So... I had a horrible sinking feeling when I saw an old conversation of my boyfriend's today. He was trying to find something to show me in his email when he opened this one up. It was a gmail chat that he'd had right before he met me. I only saw a little bit of it because he got nervous and shut it as soon as he realized what it was. Basically, he was bragging to some girl and flirting with her. Mostly about paying her for sex and anal sex. (No, he was obviously not going to actually pay her for sex... they were just kidding). I didn't say anything but I am so hurt! I think I'm being ridiculous and I feel dumb that this is bothering me. He hadn't met me at this time so he is totally within his rights to flirt with other people. I am just surprised because he never ever flirts online or in person with me. Even when we first met, he never flirted about sexual things with me. Is that bad?
Any advice would be helpful. I feel really stupid for being upset about this.
Vicenza
if,they were jst kidding then relax there ws nothing as u think......
1Well, it seems that to me your bf probably was flirting in overtly sexual manner with an old flirt/flame most likely because he didn't take her seriously or wasn't interested in being with her more than a fwb or platonic friend manner.
I'm assuming that the two of you are having a healthy sexual life and all although your bf didn't start out with flirting that way with you. And I assume that the two of you have been tested for STIs and are healthy, if you haven't, it's a great idea to do it immediately.
Men sometimes do that, they immediately go to the sexual flirting because they wanted to score (and masking it in a joke equals feeling of rejection if rejected) and they may usually not feel/think too highly of the women they're engaging in this manner (they're not thinking 'Oh I really want her to be my gf or be with me for the long run).
And the girls whom they really liked and wanted a real relationship with? They won't dare going in that area especially in the beginning because it's like almost certain that she would find him to be a cad/jerk or something like that, and when they want to be a girl for the long haul (or really fall hard for one), they're going to present themselves in a really good manner or in some cases, he'd behave gentlemanly so that she'd fall for him too.
Your bf may have been promiscuous or whatever in the past (hey, he's entitled to have his past), but he certainly behaves himself when he met you and wooed you.
So I'm saying if this is the only thing that bugs you, you shouldn't let his past (jokes/flirting) to bother you that much. He seemed to respect you and wanted you for a real relationship that's why he's not going down that 'road' with you. Understandably, he's embarrassed about this too, well, it is what it is. If you can, try get over it. Just focus on how he treats you.
Good luck.
*Unconditional love is a beautiful thing, just be sure to give it AFTER your conditions have been met.*
2Oh, brother.
3He did it before he met you. Whatever. Do you ever try to flirt with him in that manner? It takes two to tango. Let it go and don't look too far into it and make it into something complicated when it's not.
4I agree with Nevaeh. You shouldn't worry about this meaning anything. Your boyfriend probably never flirted with you in this overtly sexual manner because he actually LIKED you. Flirting about paying for sex is not exactly gentlemanly! So try to to worry about this meaning anything bad, because all it really means is that your boyfriend loves and respects you.
Beauty is not a competition. It is in all of us and all around us
5Relax. Let it go. He didn't treat you that way because he respects you.
6this was before you started dating. if it bothers you ask him to delete it. the end.
7He has a past......... it happened before he met you.Instead be grateful that he didn't send you the same emails because that would have meant that he didn't have a morsel of respect for you.
Don't let it bother you anymore.Leave it alone and move on ....
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