Ok, this is going to be a bit long and I am sorry in advance for it.
I have been on and off with my boyfriend for close to 11 years now. In the begining it was perfect but due to some family issues on both sides, the pressure of being together began to be too much. I was emotionaly ruined and became and alcoholic. I felt sadden by the lost of the relationship that me and him had. We continued to have sex through the seperation. With the understanding that if the other one found another person they wanted to date and have sex with, then they would be open about it and let the other know ASAP. This was going great. Until I had wanted more from him. We were both unsure about getting together again. He kept telling me that he did not have time for a girlfriend. But as soon as I put my foot down about him being with me or to just go our own ways, he was gone.  We stopped talking altogether, which was good for me. Out of the blue one day he calls me and asks me to give him oral. (Is that allowed? I am sorry if I am not suppose to say it) But I had a feeling he was seeing someone else because I was still following his myspace page. Instead of coming clean and telling me he had a girlfriend before he asked me for that "favor", he chose to hide it. I was so upset I decided to end the relationship all together because the only thing I asked for was trust and honesty. I was completely crushed and heartbroken. I wanted to be with him and he was with someone else.
Anyways, after a year of not talking to him and sobering up, he came back into my life. He was single and available. I had not stopped thinking of him the entire year. So, when he did contact me I basically told him the same thing. Either be with me or move on with your life without me. He decided to give us another try. One day while on the phone with him, I can hear him IMing someone. I playfully asked who he was chatting with. I assumed it was one of his guy friends.At first he denied IMing anyone and when I told him I could hear the dings, he said "no one" and that made me want to know who it was even more. He finally confused saying, "Well technically it is my ex" , the same one he was dating while he was trying to get into my pants. With hearing that, I felt sick to my stomach and told him I needed to get off the phone. He asked why and I told him he was not going to have his cake and eat it too! He said I was over reacting. But truthfully, I do not think he needs any contact with her at all! He has nothing that is bonding them together. No kids, not bills, no house, NOTHING!
One day at his place, which is ours now, as I have moved in with him, I commented on an item he had in a room. He proceeds to tell me his ex got it from him. Which made me want to break it. I pretty much told him I would break anything I found around the house that she had given him if I found it. Not that I have a right to break someones stuff, because I do not. But because of all the emtional pain it brings back of him being dishonest. I am hurt and crushed all over again. So, we agreed that I would not break it, if he did not have anything that she gave him lying around.
Well, tonight he came in with a shirt that she gave him. Disgusted, I gave him a look and made a noise. He acted like he had no idea why I did what I did. We got into a fight with him telling me it was "just a shirt". But it is not just a shirt, it is that situation all over again. It is not being honest and not being able to trust what he says.
Here is another situation that kinda follows that one, so you can see more of what I am dealing with. When we first stopped seeing each other he did start to see another girl and that hurt too. But it did not work out. He kept telling me how much me and her had in common and I was like, if you are looking for me, I am right here!
Anyways, fastforward to about a year ago when we started dating again. I came to visit him at his place, which is close to 300 miles away. I make the trip because I love to be with him and want to see him. Well, when I get here for my week vacation. The very first night he asked if I wanted to go hang with some friends of his. I was like, sure! I want to hang with his friends and interact with them. It is very important to me! There was this one girl there that kept saying things that sounded like I had heard them before. Thinking that he may have dated her, I waited until we left and came home. I asked him how long he had known her for. No answer. That whole week I was asking him, over and over. No answer. It was not until I was on my way back home that he finally confused that he had dated her. I was so upset that he did not tell me before we hung out with her. Because I wanted to be the one that made that choice of meeting her or not. Which would have been a not! Any ways because of the way he went about it, I felt like a huge fool! The only person in that room that had no idea what was going on. I told him he needed to write her a letter and to explain what happened and that he was no longer able to be friends with her. Am I asking to much? Am I wrong for wanting to be that way? Should he be allowed to have these ex's in his life or was I right for not wanting him to have a relationship with them? As for the 2nd girl, nothing ever happened between them, not even a kiss! But for the fact that he felt it better not to tell me is what hurts. Why must he feel like he cannot come clean with me before I am forced to do things I would not have done, if i was given the choice.
I basically feel robbed of making a choice in my life and he doesn't seem to get it. Because he is the one that keeps throwing it up in my face, at least that is the way I feel. I do not want to talk, see, or hear about these 2 women from his past. I want to move forward with my life with him. How can I get him to see how I feel and make it stick? I have already laid it out like this for him as well.
Any and all advice is welcome!
Thanks!