&Follow SJoin OnSugar
Ask any personal question anonymously and receive advice from the Sugar community!

"He won’t stop looking at porn! What can I do?"

Posted By Anonymous on Jan 1, 2010 at 2:03AM

A Guy’s Perspective: What a Guy Really Wants – Part I (warning, very explicit)

I am a guy, and I have heard several women here complain that their boyfriends look at porn. I thought I would give some advice from the male perspective. First, we men are nothing more than human walking sex machines. We think about sex all the time. If you were to ask us what we want to do right here right now, and we were honest, we would say, "Have sex!" It is important to consider the main question from this perspective. Every man wants to get good and aroused, and then have an orgasm. He wants it now, and he does not want a bunch of hassle. If getting aroused and then having good sex with her right now is too much of a hassle, then looking at porn is a whole lot easier and convenient.

First, what a guy really wants is to see her walking around nude. It is as simple as that. (Just today, I had lunch with a co-ed at my college, and I could not get my mind off what she must look like totally naked.) For example, a man would LOVE to see his girlfriend making dinner or vacuuming the living room carpet while she is totally in the buff. (There are porn sites on the Internet of women doing housework while nude, and they are quite arousing for us guys.) He wants her to walk around the house nude, put her leg up on the coffee table and tug on her pubic hairs, letting him watch. Or jump up on the kitchen counter and start fingering herself. Especially, he likes to watch her tits swinging in the wind as she walks around the house. If she is really small breasted it…does…not…matter. As long as he can see two nipples, he’s happy. Of course, he wants to do more than just look at her breasts, he wants to play with them, in a way that is easy and hassle-free. Her breasts are his toys. He wants her to him often to touch her breasts often, unexpectedly, and several times a day. The more she unexpectedly goes topless, gathers her hair up in her hands (if she has long hair), puts her hands on her head, jiggles her breasts, and lets him play with those two sex-toy breasts of hers, the happier he’ll be. What happens in porn? A porn star just walks in, pulls off her top and bra and starts swinging her tits around. That is what he wants to see, totally hassle-free, and he can get this from porn. His girlfriend can do the same thing, she will remove one of his needs for porno.

Let’s talk about one fantasy that every guy has. (Yes, all guys.) He wants to tie her up on the bed, nude, spread-eagle, in bright light, and look at, touch, taste, and enjoy every inch of her body at his leisure, especially her vagina. He may never admit to wanting to do such a thing, but that is what he wants to do. The important thing to remember is, she can give him such free access WITHOUT being tied up. All she needs to do is just lie there motionless, in bright light, spread-eagle, arms grasping the headboard above, giving him all the time in the world, letting him do what he wants, and then there is no need for her to be tied up. He just wants her to lie there patiently while he fingers her, gently pulls her open, looks up into her vagina, experiment with different lubricants, etc. He wants her to do things like let him spend ten minutes doing nothing but twirling her pubic hairs in his fingers, then spend another ten minutes doing nothing more than visually inspecting every inch of her inner lips. She can have four or five dildos sitting right there, and ask him in to insert each one and tell her which one he likes best (if she is willing). She could ask him to trim her pubic hair a little with a pair of scissors, or shave her if she is up to it. Her vagina is his most favorite toy. She should let him play with it (at least that is how he sees it). If she will give him totally uninhibited and leisure access to look at it and play with it, he won’t need to use porn to get the same "access." If he were to walk into the bedroom tonight and unexpectedly see her spread eagle on the bad, a pair of scissors in hand, asking for a small pubic hair trim, believe me, he would forget all about porn for a while.

Is she too shy to do a spread-eagle in bright light for him? If so, she should tell him! I had a girlfriend who would never, never let me get a good look down there. I never said what I wanted to say, which was, "Look, if you do not give me a good look, then why the hell am I here?" She needs to let him know that she understands the frustration he has. If it is a problem, she should admit it, apologize (yes, she should apologize), and find a way to be less shy. This is a problem they have together, and they need to work on it together.

Other fantasies. Every man likes to have his penis and his balls admired and cooed over as she fondles them. Every guy likes a blow job, and often. Every guy likes her to resist his penetration, and make him push hard to get in. Again, he may not admit it, but these are the things he likes. And if she gives him what he really wants, he is less likely to vicariously enjoy the same things in porn.

These are the kinds of things a man wants to see and have done to him. He can find these things on the Internet in just a few minutes. If his girlfriend can do these things for him, he will be less willing to go running off to the Internet. Remember that guys are nothing more than human walking sex machines. They know what they want, but they may not come out and say it. Porn gives him what he wants. She can give him what he really wants, so then he won’t need to go watch porn.

It is absolutely necessary that men and women know exactly what each other want. I am also a firm believer in the idea that it is his turn, then it is her turn (or her turn first). One night or one hour he gets exactly what he wants and she is only too happy to make him feel like a king. Then it is her turn to just sit back and enjoy him making her feel like a queen. There is no need to get into weird, kinky, submissive bondage stuff, just find out what each person wants and take turns giving it to them. This will greatly increase the emotional bonding between the two of them. And remove his need to get this from porn.

Okay, ladies, now I want to hear exactly what a woman wants.