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Boyfriend, Loyalties, and Disaster

Posted By Anonymous on Nov 24, 2012 at 9:34AM

First, I just want to say that I live in an area of New Jersey devastated by hurricane Sandy. My boyfriend lived on the barrier island. It has been a difficult time, but some of the problems that this disaster is highlighting are not new over the course of our 4 year relationship. He lived on the second floor of a condo that he did not own, and all his belongings ended up being fine. He has since moved into a house with a husband and wife also displaced from the island and rents a room. The people he is now living with are heavy drinkers, and he has begun mimicking their behavior and drinking daily. At this point, however - that's only a little bit of the problem.

My family has a second home on the water that we rent out which was completely destroyed. I have a 70 year old father who has had to work on the house alone, because my boyfriend feels that he needs to 'Help people of the island first, and it was my parents second home and is just not a priority.' Those words are pretty much verbatim. He actually, really told me that my family and I are not a priority. Yet he constantly says how much he wants to help those affected, and will not rest until 'everyone he knows is ok'. I guess he doesn't know my family or I. It hurts very badly to know that in the clutch, my boyfriend does not care to help my father or family or even me.

I have only spoken to one person about this - and she urged me not to make any rash decisions about our relationship until the disaster has past. However - I become more upset daily as his behavior continues and he does not make any effort to be with me or my family. His entire weekends are spent helping people he barely had contact with over the course of our relationship. I would have thought I meant more to him - but I apparently do not.

There is also another problem that is dwarfed in comparison - though yet another issue that has risen. Boyfriend's new place is across the street from the girlfriend of one of his friends. His friend is staying with her, because his house was also ruined. This guy's girlfriend texts, Facebooks, and touches my boyfriend in front of me. Boyfriend has taken to going over there when I am at work - and it bothers me beyond belief for a couple of reasons. In the first place - I don't trust the girl. In the second place - boyfriend goes over there and hangs out with her family and his friend, which feels like yet another stab at me, because my family is so low on his list.

My family has never done anything to boyfriend. They housed him happily for a full week after the storm, and have bought him whatever he needed and treated him very well.

I don't know what to do anymore.

Any advice?