Mom is a cougar

omg my mum is a cougar! altho she is 47 and has dated guys from 25-35 i think. Doesn't really bother me coz i don't live with her, but if it was someone who was my age (22) then i think i would have a problem with it. Obviously these young guys don't want anything serious, and I guess neither does she...

First of all, this is none of your business. You are her adult child and she is the adult MOTHER. She has now raised you to be on your own so go and do so.

You said that she was going through a "mid-life crisis for 10 years."

Maybe your mother feels that she has single handedly raised her 3 children as best she can and now it’s time for her to have a little fun. Leave her alone. You should only be concerned if your mother was 50 years old and was trying to date someone 18 years old and under.

Maybe the younger men she’s meeting are faster in life than the men in her own age group. Maybe your mother doesn’t want to sit on a park bench for 5 hours in the day. Maybe your mother was to take a cruise or go to a fun resort with someone that doesn’t want to do anything but have innocent fun and laugh all day.

You called these young men “trashy.” Now that makes me wonder if they are honestly trashy OR if you’re just being mean because you don’t like her “cougar” attitude.

If you met a man in his 50’s and you wanted to date him, would your mother be as judgmental as you are? Most likely not because she wants you to be happy just like she is right now.

Bottom line....leave your mother alone because she is not endangering herself by the young company that she’s keeping.

Yes, these young "cubs" honestly are trashy! Not very educated, shoot BB guns, speed through the neighborhood, some aren't employed, etc. And many of them look MUCH younger than early to mid 20s. Some look the same age as my little brothers. It especially worries me because this is not the type of person my mom would normally approve of (ten years ago), and she really could get any older guy she wanted. I'm sure not ALL men over 40 are boring and want to sit in parks all day!

I have to agree with Pink. Who your mother dates really isn't any of your business - unless you were going to tell us that she is dating men that are abusing her. You said "How can I get her to stop"? Why would you. As stated above, this woman feels like, hey, I have raised my children, I am a grown woman and single, I can date whomever I want and have some ME time for a change.

How do you know these are 'trashy young guys'. It doesn't say alot about your mother if you believe her judgement is that bad.

I say, leave her alone and let her live her life. Let her enjoy herself. She doesn't need approval from anyone. That is just my opinion.

If you are THAT worried about your mother then introduce her to some nice young men. Don't stop your mother from having fun and then you leave her alone to be lonely.

I agree, introduce her to some 'nice' young men if you want to help but I wouldn't "get her to stop".. She will just resent you for it.

Unless these guys are hanging around your mother just to get to you, it is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

ITA with the other ladies, as much as you find her taste in men detestable, it's none of your business whom your mom is dating/boinking.

I also agree with the suggestions that you may want to introduce her to some nice men, but you can't expect her to stop dating younger men, as long as they're 21 and over, it's legal.

It's none of your f*cking business. Leave your Mom alone. You ARE horribly judgemental.

Have some respect for your mom... her sex life has never been any of your business, and shouldn't be now. Just avoid the topic.

Okay, again, I'm dissenting from the rest of the responses here. I think you should be concerned....if not for your mother, then for your brothers.

You didn't mention how old your brothers are....are they minors? Where is your father in all this mess? Is he an influence in your brothers' lives? Is your mom bringing these guys home, or is she discrete, and keeping her adult activities away from your brothers?

Look....you mentioned she wouldn't have behaved this way ten years ago, so what happened ten years ago? Why did your mom suddenly change from a respectable lady into your town's hit-it-and-quit-it? Did she suffer some kind of trauma? An accident, death, attack.....something that could trigger such an outrageous change in her character?

Is it possible your mother is bi-polar, or is experiencing some other type of mental illness? Cause it doesn't sound to me like she's just super-horny all of a sudden...it sounds like she's acting out sexually. Does she see her doctor regularly....has she experienced any type of intermittent illness....dizziness, visual disturbances, auditory hallucinations.....anything that might indicate some kind of organic brain disorder?

Then there's the possibility of our good friend syphillis rearing it's ugly head. Untreated, syphillis can damage the brain severely, causing the infected person to behave in a hyper-sexual manner....and it usually recurs right around your mom's age.

You mentioned that the age of these boys might be younger than early to mid-twenties....any possibility she's bagging minors? Cause that's illegal.

Of course, there's the issue of STIs....women in your mother's age group are becoming the largest group of women to become infected with sexually transmitted infections - because they think the only thing they have to worry about is pregnancy prevention (and if their post-menopausal, or have had elective sterilization earlier in life, they think their worries are over). They don't get the whole concept of condom use - and even the limited protection condoms offer.

So, yes, actually, I think you should be concerned, and I think you should have a conversation with your mother about her behavior. I'm not sure where a woman in her 50s regularly finds men in their early 20s to hook up with, but clearly you have doubts about the integrity of at least some of these men. There's always the potential for violence in situations like these, and if she finds herself in a lot of different situations with different men, well I don't like those odds.

See if you can get your mom to go to the doctor, and get a complete physical - including tests for all STIs. Make sure she knows how to protect herself. Talk to your dad or a relative who's familiar with the situation - if you can't convince your mom to consider making a change, at least you'll have some support, and someone to commiserate with. Good luck, hon.

Well. I am curious why she's 50 and still has two kids living with her. You said she's been doing this for ten years so it's safe to asume she started at 40. Meaning she had kids around her 30's/ so children ages at least 15 or 16? I guess only you would know some of her reasons behind her sex life. I would be a grown up and ask. Maybe she got married verey young and had a lot of desires unfulfilled? Perhaps she got tired of doing the right thing all the time and not doing what she really wanted. Showing some concern like an adult might be better than confusion and open critism. I suppose it's not the safest and most assuring atmosphere to be in. However, as far as what you can do about it? Probably nothing. Showing some concern and doing some reasearch on why it's such a bad idea to start with I suppose. I would make sure she's not being hurt. Off the top of my head though, I really can't think of anything else.