Well, I have (had) been dating Mr. Take it Slow for about a month. He wanted to take it slow b/c he just got out of a LTR a few months ago. The last time we went out, things got physical (not all the way, though). I did hear from him the next day, but nothing but FB posts for 2 weeks after that. Finally last night he emailed me:
"I just wanted to write you a message to let you know what's going on. I've been kinda quiet because I just don't know what's going on with me. I don't want to lead you on, but I don't want to write you off either.The problem is, I think I'm just not over my ex-gf. I hate to admit that; it makes me feel so weak. And I thought dating you would make me forget all about her, but it's just not happening.I'm sorry for leaving you hanging, and I understand if you think I'm a jerk. But I promise I'm not trying to ignore you. I really enjoy hanging out with you and I think we have a lot in common. I guess I wasn't strong enough to take things more slowly and now I feel like we can't go backward. I just need to figure things out."
At first I asked him to meet w/me to talk, but he couldn't until Friday. Then I decided to just message him back:
"Hey, rather than waiting to meet, I thought I'd let you know what I'm thinking now.I appreciate you being honest with me. Its a good thing that you realize you're not over your ex; that's a start. I think that you should take the time you need to work through your issues. When you find you can do that, give me a call. If I'm available, we can see what happens from there."
I feel like I did the right thing, but I can't help but feel bad b/c there was nothing I could do. A part of me hopes he gets his baggage in order and decides to come back to me, but I don't know if he will.
Thoughts?
Start London
You did the right thing, kiddo - you should be proud of yourself. And you're right - there's nothing you could do - he needs to process his feelings about his ex, and there's no one who can do that for him.
It's so much better that you didn't try to "help" him through this time, because you'd only end up getting hurt. And of course it's okay to hope he gets through it and returns when he's ready - just don't pass up any opportunities in the meantime. Good luck.
1Your email was perfect.
I'm sure it's a letdown but you're better off knowing the truth.
Not that you really asked, but, I wouldn't stay in super close contact with him.
2You did the right thing. Now, back off, give him space, and let him come to you. If he doesn't, you have your answer.
Never, ever, do you want to feel like second choice. Being a rebound is no fun, and I actually applaud this guy's honesty and maturity.
I know that it is hard to not be in contact, but leave him alone for now. When and if he is ready, he may call....in the meantime, date others.
3Agreed... A++! I want to save those words for myself, in case I ever have to use them!
4I totally agree!
5A lot of guys wouldn't bother with an explanation.At the very least he was man enough to provide you with some closure.
I applaud you for taking the high road with your response to his e-mail......it was dead on .If eventually he should decide to come around that's great and if not, it's his loss.Carry on with your life as usual and don't contact him or wait around for his call either or you might miss out on something much better. Good Luck!
6Give it some time. You never know what could happen. You did the best you could.
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