Hello everyone looking for some help, I have been with a man for 4 yrs things got bad between us and i broke up with him we weere apart for a few months and got back toghter. I am no angel I have hurt him as much as he has hurt me.That was why i broke up didn't think it was right to hurt each other every day with words or how we treated each other. We talked and got back toghter,but the old hurts jumped right back in. We started fighting basically every day.He has told me that nothing i do is enough then calls me names and that was why i ended it before.He fights with me about going out to clubs and i think it is crap becuase he fights with me about going to get milk. I have told him this isn't right he wants to be able to go out with friends and it not be a problem well i want to be able to get milk then he tells me i am controlling he is on facebook but we have been fighting over the fact that I am not a facebook friend but he says he has nothing to hide.Am I just being a jerk he says i am he wants to share in all my life but i feel he only lets me know what he wants me to know then tells me that i am the one hiding stuff I have been only going to work or the store not even visiting my childern coming home to be with him. Last week he lied and went out then didn't answer his phone so i got mad.So i did the same this week except i txt him and told him i was going to have a drink with my Dad and that was what i did i missed his call then txt him back. I lost my son becuase of how much time I have given my relationship and my ex now has my son. So for me to hear that i never do anything for this relationship is more then i can take without losing my mind.Nothing i have every done was good enough not gifts,time,careing,putting him first, he know says that he isn't going to do anything more for this relationship if i want him i will show it. I really don't know what else to do he is angry about not answering the phone well that is what he did to me and now he doesn't like it hmmmm. I can't really put more into this when what i am getting back i don't want. I feel beat down and lost so much hurt I love him but I need to love myself and kids as well.He wants to know everything about my life but he can't even except a friends request on facebook and not call me names every day. He wonders now why i seem cold to him. Not sure if i should try to fix any of this or just move on. I can't fix it alone i tryed telling him that he just says if i want him i will he has done enough for this relationship it is all up to me now. With that said how can i really fix anything it takes 2 last time i looked. I hope someone can help me my head is spinning and i am confused I already asked him about us getting outside help to work stuff out he said he would be willing but that wouldn't be till later down the road. Thank you all
S***r
I'm sorry OP, but it seems like you're in a really unhealthy relationship. You were right to break up in the first place. It is not okay for two people to treat each other like you do. People stay in these relationships in the name of "love" but it's not actually love. It's usually addiction or some of kind of other need fulfillment.
The bottom line is that if you want to stay with this guy, you need to fully accept that your day-to-day with him is not going to change. This is it. Is this guy worth feeling this way? Only you know that.
After 4 years and a breakup, the dynamic stands very little chance of changing. Sorry
1Thank you for your honesty I have just spoken to him asked him if we could try just being friends.He will never change and I am done changing everything about me for him then being told i do nothing, I changed everything about myself hair color,contacts,friends,job,weight,clothes,quit smoking,and how I speak. I know i can never make him happy.My family need and want me I should give them more and stop spending so much of my life trying to please him
2Yeah, the "just being friends" thing is really not gonna work. You'll still be connected to this guy, and that connection will poison you and everything you do. It's kind of like saying you're going to go from being a hard core herion user to using recreationally. It just doesn't work.
You need to get some serious therapy to figure out why you've been willing to tolerate this abuse - to the point of losing custody of your child. This isn't just a bad relationship - this has created a crisis in your life. IMO, time for drastic measures - change your phone number, email address, even move if you can. Get away from this guy, and make becoming the kind of mother your son deserves your priority. Good luck.
3The fact that he is calling you names is verbal abuse. No, he will not change just because you want him to. I agree with the girls, this is a very unhealthy relationship and you need to get out. Counseling would be a very good idea for you because you sound really codependent. It is never healthy to change that many things about yourself for a man. The trick is to love yourself exactly the way you are and then find a guy that feels the same way. I don't think that you will ever be able to do this unless you seek therapy. Like honey said, you need to end ALL contact with this man, be single for quite awhile and work on your issues. Then prioritize the really important things in your life, such as your children. I sincerely hope that you can do this. Good luck.
4I'm hung up on the fact that you lost your baby over this guy. Are you serious? I can't believe you are even asking if you should stay with him. He treats you like crap and he is making you responsible for the happiness of the entire relationship. Get away from this guy and do not maintain any sort of friendship with him. Would you even stay friends with someone who treated you this way? I don't think so.
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