Date him exclusively and give this relationship a chance to see where it may go. When things get more serious, that is when you should begin to talk about the future problems, grief and pain your forseeing happening over your differing religions. Until then, give him a shot- unless of course the religion issue is too big for you to take a chance on, then maybe don't allow yourself to even date someone of a diffrent religion.

Actually, I advise against pursuing this relationship - because of your religious differences, the importance of these differences to your families, and the importance of your families to both of you.

Look, if you weren't 32 and getting pressure from your family to get married, you probably wouldn't be trying to force this issue in the first place. But maybe there's a silver lining here as well - the pressure is forcing you to look at the possible long-term impacts on this relationship.

IMO, when it comes to religion - particularly in the circumstances you've described - it's extremely difficult to create enough compromise to allow a marriage and family to thrive. When two people are seriously invested in very different religions, they often believe a middle-ground can be found. And as two adults making that choice, it's often possible.

Unfortunately, religious differences tend to become highlighted - and deeply entrenched - when children are born. Understandably, each parent wants to give his/her child the same religious foundation he/she was raised with. How do you think that will work for you and this young man? Are you willing to completely give up your religion? Is he? What about your families? Will either family accept the decision if one of you decides to give up your religion completely?

And what if neither of you is willing to give up your religion? Do you teach your children the beliefs of both faiths? How confusing will that be for your children? How much resentment will trying to raise your children in two different religions generate between you and this man? Will your families even cooperate, or will there be a persistent derision of the other family's religious beliefs?

Look, you're not in love with this guy - he's not your everything, soulmate, love of your life, etc. Although he's probably a nice enough guy, there are lots of nice guys out there who share your religious beliefs. Although it will be difficult to break this off, it will be much easier to do now, before it gets serious. Whatever you decide, good luck to you.

The only two religions that I know of that can't get along is muslim and christian or muslim with anything. I'm christian and dated a Jewish guy in college. We set religion aside and gave it a chance. Actually it was quite nice to be honest. The thing to remember is what types of values his religion is based upon, and could there be some common ground? At 32 will you be single forever trying to please your family? Respect your parents, but don't let them run your life. The only thing I'm not hearing though is that you're crazy for him. Maybe you should date if you don't think love is in the air.

A race against time... that kind of sounds like this is a movie with Nicholas Cage or something. Chill out and relax a little... when you're under so much pressure to marry, you're less likely to make a good decision. Overlooking big differences (religion) and glossing over personality issues... not good. If you're really looking to tie the knot so soon, I'd recommend using a dating website to weed out people who aren't looking for what you are. Yes, date around. It'll take you a long time to go through potential suitors one at a time... you need to meet a bunch, see who is interested and who interests you. Just keep things into perspective... you've only lived 32 years... don't spend the next 60 or so wishing you'd have waited a little longer to make a good decision on who to marry!

When I really like someone, you could throw Brad Pitt in front of me and I wouldn't be interested. If you're anything like me, you can date all the people you want, but as long as this guy is in your life, and you're interested in him, it's unlikely you'll be able to form a connection with someone else.

People from different backgrounds and religions can make it work, but almost never without sacrifice on some level. Only you two know if that sacrifice is worth it. If you're not willing to give those things up, then better to end it sooner rather than later to save some heart ache.

hmm thats a hard one, but the relationship does deserve a chance, dont loose hope..but be aware that its only been 4 months, and maybe if your so different its not ment to be.. ?

I say work on having a mind of your own. You're too old to be wondering about what someone else wants you to do.

Go for it... like they say its better to have loved once then not to have loved at all.... fall head first its the funnest

Dikke kus,
that was a VERY ignorant statement. "The only two religions that do not get along are Christian & Muslim..Muslim and antthing". Given that you are not an authority on this subject , i suggest you keep your bigotted opinions to yourself. And no, i am not a muslim.
I am a Christian...I just hate to see stereotypes perpetuated.
The key here is that the O.P has not implied that this is her soulmate or the love of her life or anything that would make the "differences" , the upset parents etc worth enduring.

Question for the O.P...knowing that you are two different religions and that your goal is to please your parents and find an acceptable partner for marriage.. why even start dating this guy..when you claim that time is of the essence..? Just curious.

I don't think that was an ignorant statement... a follower of the Muslim religion is expressly told not to marry outside of the religion. Christianity discourages it as well, but I believe there are very hefty consequences dictated in the Muslim books about what happens to those who marry outside of the religion. Catholics can't marry in the church if it's to a non-Catholic (right?) and I'm sure there are more rules for those who want to worship in the traditional manners.

3 of my cousins (all Catholic and v. active in church, I can even say they're pretty devout) got married to Muslim men.

Problems arise pre- and during the wedding (to 2 of them since their in-laws are devout Muslims and notinthemood is right, there was many objections and yes the girls's family discouraged the relationships knowing that religion will get in the way).

The only one who got married to a man who's not very religious (although he's Muslim) kind of got away with the religion issue at first.
Then after a couple of years of marriage, he decided to deepen his interest in religion and then problem began for them to the point he almost divorced her all due to religion (well, his new group of people he associates himself within his mosque definitely encouraged it). But then she got pregnant so they stayed together for their child.

All I know is, all 3 of the men wanted their children (yes they didn't expect their wives to convert since none of them want to convert) to be raised as Muslims, go to Muslim school and basically not participate in any Christian holidays. All 3 of my cousins are pretty submissive and agrees to that stipulation (short of saving/keeping their marriages). Their children are fine and happy though (it seems).

So I guess...it can work, but one of them has to relent or perhaps it can work if neither is too devout of their religion.
Oh it totally depends on the couple, all I know is, most of my relatives talk about those 3 girls ...with..pity because they just seem unhappy (and they did talk about how unhappy they are), too bad divorce culture isn't very favorable over there (where I used to live).

Hi All,
I posted the question. Thanks for your advice and responses. It is just a really hard situation for me. And for those who want to know why I even got into this is because I've dated so many men in the past two and a half years and barely hit it off with anyone. With this guy,I didn't hit it off right away but the chemistry was always there. I got with him not knowing how much i would like him. Yeah he's not the love of my life... not yet but i've dated enough to know that love of my life doesnt happen overnight. So in short I threw caution to the winds and listened to my heart cos I was feeling something after a long time.

His religion is Islam. He is not overly religious now in fact almost not at all. But I keep hearing stories of how men get religious as they get older and that's my worry. I've already told him I will not convert and our children will need to be raised under his faith and mine and accpet whichever faith they want when older.

Then there is the issue of our families. I don't want to get with someone to please my family but I want to get with someone who my family will accept and I don't know in this case even though he is the nicest guy and makes me really happy. I guess the same issues will arise with his fam too.
ughhhhhhh hating this.

anyway if you guys have any more advice, please send it my way. thanks!

Tarzangurl, children who are raised to embrace two very different religions usually end up embracing no religion as adults. (And yes, most people who don't consider themselves very religious tend to get way more religious when it comes to raising their children.)

I think you've gotten a lot of advice from people with very different perspectives...I'm not sure anyone here can offer any kind of magic solution. No matter what any of us says, you'll still be in a difficult situation - and you're the only one who can make the final decision. The only think I can suggest is to look for some websites that cater to inter-faith marriage/divorce (there must be some out there), and get feedback from people in similar circumstances. Good luck.

ljawgirl. Why do you assume I don't know anything about it? I do know a bit about it. I lived in the Netherlands which has about a 20% Muslim population, a bit heavier in Amsterdam. For the most part they don't marry anyone outside their religion. I think dating occurs but not very often. Not that it can't but just in general from true life experience it's not common or easy. Most of the general population around there knows that. They all get along but when it gets to marriage...a lot of the guys there joke about it under their breath to avoid the Muslim girls. Not in the open though. I have a Muslim friend and I can ask her more about it, but I'm pretty sure she wouldn't marry a Christian. That's a fact. No bigotry intended.