My boyfriend and I are getting married. We have talked marriage before, as we have been together for six years, and we're finding out how difficult hammering out the details can be. We come from two complicated families. Our parents are divorced, both caused mostly by infidelity. He has an okay relationship with family, and hardly ever sees his grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. They are all scattered all over the place, with divorces and re-marriages for both of his sets of grandparents, etc. My family is big, and I have been close with my mom's side, though I have not seen them in a few years. I am not close with my dad (we do not speak), and while I generally like some members of my dad's side of the family (the nice, normal ones) we are not terribly close. He loves his parents, but they also do not see each other and since his parents both work crazy hours, they don't really speak me. We live in a different state than all of our relatives, which is not uncommon...but this is what got us originally thinking about eloping. We know our families will be happy for us, and we know they'd want to attend, but we feel like having the big, elaborate party would do much more harm than good. We can get married and celebrate without having to put people who can't stand each other in a room together. Now, both of us were thinking that if we eloped (which is where we are headed) we'd want to keep a bit of normalcy in place. He stills wants to wear a suit, and I'll wear a dress. We also wanted to have a videographer tape our vows and a photographer take our pictures for us. When I discussed it with my mom, she said it sounded like a good idea in theory, but is there really a point if we are eloping? I don't know if people usually do this, or if it is a bit weird. I know people tend to have all of that with a real wedding, and we are trying to have a wedding without the big party, which is different. I don't know if wearing a nice wedding gown to a park or a beach with just two other people there is worth it. I know what we want, and I know in the end we should do what we want, but I can't decide on what to do. A part of me feels like we are entitled to a nice wedding with video and cameras so our families can watch us marry. A part of me feels like we are going to go through all the trouble for a non-wedding. Can you help us shed some light on the situation? Did you elope? What would you do differently? Even if you haven't eloped, I know you have an opinion and I'd really like to hear some.
S***r
I didn't elope, but I can understand not wanting to deal with peoples petty issues on your wedding day (or worrying that no one will come.) I don't see any problem with a wedding as nice as you want it to be and having a few close friends in attendance, and any nearby family members(if they care to attend.)And yes, tape the whole thing and mail out copies to all the scattered family members. It doesn't matter who you get married in front of, it matters that it's you and him in front of God and making a vow to one another for life with each other and nothing less. Congrats and I hope you have a wonderful day with your new hubby on that day
1I think the conflict lies in different ideas about elopement. Typically, people think it's a "Vegas, baby!" kind of decision: a spur-of-the-moment, light-hearted, even foolhardy way to approach a wedding and/or marriage. What you're talking about is having an out-of-town, low maintenance event in order to accommodate the complexities of your family situations. Why shouldn't you have a nice dress, and capture the moment in pictures and video? Why shouldn't you have it the way you want it? Your purpose in eloping is not to be no-frills or impromptu - it's to be private, and low-stress.
The only thing I ever so slightly disagree with Justanerd's excellent advice is inviting nearby family members to attend....I somehow think that you would never hear the end of that from whomever was not invited, and/or did not attend. I might just stick to a maid-of-honor and best man (preferably not relatives) to share the actual moment with you. Good luck, and enjoy yourselves!
2A good friend of mine was half way through planning her wedding when she decided they would just elope instead. But, she always wanted a nice wedding! So she and her now husband took off to Maui where she wore a beautiful dress, had a photographer take loads of gorgeous pictures, and was married on the beach with no witnesses. They then went back to the hotel where they had a lovely dinner and a mini wedding cake.
She had a wonderful day, and NO regrets.
Do it.
3I think is a great idea! I have heart of people who elope in the beach and take photographers to their wedding,it is not weird at all. At the end of the day, the pictures are for you, not anyone else. Good luck.
4Don't let your mom keep you from having the video and photo memories of your wedding day. Regardless of if you have 300 guests or just the two of you and your officiant, it is still your wedding day and you deserve to have those memories!
Wear the wedding attire, record the ceremony, and take as many pictures as you possibly can. Take them getting ready, take them during the ceremony, take them after - in the end, emotions will be so high that your memories might be fuzzy but with pictures and video you'll always be able to cherish the day you got married.
5We eloped. I can say that my mom isn't happy about it and having to explain to relatives why there was no wedding party LOL.
But seriously, your idea is not unusual. It's pretty cool actually, I wish we'd done it.
6My cousins who got married a couple years ago couldn't afford to throw a big wedding party so they went to Mexico on a 'honeymoon', and took pics of themselves wearing bridal gowns/tux and posing by the beach and cutting a small wedding cake, etc.
They sent the pics for everyone to see on e-mails. Pretty cool actually.
I dear! the most important thing is you and your boyfriend feel good about the way the ceremony goes. If some members dont feel confortable in beeing there i think your plan is great, but make shure everyone knows they are welcome. Tape the all thing and fotograph but most of all enjoy it because is a one life time moment. Ask to the people you must care about to be present or you will feel insecure. I wish you all the hapiness
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