I am engaged to a great guy who comes from a great family, and are planning for a wedding which is two years away, but still coming up pretty quickly in my mind. I said HE comes from a great family, I on the other hand, do not. My parents went through a rocky divorce after a rockier marriage of 19 years. When I marry, their divorce will have taken place four years prior, but the past can never be in the past -- understandably. I am not fond of my dad, but feel horribly guilty even thinking about not inviting him. I know I will be inviting him to the wedding, which in itself isn't a problem...it's the problem he has with my mom that makes things complicated. My parents can't get along if their lives depended on it, not in a grocery store, not talking about my younger sibling, not for anything. My mom is very bitter after the divorce and hates my dad quite a bit. She will start problems, in my opinion, every opportunity she gets. She criticizes him constantly (to him and family) about his new life, which she is not involved in at all. My dad talks constant garbage about her to her and his family and also my younger sibling. I am sure that they will never get along at any time in their lives. They hate each other completely. Just because their daughter is getting married will not put them in a better mood around each other, and my mom confirms my fear. Because of them, and because of my discomfort with my dysfunctional family, I am not wanting my family and my fiance's family to be together longer than necessary. Not to mention I don't want my parents to be around each other longer than necessary. We want a wedding with the four members of his family and the three members of mine, and have them leave that night, after our morning ceremony, of course. To my fiance and I, even though that it what we want, it seems completely rude. After all, `it is only "right" to have a little "reception" after the wedding, like a dinner or something, to keep the guests from feeling alienated or unimportant. However, I am not into a reception or having the two families together, because it will undoubtedly be awkward for all of us, and rampage-inducing for my parents. I don't want to come off as a cold bride, but I want to avoid the drama for the sake of all of us! How do I present to everyone the idea of not having a reception? How can I make it up to both sides of the family for not having a reception or after-wedding dinner as they are traveling 9+ hours to see us get married?
I am truly at a loss, and I want what is best for everyone involved.
-A Stressed Bride-To-Be.
Pilgrim
Take a deep breath.
A lot can happen in two years.
A year from now, start planning your wedding, and plan it the way you've always dreamed it would be. If you want a reception, have one. Remember that your wedding day is about you and your fiance, and no one else. Do not make any decisions based on other people's attitudes right now.
For now, relax. I recommend not planning anything for another year. You are way ahead of the game and it's only freaking you out. (And I'm pretty darn sure your fiance doesn't want to hear about all the what-ifs and possible family drama for the next two years.)
1I was in a similar situation. Except I planned my wedding in 6 months.
My parents do not get along at all. They do not speak to each other. I just let them be grown ups. Fortunately they were able to act like grown ups without my intervention.
They should be able to behave themselves at their own daughters wedding. I would sit down with them each and explain what is expected of them if you feel that is necessary. Treat them as the children they are acting like if you feel that they will not be able be grown ups for your day.
Tell them that you would be very disappointed if they ruined your dream day!
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