What to do?
There is a girl I work with whom I've never got along with, Katie. Mainly, it's a personality conflict, but there was an incident of backstabbing four years ago that I've never truly forgiven her for.
Recently, there was a situation at work that got blown way out of proportion. I was not involved, but Katie blamed me for it. My boss, who knows that we don't get along, believed me when I said I had nothing to do with it. However, he wants me to apologize to my coworkers and hope that things turn out okay.
He also wants me to apologize to Katie & try and smooth things over between the two of us. This is something I genuinely cannot do. I tried to work things out between us a little over three years ago, but instead of making things better, she made my life hell. I contemplated quitting, but I can't find a job that pays as much as this one does and I really need the money.
So now I'm not sure what to do. It's bad enough I have to apologize to my coworkers about something I didn't do, without being able to explain to them that I had no part in it. Should I tell my boss that he's asking too much of me, and risk losing my job, or should I suck it up and lie twice like he's asking me to?
Very
Uslu Airlines
13 Comments
Post a CommentSo, your boss wants you to publicly apologize for something you had no part of? And YOU are supposed to apologize to the backstabbing liar who caused the enire mess in the fist place?
Something is very fishy here. Either you aren't being totally honest, or you have a boss who is willing to be manipulated so much that the person who is the source of drama in the office is allowed to terrorize the place, and then also gets the glory of having her victims apologize.
I don't know what to tell you to do, but that is not a place I would want to spend 40 hours a week at. You say you need the money; how much is your happiness worth to you?
That's tough. On one hand, I think you should be mature about it and just apologize. On the other hand, it is entirely unfair that your boss is making you do so.
It sounds like he wants you to apologize because he thinks you will, and Katie would probably make a fuss about it. Show him you're not a pushover! Say you're SORRY that Katie instigated a situation which should never have occured, and you're SORRY that it was not handled in a more professional manner by the person who is supposed to show the utmost professionalism. There, you apologized.
i would never ever apologise for something i didnt do. so you might risk your job, but why would you want to spend 1/2 your life in an office with such a terrible environment? i'd rather get a job tt pays a little less, and scrimp a little more, but at least i'll be happier w/o a boss tt expects me to cover someone else's azz!
I'm totally with mandiesoh. No way i would.
Mabye your boss really likes Katie and doesn't want people to go against her. But if I were you I would go to my boss and explain to him nicely that I don't want to apalogize for something I never did!
Thats a hard one. I think you should apoligize and go on. Don't stoop to a immature level. Remember you are adult and sometimes have to do things we don't want to do. Whether we like it or not. Just chalk it up as a life experience and learn from it. Your job sounds like a good one, don't loose it over some rift with the girl, you are better than that.
Problem Summarized: This girl lost her gahongas a long time ago and her boss is trying to legislate behavior which no one can do,. Boss is non-confrontational; low self-esteem.
Dynamics of the Situation:
Further, a boss cannot force "bad chemistry" to become"good chemistry" between people.
Even worse, apologizing to co-workers will make this girl look even worse in the office amongst her peers than she already does.
and,
her bad co-worker will wind-up behaving badly again and this girl will also get dumped on again and blamed for being a wimp. It all sets a bad example if it isn't resolved immediately.
Game Plan:
Therefore,
This is classic case where we have to tell the boss how to do his job but make it look like your suggestion is for the boss's own good. I do it all the time with Georgene.Lee does it too.
1. Validate the boss's feelings: ("Look, I know you want this all to go away and for us to all work together")
2. Remind her that we honor her as a boss, we will keeping behaving as a subordinate and we can set a goal together to fix this crummy problem: "I think you're a great boss and I love working for you BUT we have to plan this out together so that everyone feels comfortable"
3. 'If we handle this right, you will look like a strong boss and both me and Mis B can produce projects so that Mr. CEO thinks you are a star and that your team produces great projects"
4. This weak boss always wonders what her other staff people are thinking of her: "We understand that I am a good worker and that Miss B. is talented. Unfortunately, she needs to have parameters set so that she doesn't upset me or others in the office and believe me, everyone knows that she is difficult to work with."
BTW - only us goody-2shoes worry about getting fired; the fact is very few people ever get fired; employers hate to fire you because they hate confrontation and they are afraid of a lawsuit. TRUST ME! Also, many bosses respect chuzpah. People hate confrontation and will always follow the bigger mouthpiece.
I can write a book on this stuff...
Well said kinko!
Apologizing for something you didn't do will damage your reputation and, in this small world, that could follow you to your next job. Furthermore, public apologies are the cruelest thing ever because it makes sure that even those who weren't in on your business are now aware of the problem and think you are to blame. You have a crummy manager for asking you to do that in the first place. It's impersonal and perpetuates the gossip with a new round of people in on the action. I think you have every right to say no.
Why on earth would you apologize for something you had no part in. Get that resume updated and start looking for a healthier work envrionment now. You should go immediately to HR and let them know what is going on what he is asking you to do with the public apology is unethical to me. I work with people that I don't like and I am always very professional with them and polite. Let her be the one that looks stupid in front of the office not you. Being an adult does not mean that you take responsibility for something you did not do.
Absolutely DO NOT apologize for anything you didn't do. That makes it a public record that you DID do something, and can be used against you at anytime in the future, and could very well end up in your file with HR. Work is very often like high school; cliques and people ganging up on each other. Don't get pulled into it but don't take blame for anything either.
And yes! RUN to HR, as cubadog suggested.
I wouldn't apologize. Your boss wouldn't fire you if you didn't apologize. That would be soooo unreasonable. If you didn't do it...why take blame for it? Talk more about the situation to your boss and tell him that you live by certain standards and what he's asking of you falls below those standards.
Re-read your question. It sounds like you have already made up your mind that you can't apologize for something you didn't do. Neither could I. Talk to your boss openly and honestly, and explain your reasons with as little emotion as possible. If he/she still doesn't understand or see your point, you can very gracefully and politely refuse. You can't be fired for not doing something that you're not comfortable with!
Good luck and just try to remember, as long as you do something with integrity, it's pretty hard to go wrong.
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