I have been with my boyfriend since we were 20. We are now both 27 years old, have lived together for 6 years, and after years of talking about it, decided now is the right time to get married. We have gotten all of our ducks in a row, and it feels very comfortable, and we are so excited! We each have iffy relationships with our families. His is pretty distant (they don't talk often), but they are such nice people, and I love them very much. I have developed a hatred with half of mine who have behaved extremely badly. We feel sorry that it has come to it, but decided it would be in our best interest if we had our wedding just the two of us, and skip all of the potential bullsh*t that would come while getting married in front of our families. We are going to video tape it, and we don't necessarily want to exclude anyone from this occasion...it's just that it feels like the right thing to do. I have told this to my mom, and she says that since marriage is so special, if we truly feel it would be a bad thing to risk fights and whatever else might occur, then we are making the right decision. We are both having a very hard time deciding how to announce this. He has discussed calling our parents (my parents live in one state, his in another) and saying that we are marrying on such and such a day, and then sending out announcements to inform the rest of our extended family that we have married. In some way, I feel it is rude to say something so important over the phone. I don't want to ruffle any feathers, really. So the other option is to fly to each state and announce that we are getting married. I don't know. I just never thought it would come to this, though I am happy. I really don't want to upset our parents by "announcing" in the wrong way...especially since we have been together so long and we have both become like part of each others families. Do they really need more than a phone call for this to be tactful? I know that people elope and then tell their families, but I do feel like they are entitled to know before we do. Either way, we still have to tell them. Do you do it in person or on the phone? Like I said, we live in Florida, my parents live in NY, and his parents live in VA, but when it comes to something like this, maybe distance doesn't matter?Any advice is SO appreciated!
Wonderbra
What's wrong with sending out marriage announcements... the paper kind? You have been together for quite some time so it's not like your families are unfamiliar with your relationship situation, so I don't see any problem with eloping privately and letting everyone know through the mail and phone calls.
And FYI, you might want to re-think the hatred of half your own family... while his might seem to be WAY better than yours, they are not yours by blood. When you need support, they won't necessarily be there for you like your own family can. Especially in arguments with your spouse. Which, there will be. Many. Since you're moving forward with the marriage step in your life, maybe it's time to bury the hatchet with some of your own family?
1After 7 years, this marriage is probably not going to seem like a shocker. Either way you look at it, getting married and just sending out the paper announcements later will be a disrespect to no-one. You are just doing what you feel is the right thing to do. People elope all the time. I think maybe you were trying to stray away from the whole knowing each other for 2 days and getting married in Vegas situation. Your relationship has gone on for so many years that this situation is totally unlike the one you may have been thinking of. Your families will be happy no matter what. Video tape the wedding if you want people to see it after the fact, but don't feel obligated to have a huge blow-out if you don't feel like it.
I agree with notinthemood, though. I have a rough situation with my dad, but I have managed to become more civil with him. His side of the family has wronged me as well, but you forgive people, which is all you can do. At the end of the day, your family is the only one you have. His can't serve as a replacement for yours. I hope you find it in your heart to forgive them. Maybe one day they can be a part of another big event in your life...and have it be a fun experience.
2You're making this way too complicated! No body flies to each state their families live in to announce they're getting married. You pick up the phone and call them and say "Great News! Jim and I are getting married!"
At that point, no one is going to expect you to have the wedding all planned out. So you can either wait a little while to discuss the plans to elope, or tell them right then. Just say simply: "We've decided to elope!"
3I agree with popgoestheworld completely. And Chrstne had some good advice too. I think my parents at the time I was engaged lived about 6,000 miles away so I just called them. They didn't mind it at all. They were glad to hear about it. A lot of people elope. Its your own personal decision. A wedding is if you feel like a big party and sharing the day with family. If your not that close then dont' feel guilty about a wedding just the tow of you. Do what you feel is right for you.
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