it wasn't his bachelor party... i would say buy whoever you want a lapdance but he's married and shouldn't have been receiving them. it wasn't his party anyway. guys usually don't think the same way though. so idk.

hmmm
I am ok with strippers because I know they are all cracked out and gross

My boyfriend goes to a strip club daily. His brother owns one.
Yea, sometimes it bugs me...but w/e. I am confident enough to know that he thinks I am FAR more sexier then those little skank-o-las and honestly I see them without their make-up on WITH clothes on outside and one word: yuck!

in my eyes, thats cheating.
unless u both have some kind of understanding that if u pay a person to be sexual with u, its not cheating.

Oh come on, relax! It was a bachelor party, they were just having a good time and he TOLD you about it! If you said he lied and you later found out or that you've both discussed that he should never ever have a lap dance from a stripper then maybe but he was at a bachelor party, everyone was getting a lap dance and he figured it wouldnt be an issue. Obviously he didnt think it would be a problem because he openly told you about it. Just chill out and stop acting so f*cking insecure.

By the way, Sun Sun... you're the type of girl who makes men lie to their women about going to strip clubs and watching porn. It's not cheating because it is in no way intimate or invasive. She danced CLOSE to him in front of a bunch of his buddies FOR MONEY... it's not like they had sex or kissed! He didnt even make it to first base. Go read my blog about Strippers.

"Don't fall for someone who's not willing to catch you"

Fallen85 you explained that SO well!

Fallen,
who do u think u r? why r u judging me? why r u judging my marriage relationship? do i know u? do u know me? do u know my husband? do u know our values and ethics? do u know about our mutual agreements? i thought not. so just as i PERSONALIZED my comment, u do the same. because if u really wanna hear my two cents on the kind of relationship u have, i'd tell u ur the kind of girl who has no backbone, will let ur man do anything cuz ur mortified of losing him, making u a pushover, and will put up wit cheating need be.
and thanks but no thanks about ur post.

whoa...Sun_Sun...freak out much?

This is someone you don't even know...get a grip before you fly off the handle! hahaha...

well lovely i dont appreciate "someone i dont even know" passing judgement on me and telling me to chill the F out. i also dont appreciate said person to speak to me in a holier than thou way.
im sure u wouldnt appreciate it either.
everyone is allowed to voice their own opinions here without belittling those of other people.

I would also be furious/hurt etc if my husband had a lap dance at a bachelor's party. When you're married things like this should be between husband and wife. It's a good thing he told you about this. I hope you were honest with him and let him know how you felt about it.

it's not that Im insecure about it. I know it meant nothing and he wasn't hiding it so he obviously didnt think anything of it. However, i think its really disrespectful and naked girls shouldn't be hanging on my husband. Thats between me and my husband only. I also dont know why men would want nasty girls grinding up on them any way. its just sort of gross.

This isn't about strippers, it's about respect and self-control. Your husband knows how you feel about strippers, yet he allowed himself to presumably get drunk and receive lap dances (and maybe more.) He could have told his friends "No thanks." He could have grown a pair and told them he wasn't going to the strip bar. He could have ordered a drink and stayed at the bar, away from the dancers. But no, he displayed no self-control and no respect for you. Ask yourself how you feel about that.

LOL wow Sun Sun, chill out. If you think my man steps all over me I suggest reading some more of my posts. I know what my opinions are and I stand by them, my boyfriend and I respect each other very much and neither of us have big glaring trust issues in our relationship. I go clubbing with my girlfriends and he doesnt flip out when guys hit on me because we trust each other... just like I trust that if a stripper who wants more cash hits on my man I know he wouldnt do anything. Trust is the first step to a successful marriage, isnt it?

Sun sun, you and your husband might be perfect for each other and good for you etc etc and maybe he also thinks that strippers are considered cheating.. but hell, maybe he says they're cheating to your face but then sneaks out to see them on his lunch break from work and will never tell you this in fear that you'll castrate him and send him straight to the depths of hell. Another great thing about being a laid back and confident girlfriend... he can tell me anything and wont feel judged. Obviously the OP has that relationship with her husband too which is fantastic. OP, just sit down with your hubby, dont judge him or flip out or act crazy, just tell him you dont feel comfortable with him getting lap dances from half naked women and if he chooses to go to bachelor parties that take place in strip clubs maybe he could just refrain from grinding with the employees.

Good luck.

Also.. Sun sun, chill the F out. hehe

"Don't fall for someone who's not willing to catch you"

I agree with Sun_Sun completely and with luisamapacha.
And for those people who say it isn't a big deal, I'm not trying to attack anyone here, but I don't understand the difference between letting some random woman a guy meets at work and goes home with and has a lap dance with (cheating...) and doing the same thing at a club!? What's the difference!? In one case he tells you and in the other he doesn't, they are still the same thing: your husband who made a commitment to you, is getting his sexual pleasure from someone else. How is that NOT a huge deal?

To the OP, well in my case I would lose the guy if we were just dating, b/c that's is a huge deal breaker to me...but I don't know what to do if your married. I wouldn't marry someone who did things like that in the first place, so if my future husband did something like that, I would go crazy and problem have a huge screaming fight with him and be mad for prob. literally years, ha. I would kind of understand if you and your husband haven't discussed the issue b/c then how was he supposed to know you weren't ok with that kind of stuff. But your post sounds like y'all have discussed it before, so in that case, it's completely inexcusable, and I honestly don't know what I would do.

OP,

If you've not stressed to your husband how you disagreed (before he went to the bachelor party) with a stripper grinding against him, then you need to sit him down and let him know how you feel/think. He may or may not want to compromise with your pov, but it's going to be another issue for both of you to sort out later.

I'm in the 'I don't think it's cheating' crowd, because I don't think it's personal enough. Plus the girls there are mostly hustlers and they want your money (I knew someone who used to be a stripper and she told me how they really think about the customers).
I was pretty comfortable with strip clubs and w/ my exes to go there for entertainment. In fact, I even went myself with some of my male friends when I wasn't dating anyone. I never minded because growing up with boys made me think, eh, it's just boys being boys. Weirdly enough, when I basically 'ok-ed' them to go, they actually wouldn't go at all! So none of my exes and even my hubby step foot in a strip club.

BUT, I do feel uncomfortable when someone is OBSESSED with going to a strip club when he has a gf/wife at home. It makes me think that something's not right (in fact, I actually know a guy who's like this, and he lives a pretty sad life--can't maintain any relationship and he actually is always BROKE thanks to the clubs).

If this is only a one time thing, OP, you need to learn to 'forgive' him and have a talk with him. If he's already known how you feel, then, I can see why you also want to tell him sternly to grow a pair and don't be that guy who'll jump off a bridge just because his other friends do so.

*Unconditional love is a beautiful thing, just be sure to give it AFTER your conditions have been met.*

Fallen: "just like I trust that if a stripper who wants more cash hits on my man I know he wouldnt do anything."
That's awesome that y'all have trust like that (not trying to rude or sarcastic here if it comes off like that), but the post is talking about a guy that DID do something. So I can see how you are ok with your guy going to strip clubs b/c you know he won't do anything...but what's your opinion if he did end up doing something? Obviously the OP doesn't have reason to trust her husband b/c he did do something.

Muirnea, the difference is that this woman was being paid to grind against these men who are probably very drunk, middle aged, rude, obnoxious, mysoginistic, demoralizing pr!cks. She was doing her job. She gets better tips and more money for lap dances then just dancing, right? None of these men have a chance to go home with this woman, nor would they want to. All she was doing was dancing closer to them then she would be on stage. He didnt have sex with her or touch her in inappropriate ways.. they cant do that in most strip clubs for the safety of the girls. Also, he was at a bachelor party!! With a bunch of buddies who were all doing the same thing. None of them were planning on cheating or leaving their wifes or even having a one night stand! They were just having fun at a place full of chicks they would never have a chance with who happen to cater to creepy old men.

If he went to a normal club and was grinding with some normal girl who WAS looking to hook up.. I could see the issue.

"Don't fall for someone who's not willing to catch you"

OK, I see where you are coming from Fallen. I think the issue is that I do think just grinding on some guy/girl IS cheating. I can see how it's not anything important to the women, yeah they are just getting paid. But to the guys...what's the difference? Why does it make the act that is happening any different just because the guy paid for it? That just means (to me) that the guy wanted it even badly enough to shell out money for it, which in a way makes it worse than doing the same thing with a normal girl at a normal club that doesn't cost anything. Isn't the point of being in a relationship mean that you are committed to one person only? If a guy still wants to "have fun" with some other girl just because she is hot and he wouldn't normally get too "chicks they would never have a chance with" as you said, then why is he in a committed relationship? Obviously he still wants stuff that he hasn't found in just one woman, so he should keep looking until he finds a woman that gives him everything he wants without having to split it between a few of them. That (again, to me) means that he isn't ready to settle down, he is still missing something in his relationship, and he is getting that missing thing fulfilled from this other girl, whether he paid for it or not.

Neveah1978.. always the voice of reason. Here here!

"Don't fall for someone who's not willing to catch you"

Muirnea I understand your logic here but I watch porn and often I watch porn with big huge hairy manly guys who treat the women like crap and abuse her naughty bits to no end... but that in no way or how means I want to leave my tall slim mostly hairless man who treats me like gold. Just like my man going to stripclubs to check out tall slim blonde girls with Daddy issues and fake boobes in no way means he wants to leave me for someone with the IQ of a button. Also, the OP wasnt having fun with the stripper, he was having fun with his buddies by exploiting the naked chick dancing for dollars. Big difference. But to each their own opinion, I guess!

"Don't fall for someone who's not willing to catch you"

Ok ok, I agree to disagree Fallen....lol. I see what you're saying too.

nevaeh1978 yes yes and yes!
i see it from every angle but after that explanation Fallen I gotta say I'm siding with you. As long as it doens't turn into something he does EVERY lunch hour, it's all good. sh*t my boyfriend goes daily but he doesn't even sit in perve line anymore or throw loonies. We did it together @ first, but trust me, it got old FAST.

see i'm am in between both arguments here. You knew he was going to a bachelor party but you were "under the impression" that there wouldn't be any strippers there. I don't think he deliberately lied to you about it, and for what its worth i do believe it was just the lapdances and nothing more just because he could've denied any contact at all but he was honest with you about the dance.

It wasn't his bachelor party so i don't know if he could've known that there were going to be strippers there (unless it was his idea) and also he really doesn't have a choice on where to go because its not his party.

what i think he did wrong here was he didn't use any judgement. he didn't have to get a lapdance. He could've put money in to get someone else a lapdance and decline to get one himself because he is married and he couldve put himself in your situation but he didn't. i don't think that's cheating, but it is being extremely inconsiderate. the fact that he was honest with you gives him points and means that he isn't as bad of a guy people are making him out to be in their comments, however i would voice how i feel and let him know that you are hurt and try to communicate with him your feelings and tell him it cannot happen again. also try to explain to him that it wouldn't feel good for him if he was in your position and to just be considerate of your feelings.

Yikes guys!

There isn't one right way to think about this.

It's clear we each have different levels of what we're comfortable with and just because those levels are different it doesn't mean one of us is wrong.

Personally, I don't understand when a woman freaks about her man looking at porn. But if my boyfriend went and got a lap dance I'd be grossed out. I wouldn't think he was cheating but it would certainly bother me. Mostly because that would be so far out of his character that it would strike me as really odd.

OP, I think it's good your hubby told you about this. I would just try to let it go, since you're married and all.

well damn.. now I see why she freaked out.. because she freaks out about someone trying to give her advice when she CLEARLY asked for it! Jeeeez.. I completely and utterly agree with Fallen. If you have trust in your relationship, then you both should be able to have fun without one another as long as you're not cheating. I don't think going to a strip club is a big deal.. and the type of girl who will let you pay for sex isn't anything spectacular, she's a prostitute. So he has a cute girl dancing for him while he was having fun with his buddies.. who cares? He was honest with you and came home to you. So i'm telling you to chill the EFFF out as well.

Good luck

I think is possible to comment here without attacking each other and calling each other names. It makes the forum less enjoyable. Can't we all just play nice? We are all entitled to our own opinion and we are free to give it. Whether you feel it is ok to go the strip club or not... we can do it without saying things like "You are the type of girl that make men...".

Having said that...I would not have a problem with my bf looking at porn...and I don't have a problem with strip clubs as long as its for a bachelor party thing.

Hey Everyone

Please be sure to respect each other's opinions and report any comments that attack other members!

thanks
team

Hey Jeny! Im not freaking at all. I really do appreciate the comments from those who dont think its a big deal. Thats why I posted the question in the first place. To get a different point of view. My hubby and I worked it out and its all good. Now he knows how I feel about it and its over. Thanks for all the responses from both sides of the argument. Im still not cool with it but I understand it was all in good fun. Next time he'll think twice. He really is a great guy so I know he wasn't trying to hurt me. He does treat me like gold but this was just a lapse in drunken judgment and I definitely let him know how i felt about it. thanks ladies for all the comments!!!

Hahahaaaa! I bet MissJules5x is a stripper!

There are strip clubs in the town I live in, some of them are very upscale. My cop friend said this police department, is constantly busting various strippers for prostitution. He's worked in other cities and says that's common practice. So, you never know what the hell is going on in there. Whether a person goes further than a lap dance, that really depends on their morals.

I wouldn't like my bf getting a lap dance. If I was there, then I wouldn't mind. I'd probably get one also...lol...lol

PS. This is probably what I would have done, if my bf told me he had lap dances. I would get really pissed and then spray a bleach/water mixture, followed with a Lysol chaser on his naked body...lol

"I would get really pissed and then spray a bleach/water mixture, followed with a Lysol chaser on his naked body...lol"

AHAHHAHAHHAHHAHAH!!!! ROFL!!!

I was going to say to you that I think that you should have a calm, clear conversation with him about what makes you uncomfortable and what you consider cheating, and define your boundaries to him, but it sounds like you have already done that.
I am fine with my guy going to strippers or watching porn once in a while, but I don't think I would be fine with my fiance getting a lap dance either, although I don't think it would bother me as much as it bothers you. But isn't a lap dance basically dry humping the man's erection until he comes in his pants and rubbing her boobs and ass all over him? That sounds pretty damn close to cheating to me. I have gone to a strip club once with my fiance, because I like to look at the women. But he really is not into at all, which is pretty cool with me.

I don`t care what people say, Strip clubs should be for single guys only. Not for the ones in relationships or Married.For some it may not borther them, For me I can`t stand it. I should the only thing he should want to look at and not some tramp on a stage, Trying to make money the cheap way.If strips clubs can`t be just for single men only, Then way even have them to begin with.I agree to all the gals out there whose boyfriends and husbands go to the tramps and sluts clubs.

I guarantee that 90% of the guys that go to strip clubs are taken. Why would single guys go to a club filled with a bunch of other men and a few women who are only interested in you if you have money when they can go to a club filled with single women who are looking for love or a good one night stand?

Ang, I think you might want to rethink that idea. I'd sure as hell rather have my man surrounded by half naked women who have no interest in anything other than his wallet then surrounded by single desperate half-naked women who will screw him now for free in hopes that he'll keep her.

"Don't fall for someone who's not willing to catch you"