I plan to tell my husband of 4 years tonight that its over. I know in my head its the logical thing to do.  We are both in our 40's and we never intended to have any children.  3 months ago he announced that he was unhappy because he  wanted to have a child.  This took me completely by surprise as I has made this very clear from the start that this was not for me.  He already has a 15 year old son that he is not taking care of because he is doubtful that he is the true father and the mother refuses a DNA test - but that is a whole other story.  He acknowledges this but also says he hoped I would change my mind and that he has had a change of heart.  I can't see myself having a child at this stage in my life.  Maybe if  I felt more secure (emotionally / financially)  about our marriage to begin with I might have been persuaded.
Prior to his announcement we were having issues with I communication and money.   But doesn't every married couple?  He made a few mistakes and invested borrowed money which he lost but never told me about until it was too late. I was pretty ticked off for a long time as I felt this was not fair to put me in debt after a lifetime of careful planning and saving.  I tried to help him to budget, got a job and helped out with the bills but  he refused to reign in his spending and I became more and more resentful.  In addition,  he is a binge drinker and refused to take a cab home which I had a big problem with especially since where we live is a zero tolerance country - you go straight to jail then deportation.  As a result I refused to go out with him and when I did I was always on edge so I compromised and we entertained at home on the weekends and during the week even though I had work the next morning - he works different shifts everyday.  I later found out from pictures that the entertaining continued even when I was not there as he and his friends invited women (unknown to me) over to our house.
His pattern of making  plans that had a direct effect on me without consulting me continued.  I think if he could he would have got himself pregnant and told me about it after.  He eventually began to spend hours on FB and started to reconnect with the old flames which only made me feel more insecure about our marriage.  We were bearly on speaking terms when he made his announcement.  When I questioned him about how this was a feasible option he just thinks everything will work out just like everything else and every couple that have kids. I was not convinced obviously and that trigged hisI figured he just wanted out of the marriage and I still think that he is using the baby issue as an excuse to cover his inability to grow up and be a man.  As I said earlier he already has a son that he half heartedly acknowledges and does not support.    The final straw was when he started staying out all night and not coming home till 9 - 10 am.  I could not take it anymore and I moved out 3 months ago and  our communication  has just deteriorated to the point where he cannot hold a conversation longer than an hour at a time.  We went to a counselor that did not help.  He says he finds it hard to talk to me about his issues and he thinks counseling is a waste of time. He claims he wants to work it out and that he is trying to put his life together - but for me it starts with communication and he can't seem to get it together in that department. should I give it more time?
SO since no one here knows me I am here looking for honest opinions, comments and hopefully validation.