My best friend knows I still have feelings for my ex-boyfriend. However, the two of them have some "history" that I am not too fond of. She refuses to talk about him with me and has even claimed that she hates him. But when we went out to a bar for my birthday last week, she would not stay away from him. Every time I looked over at him, she was dancing with him or joking around. Normally this wouldn't be odd, but she still says she can't stand him and knows how I feel about the situation. She's very pretty and very outgoing, but at times it seems that she is unhappy if I am getting any attention at all from guys. She has a boyfriend but it doesn't seem to stop her. I know that this guy isn't my boyfriend so I shouldn't be jealous, but it still hurts my feelings. Is there any way I can talk to her about this without hurting our friendship?
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I don't know how close you guys are. But when in HS similar thing has happened to me and my 'bff,' so I basically had a little talk with her. I told her that I felt hurt when she was doing those things (flirting, hanging out, hiding those from me, etc) to my ex-bf when I wasn't over him yet. Of course she did have her defensive mode (she was just being friendly, etc), but sure enough she watched what she was doing more after that talk.
My suggestion is to just have a talk with her. Don't ask for apology, don't make her promise anything (if she wants to promise, let it be from her own accord). Just tell her how hurt/jealous/upset you were when you saw her dancing/flirting with your ex at (insert place) during (insert time), because you're not quite over him yet.
I'm pretty sure she'll throw the 'I have a bf' reason and 'I was just being friendly' and LET her say those. Say that you know all those, but you just want to let you know about how I felt the other day.
Basically affirming that it just hurts your feeling when she's flirting with your ex in front of you. Don't ask her to not do it anymore or whatever.
If she's a good friend, she'll probably watch how she acts around him from now on, not because she has to, but because she's CONSIDERATE of your feeling.
Well, THAT is if she's not really aware that she's flirting with your ex or trying to rub one in or whatever. But if she's by nature vindictive, don't even talk about to her and just DISTANCE yourself from this girl. Beside my so-called 'good friend' from HS, I never really had to have that type of talk, because I surround myself with people who are more considerate. Believe me, you'll be happier with friends who are more considerate of your feeling.
1She certainly isn't behaving like a best friend. I would say something like "You know I still have feelings for Chris - I really wish you wouldn't flirt with him so much in front of me. It's hard for me to see."
2Wow, this friend is either clueless, or a mean girl...she seems like she is rubbing your nose into it.
She strikes me as someone who thirsts to be the center of attention and to be "the one everyone wants", no matter how it affects her friendships. Think about it..she is being completely two-faced with him. She tells you she doesn't like him, and then flirts and plays with him...do you ever wonder what she says to him about you?
I would talk to her, but don't expect an apology...this chick is all about herself, and has clearly shown that. I also think she has a bit of a thing for your ex, so be ready for that.
3I agree with jazztummy. What a meanie
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