I have been dating a wonderful guy for over two years. We recently began looking at engagement rings. (At his insistance.. I thought he could pick something for me but nooo) I loved the very first one I tried on and thought it was ok to call it a day with looking since I wasn't thrilled about it anyway. He agreed and said that was that. I was SO excited. Then one day he suggested that we continue to look because I could change my mind and blah blah blah which I was blown away by because we were SO excited to have found something I loved at a very very low price. After a phone call from his mother I futher found out that it was her idea that we look more because you never know when you'd find something better. This enraged me. Why couldn't he just go with a decision that we made together.. and a decision he would finally make on his own? Since this incident.. I have seen and heard time and time again things that I talk to my BF's mother about are things that later come out of his mouth. Don't get me wrong I have a wonderful relationship with his mother and I love how much he respects her but I fear that he cannot make a decision about ANYTHING without consulting her and taking her advice immediately. I know throughout their lives his mother has single handedly raised he and his brothers and sisters in a time where they could not afford anything and his mother made sure the kids had all they needed and never knew of their financial hardships.. Now life is different and they are very wealthy. Still.. from finding out that she dug them out of such a deep ditch he feels that he now owes her the right to make every decision for him because she is such a wise woman. I am getting nervous and hoping that this is not a huge red flag for my future with this man. I have talked to him about it and he said he just felt like she knows so much about this stuff that her advice was the right thing to do.. and his mother even confided in me that when she asked about an engagement ring he told her to mind her own business.. little did she know it was a result of me insisting that he make his own decisions. Can someone please tell me I am not alone in my worry here and other women have felt this way and it has still worked out. I just don't know if I am ever hearing his ideas or his mothers ideas.. and it is starting to really rub me the wrong way because I see this trend in every single thing we talk about. And I sometimes end up feeling resentment towards her because she constantly is wanting to help him out and get him the best deals on things.. and I feel like on his own he is very capable of doing whatever. What can I do?
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Watch Season 4 of Sex and the City.
Charlotte and Trey are finally getting over the sex issues that Trey was having (Couldnt get the 'schooner' into the 'rebecca' hehe. Anyways, so they're moving on but everywhere Charlotte turns... theres his mother making effecting decisions. She decorated their house, she move in while Trey was sick and came into their bedroom in the middle of the night to rub Vicks on Trey's chest and finally Charlotte had to put her foot down and say "There can only be ONE lady of the house".
If you watch Season 3 when they get engaged and married and go through all of that stuff the mother is still a presence but Charlottle just brushes it off... which, when it comes to engagement rings, is what you should do.
His mother is only trying to do whats best for the two of you and while you find that annoying and invasive, they find it life. She worked her ass off to give her babies an incredible life that she never had and now that she's preparing to give her son away to another woman she wants it to happen on her terms too. You've talked to your fiancee, told him how you feel and he is voicing that to his mother. Thats all you can do. Until you're married and she starts coming over uninvited, I would talk to your man and have him speak to her and otherwise just lay back.
Maybe your man should have taken his mother ring shopping instead of ruining the suprise for you. Maybe thats what he should be doing now that his mother wants to get involved. Relax. Because if you piss off his mother then he may have second thoughts on marrying a woman who hates his mom.
Good luck and watch where you're stepping.
"Don't fall for someone who's not willing to catch you"
1I'm confused. This is the first time you have really seen this in action? And for the first two years everything was fine? And now you see it everywhere?
And from that, you say you don't think he can make a decision by himself?
I think you're taking this too far. I wonder why?
2Holy cow - relax.
You and your boyfriend and getting close to taking the next step, and you're having a little freakout moment about him and his mom. I think this is a clear sign you're not ready for engagement. That's fine - just tell your boyfriend you like things the way they are and want to hold off on the official engagement. You're clearly not ready.
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