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Help me! Is emotional cheating a reason to break up???

Posted By Anonymous on Jan 2, 2010 at 4:22PM

Hi everyone, I need some help figuring out what to do… I am considering breaking up with my boyfriend (together apx 3 yrs). When we're together our relationship is wonderful, and I believe we love each other very much. However, I am seeing a bad pattern. He does things that are really hurtful and very disrespectful to our relationship.


Currently my boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship. We met in college, he's a med student. Right now he is interning at a hospital about a 10 hour drive from me. For Christmas I went to visit him and discovered that he is spending ALL his time with a girl from the same med school. They weren't friends before, but it's shocking that they have developed such a close "friendship" within such a short time. My boyfriend and this girl spend all day in the hospital together (which I can understand) but what shocked me is that they spend ALL their free time together, too, and on top of that they call, email, facebook, & text message each other multiple times every day, which he is now not doing with me. So to recap, they have spent ALL DAY and EVERYDAY together now for several weeks (except for the few days I was there, although she joined us a lot)! When I talk to my boyfriend on the phone and ask what they did today, he is extremely defensive, acts like I am a psycho-jealous girlfriend, and tries to blame me for getting in his way of making friends. He promised me that he will never cheat on me and that I can trust him since he had a previous girlfriend that cheated on him. He may not be physically cheating on me (at least not yet), but I really feel that he is emotionally cheating on me. (Btw, his friends absolutely hate this girl for some reason, and the doctors at this hospital call her "Bimbo" behind her back!)


Similar drama has happened before in our relationship that have caused me to doubt him.


My boyfriend is handsome and smart (at least academically), but he is shy and socially awkward, which he has used as an excuse to explain why he has gotten into bad situations in the past. He also avoids confrontation. I love him and thought we had a committed relationship, but it is now seeming one-sided. I am quite sure that he doesn't want to lose me, but I am getting tired of this emotional roller coaster.


So please help me decide what is best to do… Do you think I should completely break it off? Or should I back off from this relationship? Or am I just being overly paranoid here? What should I do?