriend since early this year, much to the dismay of his parents, especially because our relationship started as long distance and we moved in together after 8 or so months of being together. I met his father in March, he disliked me very much because I am overweight (5'9" and a size 16/18, still well proportioned and cute!) and made a lot of assumptions based on my weight. He took it upon himself to assume that I was lazy, would drag down my boyfriend's future career (which is funny because I graduated college at 20. for some background, my boyfriend will graduate college next may will an education degree), that I was crazy, etc. etc. None of his assumptions reflected who I am at all. I am a very mature, responsible, completely financially independent (at a very young age), compassionate adult. I later met his mother, which I thought went well until some minor incidents recently involving a less than kosher comment I left on my boyfriend's myspace page in November.
My boyfriend called his mother on Monday. They had a 30 minute or so conversation about a lot of different things, but when he brought up that my boyfriend and I had just found the perfect apartment to move into when our current lease is up (he literally got 10 words in) she told him she didn't want to talk about it and hung up on him. He called his father and his father informed him that he thinks that because of my weight, my boyfriend's life will be ruined. He's afraid we'll have medical bills because of health problems that I don't even have. I do have a pin in my hip due to a birth defect when I was much younger, but I don't have any problems with it other than being unable to wear high heels. His father is a triathlete and VERY into fitness, and from what my boyfriend (who in fact is a bit chubbier than I am) has said, has a distinct hate for people who are not thin. His mother is VERY neurotic and panics about everything and it seems that his father has convinced her that I will be in a wheelchair and have all kinds of horrible medical conditions which will ruin my boyfriend's life... which, by the way, is ridiculous.
My boyfriend agrees that his parents are being ridiculous and plans to do what he feels is right and hopes they come around. It's hard because his parents are NOT at all compassionate, emotional people so they are not going to be easily swayed into liking me. They've told my boyfriend that they are refusing to even discuss me or our relationship/living situation/etc. with him period. They said that they would "not let him fail" (they do partially support him financially) but that they certainly think that our relationship will ruin his life. What they are failing to see is that my boyfriend is happier than he has ever been (which he has repeatedly told me and his friends have noticed.) Also, all of his friends like me a lot and think we're great together. In fact, my mother thinks we're wonderful together and she tends to be a huge skeptic about my boyfriends.
Another detail (and I'm sorry this is getting so long)-- I have a history of eating disorders and very, very low self esteem pertaining to my weight. This feels like having someone confirm my worst fear-- which is that because I am chubby I am not worth loving. I'm terrified that his parents constant (everytime they speak) criticism of me will cause me to break and fall back into old habits that I had resolved with a professional.
All of this said, I absolutely adore my boyfriend. I can't imagine being happier with anyone else. We've decided not to stoop to his parent's level but instead be very nice to them and try to include them in our lives as much as they will allow us to. My question is this-- how do I handle this situation gracefully? How do I NOT take this personally? I want to stay with my boyfriend more than anything, so please keep that in mind! 
Thank you for letting my rant!!! I adore my fellow sugars.
Untold
You sound like an absolutely lovely person, too bad his parents can't see that. Your Boyfriend must be firm with them & make it clear to his parents that you are the one for him and they have to accept that. I wish you both luck.
1it's not really their business UNLESS your bf makes it their business. if they choose not to be part of your life together that is thier choice, but unless your bf gives them the power they have no say because he is an adult. stop even thinking about them, they sound like horrid people.
i have to add, triathletes have distorted body images. you need to put them in the same catagory as say anorexics with ocd. not a battle you can win.
2Not all triathletes are crazy, I swear! But his family sounds pretty shallow. Just continue to live well and be happy and they'll catch on at some point. When it comes down to it, they can't control their son, and they also won't want him out of their life.
3It is really NONE of his parents business what you do with your life. Who cares if you are 90 pound or 300 pounds? If you make their son happy, then they SHOULD be happy! How dare they try to put these things in their sons head! That is horrible! There is nothing wrong with your weight and your health. It is your concern, not theirs.
I really think you need to talk to your boyfriend and ask him not to tell his parents every detail of your life together. It seems like every time you come up, stuff starts to hit the fan. They need to learn that you are there for good and they better learn to deal with it. My cousin went through the same thing when her future mother in law told her fiancé that she didn’t think she was worthy of her son. My cousin’s fiancé told his mother “I love her. I am going to marry her. Either you accept her for who she is or you will lose me as a son.”
4You have an amazing sense of consciousness which I cannot but adore!
5I admire your sensibility to see things from the point down-to-earth. This affirms there is really nothing wrong with you as an individual and the fault lyes indeed with them rather than you.
Now, the thing that troubles me the most, though, is as you say, the fact that their constant nagging might at some point just kind of "grow" into him. I have two similar examples, one with my very best friend whose parents repeatedly told her over 7 years that his boyfriend was too short for her so that eventually she really saw him that way too and they broke up. Another example is from my own life. I broke up with my boyfriend of 4 years because he was too old for me - and it started when people started to ask me how old is he as the first thing when they saw us together.
So to avoid such circumstance, I'd suggest you two to move to another town or city. Look for some other jobs and do it for yourselves. Would that be possible?
And finally, being one that suffers from eating disorders and recently started to see a professional about it, I'd just love to hear how you dealt with it (as I understand, you do not follow those bad habits no more). Only if this is not too personal to you, please either send me a message here, or send me you e-mail to suutmatu@yahoo.com. If you choose not to, no worries, I understand.
Bless you and your boyfriend and your love!
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