I've got a major problem, and hopefully some objective advice will help me figure out what to do.
I have been working for a while now (over 2 years) but I am thinking of going back to school for my graduate studies. My company does offer tuition reimbursement, but it would mean I'd have to work my full 40 hours and on top of that do grad school part time. Also, the liklihood of me doing research (which is what I want to do) would be slim to none because time would be an asset I would rarely have.
I applied a year or so ago, and I actually got into a really good school. Everything was cool, but then my dad comes in and makes a big spreadsheet of all the miscellaneous financial problems that could happen, a worst case scenario thing (which included the death of both my parents--I'm an only child, and me becoming gravely ill.) Basically he says that it will cost way too much money and that I should continue to live at home and do grad school while working because then we wouldn't have to pay for anything.
Ordinarily, I would agree that working and grad school would be a viable option. If any of my friends asked me for advice, I'd tell them to do it. But the problem with my situation is that my parents are WAY too over-protective.
Give you an example: I'm going to be 25 in a few months, but I can't be out past 10 at the latest. My parents say it's unsafe because "you can't see as well in the night, and there are hoodlums on the road after it gets dark." As you can imagine, I have no social life, because in the day I'm working! Nights are the only free time I have.
Also, my parents are really negative people, and it is really taking a toll on my own emotional well being... I don't know if I can remain sane for much longer. Hell, I may not be sane now! I am never good enough, and they are always disappointed in me. Always comparing me to other people, with the other people looking much better than me, with respect to jobs, salary, graduate school, marriage (I'm not married, have no desire to be), etc.
The only way out of this situation is if I transfer to another job far away from home, or I go to grad school. I cannot just "move out" as a lot of people have suggested because my parents would totally guilt trip/emotionally black mail me into not doing so.
So my question is what should I do? Should I just do grad school and work as suggested by my dad, thereby saving tons of money, but stuck at the house? Or should I apply to grad school to be a full time student, and then be out of the house for good, but poor as dirt and in debt for life?
Marc by Marc Jacobs
Wow - this was my life exactly in 2004. My parents didn't go as far as making a spreadsheet, but my mom especially made it clear that grad school was "just too expensive" and I shouldn't go. This despite the fact that both of my parents have Master's degrees.
I went anyway. I moved across the country, lived with people I'd never met (in the same program) and I had an amazing time. I didn't work the first year, and that allowed me to focus on school and earn a 4.0 GPA, which led to my being assigned a TA for the second year, which meant my tuition was paid and I received a monthly income of $1000 as well.
I took an internship before graduating and walked off campus into jobs that paid $25 - $35 per hour, as a freelancer. Then I decided to move back to my hometown and I found a great job here.
I would not work full-time while going to school. Your studies will suffer greatly, as grad school is more intensive than undergrad. But because you've been working for a couple of years, you will be miles ahead of many of the other students who are coming straight from BA or BS programs. You will be very likely to be assigned as a TA or research assistant.
So - do it! Go! We can't sit around and worry about all the what-ifs while life passes us by. My parents came for my graduation and it was one of the proudest moments in their lives. It was all they could talk about for months.
1I agree with luisamapacha; I would strongly advise against working full-time during grad school. I am in my second year of law school, which is probably a little different than other types of grad school, but I spend essentially every waking second reading. I work part-time at the school library, but only because I am able to study while working. Your grades will probably suffer if you work full time, and you will be completely exhausted - it's just not worth it. I will have $120,000 in loan debts by the time I graduate, but I was aware that this would be the case. You can always pay back loans, but you can't get back the hours of sleep you'll miss, the socialization, and the better grades you could have achieved. Just my advice, but I hope it helps!
2It depends. 40 hours of working is not all that much; I know several people who have pursued MBAs while working 70-100 hours a week. However, working and going to grad school at the same time is really only viable if your graduate school offers a good part-time program. Part-time programs usually require you to take fewer classes at once than full-time programs, so you would not need to dedicate as much time to studying.
For the graduate school problem, you should ask yourself a few questions. (1) Why do you want to go to school? If it is because you don't like your job and want to do something else, but don't really know what yet, I urge you to reconsider going to graduate school at all. Figure out if it's something you need to do to further your career or to switch careers; if not, don't waste the time and energy, even if you really enjoy school more than working. (Of course, if you are thinking about a career in research or academia, then by all means go back to school.) (2) School means sacrifice, whether you're working at the time or not. How dedicated are you to getting a graduate education? If this is something you really want, then you will make time to study even if you are working.
The situation with your parents is really another matter altogether. You're 24. The curfew should have been kicked to the curb the moment you turned 18, or 21 at most. You're an adult, and you should be able to act like one. If your parents pull the card that you have to follow their rules if you live under their roof, then you should move out. In a way, you're justifying their over-parenting by allowing them to guilt-trip you into staying. If you want to be an adult, you have to assert your adulthood and learn to be independent.
3There's a lot of good advice here, but it really depends on the program you want to enter. Lots of people work full time and go to school part time to get masters degrees, but most people going going for Ph.Ds work part-time or not at all. I spent a year in an intensive 11-month program to get my M.A.T. in two seperate fields. For me to work during this time would have been insane, and one year's worth of loans won't be the end of me. My fiance is in a 6-year program, and he gets a stipend, so he doesn't have to work, and really, he has so much to do that he couldn't if he wanted to. But every program is different, and offers different levels of flexibility.
Whatever you do, don't let your parents bully you into anything. Yes, loans are a lot of money, but as far as debts go, the are pretty managable. You can sign up to pay based on what your income is, so the repo men shouldn't come banging down your door. If you want to do this, you can probably find a way to pay for it without getting them involved. Good luck.
4Another option is to continue working and go back to school, and use the money you make at work to move out of your parents house!
5In some fields you are able to get tuition fully covered, plus health insurance and a stipend so you don't have to work. What type of field are you going to graduate school for?
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