I am in a relationship going on two years. He is absolutely my soul mate, and I realize that even through rough patches, like a broken engagement, as a major issue I overcame, and a series of minor problems. We generally have a good relationship, we enjoy each other's company, and always have fun together. The biggest problem I have is that he is not a very affectionate person in general, and he tends to put many things before me. I understand that I cannot be his number one, but I feel like he has replaces me with his job, and he lets the notion that I took everything from him get in the way. I don't believe I took anything from him, but obviously life has changed. We moved in together, and he got rid of friends who were very bad for him. He blames me for being the person who took his life away.
He says he wants friends, and to do things without me -- which I have no issues with. However, I told him, that when that happens, then he needs to make sure that he puts effort into our relationship -- which he doesn't do now. I feel completely neglected, unattractive, and in general just unimportant. He says I do it to myself, but sometimes you need the one you love to treat you that way, and not just say the words. I feel like I am being selfish telling him that when it gets to the point where he has friends and is going out with them -- then he has to work on our relationship. His boss, who is a huge influence on him, has a great wife who lets her hubby do anything -- however, they have a fantastic relationship, and he acts very differently towards his wife than my boyfriend acts towards me. My boyfriend acknowledged this, but said that he will do what he wants anyway, and I can go f*ck myself.
Am I really being unreasonable? I have been trying to fix some of the issues we have, and I have told him many times the simple things that can help things immensely. Am I being a total b*tch telling him that he should make me and our relationship, which came first, a priority before making friends and then leaving me at any time he wants?
I am not saying he can never have friends. I am saying that if he plans on using more things to replace me, I should at least have a boyfriend who shows me that he loves me.
Dune
You said "I understand I cannot be his number one." That's where you're wrong. You SHOULD be his number one! Dump this guy and move on to someone who loves you and deserves you. Your current boyfriend is taking you for granted because he thinks you'll never leave. Well, prove him wrong. Go now.
1luisa is right. Clean break. He should put you first if you guys are these 'soul mates.' Been in your shoes a long time ago. I left and I'm now very happy with someone who puts me first and doesn't take me for granted. Believe me, when you're in a positive relationship, you don't feel the way you do.
2Relationships is about giving. You give, he gives, everyone wins. He gives, you take but don't give = you win, he loses. You give, he takes but doesn't give = he wins you lose. Give - Give, everyone wins. ^_^
3Anyway, with that said, consider as many angles to life as possible, things can be black and white. However, being the complicated beings we are, life is every other color. Everything is never what it always seems.
4Unfortunately no one person can fix a relationship. Both parties are equally responsible for the problems and solutions. Time for you to re-evaluate if it's time for you to leave.
5Honestly, it doesn't sound like you are very happy in this relationship. What's a soulmate compared to 50 unhappy years married to someone who doesn't make you feel loved?
6You shouldn't have to force someone to make you a priority in their life, they should just do it because they want to. That being said, it was not really fair of you to distance him from his friends. I agree that you really don't sound happy in this relationship. I would suggest that (if you want to stay with him for now), you start distancing yourself from him a bit and reevaluate the things that will make you happy in life. Start being self involved like he is being, give him a taste of his own medicine. But just don't expect him to change, and don't expect that you will ever be able to change him. If he doesn't make you feel happy, it is time to reevaluate whether you truly want to stay with him. Good luck to you.
7he is not good for you, i'm sorry. i have felt the way you feel right now. you should be able to be your boyfriend's "number 1," and if you're not, he is not giving you the love that you truly deserve.
also, this comment concerns me: "but said that he will do what he wants anyway, and I can go f*ck myself."
how incredibly disrespectful! that's another thing that makes me think you should break it off with him. he is the one being selfish and only thinking of himself instead of your feelings. i mean, who knows, maybe you constantly asking him to work on the relationship is bothering him and driving him away, but that probably means he just isn't cut out to be in a truly committed relationship.
do what's good for you, and what's good is having a significant other who can put you before himself
8OMG if ure not his number one priority then obviously HE is his number one priority. This guy is selfish beyond reason, bleugh. i would never ever ever stand to be in a relationship with some1 who didnt worship the ground i walked on!!! (and my boyf does
)... isnt that
what ever girl deserves? find someone who will treat you like a princess, make you feel beautiful and tell you you are beautiful everyday... Do something to make ureself happy... if it means
getting rid then so be it... in the long term u may find a guy who has everything ure looking for, and does everything you want...without being asked/forced to.
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