His behavior is completely inappropriate. I would NEVER put up with that from someone who supposedly loved me! Clearly, he got with you because of your physical appearance - not because of your character, personality or anything else.

Think about it - if you were to marry this guy and have his children, you'd have a lifetime of verbal abuse and harrassment to deal with. I say he gets one warning - STOP with the remarks and DEAL with your healthy body, or get out.

Umm, you are correct he is being an ass. I am 5'9' and 155. And my guys loves the way I look. But he doesn't like stick thin- so they may just have different taste. either way- he should not be saying things like that to you. He has won himself the certified Jerk Off award.

Sweetie, your post made me sick to my stomach. I don't know if you realize it but you're being emotionally abused and in a horrible way. In a relationship there are deal breakers and abuse is the top one. I don't think you should continue with this relationship because it will just hurt you more in the end. Count your blessings that he is just a boyfriend and not a husband and that you have no ties like kids to him. I don't want you to think that you aren't good enough to find someone else. He has put you in a corner with all the verbal abuse where you might not think you're good enough. What does he weight? tell him you're going to lose weight and when he says something say "I'm going to lose (his weight) bye!" and get the hell out of there.

I don't care how many years you have had invested in the relationship. ABUSE IS NOT NEGOTIABLE. It's sad that a bunch of posters on some website probably care more about how you feel than your boyfriend. He sounds like a piece of trash.

LOL guy* not guys. thats a little ironic Per my group therapy post.

Oh yeah, if someone ever insulted my mother I would kick there ass to the curb and kick them somewhere else (If you know what I mean!)

Honey, bid adieu to this poser and then hit the gym for your own well-being and happiness. Then watch while guys fall over the place for you as you become happier and more confident in who you are and what you stand for.

As long as you're confident in yourself, it doesnt matter what anyone else thinks. Trust me, I have gone through what you have, in HS I was 5'4 and a size 6 but now I am 5'4 and not a size 6 but happy. I have curves and breasts and all these things I was missing back then. As you said, if complete strangers compliment you, then obviously you are an attractive woman. He is hurting you by playing with your stomach and judging you based on your mother.

Leave him and find someone who would love every single inch of you for what it is and not what he wants it to be.

get rid of him he is a piece of crap and does not deserve to be with anyone

Your boyfriend is being an ass. He really wants you to lose weight and is getting the point across in a mean way.

That said, I am going to make some points related to the rest of the post, not in specific defense of your boyfriend, but just in regards to the topic of weight gain and relationships.

I normally don't call people out, but I do remember a group therapy post from one of the commenters on this post who said she only became attracted to her boyfriend when he lost a significant amount of weight, and was afraid he might gain it back!

So we have a double standard here.

I wouldn't be attracted to my boyfriend if he gained 50 pounds of fat. I'm just going to come right out and say it. One of the reaons I'm attracted to him is that he cares about being active and healthy and we can play sports together. If he gained weight it would mean he was just being lazy. (If the weight gain was b/c of something medical it would be different.)

I would also expect that if I gained 50 pounds, that my boyfriend would reserve the right to become physically unattracted to me.

And the adage "Look at your girlfriend's mother and that is what your girlfriend will look like in the future" is not an adage for nothing. It's obviously not always the case, but it's not like there is no genetic material being passed along here, either.

And also, how is calling someone fat who is morbidly obese offensive? It wasn't to her face. Are you really not allowed to call a spade a spade? I mean, it's no big secret that someone who is morbidly obese is fat, right?

So I guess my opinion is that it doesn't mean you are a horrible person to expect the person you are with to reasonably maintain the condition they were in when they met you, barring unforseen conditions etc.

We love to pretend we're not superficial and we only look at personality, but that's just not true. We need to be physically attracted to our mates.

All that said, your boyfriend really went about it in the wrong way.

your boyfriend is being a rude and has said some really nasty things to you. give him a one shot deal to apologize and stop it, or move on. pop-i do think its unreasonable for him to expect her to remain 5'11 and 125 lbs for the rest of her life. it was great that she had a supermodel metabolism when she was younger, but its not very realistic to expect her to stay that way as she ages. she didnt go from a "normal" weight to "fat", she went from "very skinny" to "normal". i'm just going on average weights and bmi's, but it works in this case. also, i doubt her 50 lbs are all fat. 5'11 and 175 is a reasonable weight, and while she could prob easily and healthily lose 15-20 through exercise and diet, he really needs to reevaluate his expectations or move on and stop talking to her the way he does.

Popgoestheworld - yeah, that was me who said I was afraid my boyfriend would gain back the weight he lost. But you know what? He's STILL considered obese on the BMI scale, even after losing a bunch of weight. His BMI is 31.

So I wasn't talking about someone going from underweight to slightly overweight, like this poster, whose BMI is 24. I was talking about a guy going from morbidly obese to slightly obese, hopefully getting down into the overweight category soon.

AND, I have never made any remarks about his weight to him, EVER.

If it is true that this lady's bmi is 24 then she is not even overweight. It is not the same as gaining 50 pounds.

Bullying and saying mean things equals JERK-OFF bf.

If he wants you to lose weight, how about talk to you about it and encourage you to do so (seeing that he's a gym rat, sounds like) instead of bullying and being a meanie. And if you're happy about your body, and you're not in a hurry to lose the weight, then...you go girl.

If he won't stop w/ the insults and mean remarks, then you really need to DROP the guy and move on.

You sound beautiful and healthy! And that should be your goal is to be healthy and happy. Sounds like your guys has some serious issues with himself if he is saying those things to you. Maybe that is why he is in "perfect" shape because people told him the same type of things. However it is still not OK to verbally abuse you and he probably will never stop. I would consider backing off from him a little bit and figure out what truly makes you happy! Good luck and Happy New Year!

Listen, your boyfriend is brutally superficial, arrogant and verbally ABUSIVE. Be happy that you found out NOW what he truly is. Maybe gaining weight was the best thing because you now know what kind of person he is. I say find a guy who likes you for YOU, not how you look in a bikini. There are plenty of men who would like you the way you are. Why waste your time with a self-centered jackass?????

Get in awesome shape for you, and when you feel like you love the way you look, REGARDLESS OF WHAT THE SCALE SAYS, Get naked, show him the new you, and say fk off! Bye! jerk!

hey this guy sounds like a complete and total ass! If this guy actually cared for you he wouldnt be saying this stuff about you! trust me. I am a lot shorter than you and a lot bigger than you and my boyfriend says im chubby and he loves me just they way i am. Hun listen to us dump the pricks ass! You could do a whole lot better! there are tons of good looking guys out there that like girls that they can hold onto without snapping in half! And as for the curves be proud of them! Dont go by the streotypic beauty point of this "| |" think of back in the 1940s and older eras the beauty size was a 14! nice and curvey with a chest too. Look at it this way as well you could be 5'11 175 lbs with a 36 A cup. You have boobs now too be proud. In the words of my boyfriend "if you got it flaunt it!" So dump him find someone who actually cares for you not what you look like.

Hope it helps

~Kiba chan~

Your boyfriend is being abusive by saying these things to you. When you are in a relationship with someone they are supposed to make you feel good about yourself and support you. I can imagine that you must feel hurt by the way he is treating you. Recently I have found myself in a similar situation. I quit smoking in the beginning of my two year relationship and gained about 30 lbs. Being intimate is very important for me to feel connected which is something I have admittedly stressed from the beginning and have had severe difficulty with throughout. It is 17 days past my 29th birthday the last day my boyfriend and I had sex partly on behalf of my birthday but mostly because of my meltdown expressing once again my need for closeness. He sympathized with the pain I was feeling and said he would try to be better about giving me what I need. Since then the activity level died once again and when I brought it to his attention once more his reply went something like this: When are you going to start loosing weight? When you start to loose weight I will sex you. Then he asked me if I had a scale and proceeded to tell me that I would have to show progress on the scale if I wanted to have sex with him. Essentially what he did was take something that he knew was important to me, in this case the connected feeling I get from intimacy in the relationship and he withholds it until he sees FIT. By the way I am 5'7'' and weigh 155 lbs I am crushed and I have a good idea how you feel regarding this touchy subject. The bottom line is this, I did put on some weight and I am not particularly thrilled with it but he valued hurting my feelings and wanting me sculpt me into this image he has for me rather then let me get through this in a positive way. I have been agonizing over this, feeling terrible. I don't want to be anywhere near him let alone have sex. I am no closer to loosing weight then I was before this conversation we had so the only thing gained is the sadness I feel. Letting someone treat you in this way is not healthy like I said people are supposed to make you feel good about yourself not bad. If you are truely happy with your weight tell your boyfriend where to go, but if you are feeling bad because you have gained weight then do something for yourself to change it but not for anyone else. The quality's inside of you are the ones that matter and if your boyfriend doesn't realize this then maybe he should be questioning what kind of shape he's in rather then yours.

Just last night my boyfriend and I were ready to make love and we were in the bathroom together. He looked down at my naked belly and said. Pregnant? I was devastated. I have lost approx. 50lbs in the past 5 or so years and I am short. I don't have the perfect stomach. I do work on it and I still try to eat right. I am 45, and I weigh 111lbs. I have been divorced almost a year now.

I can't even believe this post. This is way worse and I feel like crap. Thats why I was searching on the internet for this subject. I can't believe how inconsiderate and shallow men can be. Especially the ones who are supposed to love you.