A little over a year and a half ago I took a transfer from my job and moved 1000 miles away to run a new office. When I came out here, since the office was just open, I was by myself (unfortunatly, I still am). The business was still slow, and was still being established out here. So when I came out here, I was completly alone. I lived alone and worked alone. I really had very little or no contact with any people in person, that I knew. It was difficult at first, but I slowly met 1 or 2 people. Mind you, my job is pretty much dominated by men. There are women in the industry, but not as much, and I don't deal with many women in person. Also, I work long hours, and am on call for my job, every minute I'm not in the office. Holding another job wouldn't be an option since I sometimes have to stop what Im doing and do domething for the company. So I met a few guys, and went out a few times. That was it, they got girlfriends, and I haven't heard from them since.

Then 6 months into me being out here, one of my close friends from back home decided to move out here. I was excited to have her out here with me, and figured since she worked with people, I could meet some that way and meet some in other ways. I am grateful to her, because with her being out here I was able to meet my boyfriend. However, three months into her being out here, she moved out and in with her new fiance. After she moved out, I felt betrayed that she up and left me for a guy, and that she left me to pay for all the utilities in a 2 bedroom townhouse by myself. (She still paid half the rent)....however, it may be selfish, but she wanted to come out here to change her life, I wanted her to come out here so I wouldn't be so alone. Ever since then, I have never looked at her the same way. We still talk, but I avoid her constantly, and we barely ever hang out.

On a different note, finding my boyfriend is the greatest thing to ever happen to me. We have been together almost a year and things have been wonderful for the most part. Except for me. It has still been really hard for me to be out here alone, and since I still have not found any friends, I depend on him for a lot. Sometimes when he wants to go out or be with his friends without me I feel hurt, and alone again. I try so hard to not let it bother me when he goes out, because I know that he needs his independance, and his time to himself. The problem now is, I spend so much time alone during the day, that I don't want to be alone when I don't have to be. And I act upset with him when he wants to be alone, even though I know he needs it, and normally would be ok with it. I think its the way he goes about what I feel is him avoiding me on the days he wants to stay alone. Which also makes me feel crazy, because this is not like me! And in every other way I'm a pretty good girlfriend. I don't call him throughout the day, because I don't want to bother him at work. And I'm ok with anything that he does, as long as he tells me (which he fights to the end to not do since that feels like he is checking in) before he does it (which I think is more respect than "checking in"). We go out on the weekends sometimes, but we never go out with couples, so I never have a girl to be around.

I have lately been very emotional (much more than normal), and reflect most of it onto him. There is a lot of stress from my job, and money, and missing my family and friends. Part of me wants to go out with my former roomate, but it's either impossible to get her away from her fiance, or I don't want to go because I still feel betrayed by her. I love my boyfriend very much, and he tries very hard to cope with it my multiple emotions, but now it's gotten to the point where I feel he tries to avoid it. (who wouldn't) It's almost as if when I'm down and express it, he rolls his eyes. I know it's frustrating to deal with a person like this, but I need to feel even more loved when I'm the hardest to love. Instead of being helpful and talking through things with me he basically just gives me a response that is similar to saying "get over it". I'll admit that currently I feel sorry for myself more than I ever have. I feel so alone and tend to cry myself to sleep when I spend the night alone. I don't want to move back home and think that giving up what I have with him is the biggest mistake of my life. But maybe it's my craziness, but I feel like he is pulling away from me a little. He's even expressed that I'm not as fun as I was when we first started dating.I don't know how to make this easier, and just want to get back to being myself. I need to find a way to be me again, and not so down all the time, or I'm afraid I will cause this relationship to be over. Please help!!!