Disclaimer: This is going to be a lengthy one! But I would REALLY appreciate your help.
Lately, I've been having trouble with friends. Not any friend(s) in particular, just friendship in general.
Well, I guess I should start from the beginning—back in high school, I was very outgoing and quite the social butterfly... I never discriminated against anyone and since I was heavily involved in school, I met a lot of my friends through those networks.
Anyway, I graduated and kept in touch with a handful of friends. For the first two years of college, I stayed at home and attended a community college. One of my girlfriends, who I've been friends with since fifth grade, started noticing a change in our friends who actually left and went away to college. She would say, "Ugh, they think they're better than us just because they attend an actual university." I sort of agreed—because after a while, those friends stopped talking to me, but didn't want to admit it because I had planned on leaving after receiving my Associate's degree.
That day came and I went away to a University about three hours away. At first, I went through withdrawl—it was my first time moving out, seperating from my then-boyfriend and leaving my friends behind. After a month or so, I completely adjusted. I broke it off with my insecure and non-supportive boyfriend. I started making new friends and meeting new guys. I definitely tried to keep in touch with my friends from back home, but I felt like we were drifting apart. Nonetheless, I kept on trying. But I found comfort in my new environment and in my new boyfriend.
Finally, I graduated college and begrudgingly moved back home. I didn't really want to move back home, but as many college graduates, I was broke. Anyway, I am still here and do not know what to do with myself! I terribly miss my friends from the university I went to. (Luckily for me, my boyfriend lives only 30 minutes away from me, so I get to see him once or twice a week!)
That girlfriend I was talking about earlier basically started talking smack last night (which is why I'm here today... blogging about it), saying the same thing she said about our friends who initially left for school. She stated online that I've changed. I was kind of hurt by it, but at the same time, I totally agreed. I mean, I'm not the same person I was five years ago (that's when I graduated high school). I just don't agree and enjoy the same things she and other friends do here—like smoking pot, doing drugs, drinking excessively, and partying every night. I'd like to think that I've matured and done a lot of growing up in the last five years.
But that's not where the story ends, folks. You know those friends who went away to college before me? Well, they'd like to think that I haven't changed. Well, I haven't give them any reason to think so. I don't get it! I feel like either way, people think I've changed because I don't want to partake in their activities and other people think I'm the same because we haven't talked since we've graduated high school.
I'm flabbergasted and lost. I know I shouldn't let others' opinions of me affect me so much, but it's hard when either side isn't welcoming.
I'm trying to look on the bright side—I have friends now who love me and accept me as I am. I have a wonderful boyfriend who's taught me to look beyond things. But I guess I don't want to be that person who doesn't remember where she came from and at the same time, I don't want to be that person who lets that place where she came from hold her back.
Do you get what I'm saying?
La Senza
I feel for you - this seems like a difficult situation.
Do you live in a small town? Because I think that might make it harder. If not, maybe you should try finding friends outside of your old friends from HS.
The partying crowd sounds like dead beats. The people who did go away and come back probably just think of you like they did in HS. That's not a bad thing per se - it's just human nature to assume someone is the same unless you have evidence otherwise.
If you think you might like getting back involved with some of them it might not hurt to just reach out and send an email saying you'd like to get together sometime. Can't hurt to try.
All in all though, it sounds like you have some great friends, even if they don't live close by. Hopefully you can lean on them until you find some more local peeps.
Good luck.
1I think you said it best yourself: "But I guess I don't want to be that person who doesn't remember where she came from and at the same time, I don't want to be that person who lets that place where she came from hold her back."
It's always good to remember your past and who you were, but its NOT good to be stuck in the past and be someone who you aren't anymore. If those friends from your past are your REAL friends, then they should love you for your evolution into adulthood, and not because you can't "hang" anymore. Did they only like you because you liked to party? Or because they really valued you as a unique person?
After being out of college for a few years, I'd like to say that everyone changes but maybe at different rates. It may seem sad if you grow apart from old friends, but it would be sadder if you were held back by them.
2Post A Comment
To post comments, please log in or register.