This past summer I came home from college to stay with my parents for vacation. I'm 21 and the first week I was here I met a man seven years older at the gym. We were in the sauna at the same time and started talking. He was honest and open from the beginning [our conversation was purely platonic at the time] telling me he was recently divorced [2 years prior] and had an 8 year old daughter. After some chatting about that and everything from football, what we do for a living, and my being previously engaged with my high school sweetheart that ended last Christmas Eve , he asked me if I wanted to go out for a movie. I decided against it, but we continued to talk whenever we saw each other at the gym. Chats in the sauna turned into matches on the tennis court, which eventually led to a dinner--which in turn lead to more.
I had made it clear on the first day that my heart is still hurt from my past relationship and that after being with with someone for 4+ years, I want to enjoy my youth and not get serious with another just yet. And of course, being previously married and with child--I assumed he felt the same way.
After weeks of tennis matches, pool days, movie nights, dinners, and sleepovers...I managed to keep content with the idea of this being a summer fling.
As casual as it was, I believe I grew to like him more than I was willing to admit.
We both left at the end of summer and that was supposed to be the end of it, but he continued to call and ended up visiting me at college a couple times. The last night we spent together was more romantic than any other dinner we had during the summer. He held my hand, held me close while we were walking--he even wrote my name in the sand!
After sex that night, I confessed that I would miss him when he left--despite everything I said during the summer about not wanting anything serious and treating everything as a casual thing. [I wanted to divulge more about it, but wanted to see where he stood]
His response wasn't the best, but then again it wasn't the worst. I feared that opening up would scare him away, but he said that he felt the same way. We spent practically all of summer together and he said he would always remember it.
He left the next morning and that was the last we spoke to each other.
I haven't contacted him, nor has he contacted me. It's been almost three weeks.
I wonder if I scared him away with my heart-to-heart or if he was only in it for the sex?
--Fooling him or fooling myself?
Paul & Joe
it sounds like it was a really amazing fling, where nobody got hurt and you can both walk away with good memories. Affection and affinity are there, but to be perfectly honest, it sounds like he was the exact person you needed to rebound off of, and now you can go back out there and pursue what you want, fully healed from your last relationship.
1well if you kept telling him it was just a summer fling and you didn't want more and then all of a sudden you say you DO want more...well there's your answer. you both said you wanted a fling and that's what you got.
when you confessed to feeling more and wanting more, it most likely freaked him out and he bolted. next time, if you want more or if you feel more than you originally said, speak up and be honest. otherwise, it will lead to your current situation.
i'm sorry you feel this way but take this as a learning experience and enjoy the good times you had this summer. (i know it's easier said than done!)
2I have this saying that I live by -
people come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.
Maybe throughout the summer, you were both helping each other get through your pasts by having such a great thing together. It sounds as though you were both completely honest, enjoyed doing things together, and that you both healed through it all.
If it's meant to be it will find a way, and if you wanted to contact him to say hello maybe that's not such a bad thing - it does sound like there is a friendship there. If that doesn't spark anything, then maybe it's time to move on. good luck
3It sounds like you had a really fun summer with this guy! I understand how easy it is to get attached to someone you thought you were just having a fling with. I don't think opening up was a bad thing... after all, it easily could have ended with him reciprocating!
The bad news is it doesn't sound like he felt the same way. It's too bad, but like you said, you are young! You can enjoy the rest of your time in college and not worry that you are missing out.
4I agree with StefaPie... I've been there...only it was a summer fling overseas... I know how you feel and its a tough thing to go through... but it was a good experience with fond memories... try to hold on to that for comfort
5Post A Comment
To post comments, please log in or register.