This year has been rough for my family. My parents decided to up and leave their California home to move across the country--after quitting their jobs and realizing their new home was not for them they moved back only to lose money, a house, and are jobless in this economy. Myself included in this brought me to live with them again as I was away at school until budget cuts ceased my opportunity to stay there. To save money I am staying with them in a apartment until their purchased home closes.
My Dad is an alcoholic, he is an angry person and lies about a lot. Lately he has been completely out of control, going off on innocent people around us, being outlandish, verbally abusive, rambling to himself and making it unbearable for my brother and Mom. He says he doesn't drink anymore (REFUSES HELP because he "doesn't have a problem") which is hard to believe as he often disappears and comes back sounding strange. I am an adult and not stupid.
I try to bite my tongue but living in such small quarters is so hard with his negativity and lack of care for others. When I confront him about his rude behavior he tells me to leave and he's doing nothing wrong. My mom tries too but he just gets even more angry and thinks everyone is out to get him and that we are the problem. So he then decides to leave and act immature by claiming he will sleep in his car and what not.
He also has prescribed depression pills but he often refuses to take them. Instead he drinks several diet sodas and is jittery all day and awake all night. I think the caffeine has turned him into a monster.
I can't afford therapy...and I can't leave because of my financial situation. It was glorious living on my own but I need to save my money until I can get done with school. I just don't know where to put my head or what to do with him.
My father is unbearable and I can't get away
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D&G
Your situation sounds pretty awful. Both my parents are alcoholic, so I can relate. For me, I had to totally remove myself from the situation and no longer have a relationship with either of them. I don't think this is for everyone, however. There were other issues. You do need to get out of that house. Find someway to make any extra money you can, get a roomate or roomates, anyway you can to get out. You don't say how old your brother is, but obviously a minor. I would take him with you. It's a terribly unhealthy environment. I do wish you luck.
1Find an Al-Anon meeting - you and your brother should go to as many as you can. You'll find a lot of healing there.
It would be great if you had a relative (grandparent, uncle, aunt, cousin) to stay with until you can afford to be out on your own. If you have no alternative, however, then I strongly suggest putting as much physical and emotional space between you and your parents as possible.
You don't mention how old your brother is, but if he's younger, why don't you take him with you (when you're staying away from your parents)? Go the library, mall, community center, etc. - just to be away from that toxic environment. Clearly, your mother is co-dependent, and an enabler, and she's not going to be much help to you, which is unfortunate.
While you're at the library, read some books on dysfunctional families (John Bradshaw has written some great ones); and co-dependency (Melody Beattie is also a wonderful author). And try to remember that this situation is temporary - it will be over some day. Just do your best to stay away from your parents, and limit interaction with them when you can't be away. You need to protect yourself and your brother. I hope you make that your top priority. Good luck, kiddo.
2Oh, that's pretty bad. If it were me I would be calling as many friends as I could and doing weekend sleepovers. I would even work two jobs and put my education on hold briefly until I got my own apartment. How can you study and test well anyway where you are? Take your brother with you when you do.
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