If you have a friend who is doing something a little bit careless or stupid, are you obligated to try your best to keep her from getting herself into trouble? Or do you just let her live and learn?
I have a friend who recently started fooling around with someone who's currently in a relationship. I know no good can come of it and I'm kind of disappointed at how selfish she's being. Why would she put herself in the position of the other girl? She says she doesn't want to be the other girl and knows that she wouldn't want a relationship with someone who cheats, but I think she's still continuing with the hope that something will develop. Why else would she ask him what was going on if she knew it wasn't anything more than a one night stand? And the guy is a sleaze. It's like her only standard is that the guy must be good looking. She can do so much better, but she never does.
On top of this, the two of us have another friend who recently started dating a new guy. We don't really like the guy or his friends. They're sketchy, we don't trust them. While I try not to be judgmental or intrusive, my friend has let this other friend know exactly how she feels about the relationship and they have gotten into a number of arguments over it. Meanwhile, she's making her own poor choices.
I guess I'm asking, what would you do? Do you make it your responsibility to try and protect your friend from bad judgment? Even if you're jeopardizing the friendship? Or is that doing more harm than good? Maybe people need to be allowed to make mistakes? Maybe I'm the one who isn't able to view the situation objectively and my friends' actions are actually more reasonable than I think? Is this none of my business?
Emporio Armani
Does she talk to you about this guy and/or ask for your opinion about him? If so, I don't think there's any problem with being honest, as long as you're tactful and non-judgmental. I've told friends I disagree with their decisions, and it hasn't harmed my friendships. Preface it with "you know I love you, but...," and make sure it's in the context of you not wanting her to get hurt, which is ultimately what this boils down to anyway. I don't think you should lie to her and tell her you support her decisions when you don't--even though you SHOULD support HER if she ends up needing it.
To warn you, she probably won't take your advice and will have to live and learn. I just don't see a point in lying to my friends. Don't tell her your opinion if you expect her to change her actions.
1No reason why you can't express your opinion about certain situations, you're allowed to, your life, you can do whatever you want. Just keep in mind, she probably won't like it or take it. If she doesn't you just have to leave it alone. She's being a hypocrite and that's just lame, but people make their own decisions, regardless of who gets hurt, that's how humans are...selfish f*cks.
2There's always a line, and a friend of mine crossed it. I kept my mouth shut when she was dating a controlling guy, spoke up when he returned from vacation and gave her an STD, told her not to believe him saying he couldn't have kids, but she ended up pregnant anyway.
The line was crossed when he talked her into having an abortion via the so-called abortion pill. It made her bleed but didn't abort the pregnancy, so she had to go get a traditional one later at a clinic. When she chose to stay with him anyway, despite the fact he was still clearly cheating on her and didn't love her, I ended our friendship. She was damaging herself and despite her constant whining and asking for advice, never took any of it.
3^ Wow Luisa, I think you basically closed this case.
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