A couple of months ago I met a great guy online. We dated for a couple of months until January when he told me he didn't feel a "spark" anymore and if someone came around he would go for her. I understood that even though I was madly in love with him and had given him my virginity. We decided to remain friends because even though he didn't feel that spark as a couple but he claimed to still have felt it as a friend, so we became FWB because after all we have needs. A couple of days later he met a girl on a dating site and started talking to her and go on dates. Last Monday he told he was going to date her but didn't want me out of his life. I told him that our FWB arraignment was over and that I wasn't sure I still wanted to be part of his life. The thing is that before he decided to date her we had agreed that I would be living with him for 2 weeks until my new apt was ready (my lease expired so I had to move out). I should mention that since I agreed to remain friends with while he dates the other girl I have tried my best to be very supportive and give him neutral advice on their relationship even though I'm heartbroken. I've learned that he is very frustrated because even though they have technically been dating since early January they haven't even kissed let alone had any type of body contact (no holding hands, no hug, nothing). After telling me he wanted her instead he decided to tell the other girl about me since I was going to be living with him for the next 2 weeks. They went on another date on sat and still nothing, which only frustrated him even more because he assumed that after telling her everything about me and telling her he didn't want to be with me they would have at least kissed. Yesterday was my second day there and everything was fine until the night. I got home cooked, exercised and bathed, then he came and we had dinner. I cooked pasta so we had wine with dinner and after sat on the couch to watch some TV. Problem is that while I was on the couch we were cuddling (I know, first mistake) and his arm was around me. He started touching my back and worked his way down to my thong. That turned me on and of course I didn't want to stop him so I unzipped his fly and grabbed his penis. Apparently this turned him on so much that the next second he took me, slammed me against the couch and we made out. We were very close to sex when all of a sudden he stopped, then we once again continued until I started taking his shirt of and he stopped me. I got really pissed after that and went into his bedroom (I had been sleeping in the living room) and masturbated. After that he wouldnt look at me so I went out for a walk and by he time I got home he was asleep. This morning I was out of the apt before he woke up so I haven't spoken to him yet. My question are: Did he cheat on the other girl with me last night? What should I tell him today? Should I ignore him? Also, shouldn't the fact that he initiated everything mean that he doesn't feel as strong for her as he thinks or is it just him being sexually frustrated? I need some desperate advice ladies.....
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It doesn't matter if it's cheating or not, only he is responsible for his own behaviour anyway. I am just concerned because you are obviously still in love with this man and he was using you for sex until he can find someone else. Why do you respect yourself so little that you allowed yourself be his Fbuddy? I have been in this position before, and I am telling you that when you look back on your behaviour you will regret it. You are heartbroken but trying to give him advice on this new girl! Why would you do this to yourself? You are allowing him to treat you this way! Do not try and be friends with this guy, it will only lead to further heartache for you, and get out of his place as fast as is humanly possible, go stay with some other friend if you can. You need to cut off all contact with him and move on with your life, it might be hard at first but it will get easier and it's better than allowing him to treat you like this. Start dating some wonderful new guys that want to have a real relationship with you and won't abuse you in this way.
1You need some serious counseling to deal with the low self-image you have of yourself. Please, cut off all contact with this guy, get yourself tested for STDs, then get in to see a counselor.
2I remember you! Janine22, it's useless, a lot of people encouraged her to leave this relationship when she posted a couple months back, many gave really good suggestion trying to get her to stop playing victim and start living well, etc. I think this poster isn't even real sometimes because it's just pathetic.
You're the girl who plays victim, I think I wrote pretty harsh remarks to you...hmm, I think I suggested you to walk away because he's obviously using you and will date other girls while you're like a spare tire for him. But you're also not blameless because you encourage him to do so out of desperation, having no spine and then complain and whine about it.
He's NOT cheating on you. You two aren't in a relationship, you're roommates who occasionally have sex.
He's falling in love with the other woman he's dating but he's just sexually frustrated, it also seems that you actually initiated the whole thing (although you claimed he did). I think you're going to end up being that Glenn Close character (or similar to, hopefully not as violent) in Fatal Attraction. Men love to have sex, so I'm not surprised that he wanted to have sex (w/ whoever, if not you, another girl), and I find him not as big of a perp since you're so willingly to be used that way, and have every intention of being in this position. The reason I think he starts to have reservation is because he has feeling for the other girl, and not so much for you.
I think you're just hanging on by a thread desperate for him to change his mind about you. Why else someone stay in such a dysfunctional situation, or you're mentally not quite there. Go see a counselor. And move out.
3Wow, you sound like you're the type of person that becomes a doormat. It's not bad if you get a grip of it and realize your self worth. He knows that he can keep you around and that you're so doped up on love that you'll end up sleeping with him. Here is the problem, he is not in love with you and already admitted to not having a spark. If the spark isn't there it's never going to be there with any amount of waiting around. So you have the choice to sit around and wait for him to use you or you can move on and find a guy that will love you. I get that we feel connected to the men we lose our virginity to but sometimes those men were just in it for the wrong reasons. Next time be a little more careful about who you get to know. I know online dating works for some people but it's a portal for girls with low self esteem in my opinion. So men can find easier targets that don't have much self esteem. I think you need to cut off all connections with this guy and work on yourself. The pain of it all will go away with time and a year from now you won't even remember him.
4Oh yeah, Stop making yourself a psycho for a guy. IT'S NOT WORTH IT!
51.) Move out.
2.) Cut off all ties.
Seriously. I'm a little angered that you can't see he's getting his cake and eating it too.
You're cheating too.. cheating yourself out of finding someone better, and who wants you. But in essense, he did cheat on the girl.
He's frustrated, and you're willing. Easy as that.
3.) Get counselling.
6No. He's not cheating on her b/c the two aren't exclusive yet, they are dating, but no talk about being in a committed relationship. The moment they're exclusive, he's going to drop you b/c it's not funny to have a committed gf and a fwb in the same house.
He backed out of the sex thing b/c although he's a guy who's sexually frustrated, I think he's coming around to know that he starts having deeper feeling for the other girl (starts to have a conscience--he feels bad for doing that toward her) and he probably realizes that you may turn out like that Glenn Close's character in Fatal Attraction. He's probably getting scared a little. I won't be surprised if he decided to have a 'talk' about the living arrangement to get you out of the house sooner than 2 weeks if not for the above reason, it's for the new girl, so that she'll move forward sooner with their relationship. It's so obvious that he wants the other girl and not you.
Get counseling.
7Are you serious?
Move out of this guy's place and go stay at a friend's place for two weeks asap! he's just using you for sex and nothing more, he doesnt even think of you as a friend! Grose!
8ask yourself this? is this love or just desire. keeping in mind that lust is very much strong than love and... i feel you can only be in love when the other person loves you back. love is so much deeper than a fleeting fancy. you may love him slighty but I DO NOT think he is in love with you, otherwise he would be willing to be with you. believe me.
9Cheated
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