Am I wrong here?

wow - you need to put your foot down and FAST. my bf's mom is just like this. she tried to tell me where to put furniture in my house, how to do things, when to do them! i couldn't stand it... anyway, i made myself understood very quickly and now we get along great. sometimes people just don't realize they're getting on your nerves... they probably think that they're being helpful... esp if you and your bf are young

This sounds like a really touchy issue and I think you need to have another talk with your boyfriend about it. He needs to know how uncomfortable you feel, and how it stresses you out. It's your home too now and you should be able to decorate it however you want and designate when guests will be coming over. Tell him how much you love his parents and appreciate their close relationship and support, but that you feel as adults you need to set some boundaries for his parents (who obviously still think of him as their little boy). Good luck in this situation, he will have to be very tactful with his parents to make sure their feelings are not hurt.

I don't think you are necessarily out of line but it does sound like your boyfriend has gotten a little spoiled with mommy and daddy coming over to help him out on a regular basis. Your boyfriend needs to step up and take some responsibility for this he is allowing it to happen and clearly is not saying anything about your feelings. It does sound like his Dad listened and called before he came over and your BF did not let him know when he should come by. I am not sure why you just didn't tell his dad anytime after Tuesday would be great if your concerned about your housekeeping.

I think its perfectly fine for you to feel this way. Maybe its time he cut the umbilical cord. The question you need to ask yourself is do you really want to put up with this or do you maybe need to change something within the relationship

I agree with Jess & Liza. Also, people who drop by get what the deserve...that's what my Mom always says. lol I think it's rude personally, people need to give you a heads up, you know?

I think he needs to grow up and all together this stinks of low committment. you are really just his live in girlfriend right now, why the freak aren't you engaged if you are living together and referring to his house as "our home". His parents are rude for dropping by, but since it's his house and their son if he hasn't put his foot down then why would they stop. Finally, living like a slob with piles of dishes and clothes is something you need to control - especially if you've got a house keeper. why aren't you engaged or married to this guy, sounds like you are applying rules to him as if you are?

have another talk with him, but make sure it's a healthy, productive conversation.
just make sure you don't put him on the defensive or "accidentally" slide some personal slams in there (hello, mama's boy?!?!)

Check this Dr. Phil article "How to Fight Fair" http://drphil.com/articles/article/20

I only bring up this point because YOU ARE RIGHT on this one and deserve to be heard in this discussion.

When it's me I always get too carried away by emotion DURING the discussion, so I try to plan my points ahead of time.

GOOD LUCK!

Thanks everyone--- This was my post. I wanted to put it in group therapy just because i felt like I would get the most opinions. To fill in any wholes in my story its not like we have daily maid service or anything , our housekeeper comes either once or twice a month, depending on need. The rest of the time I keep everything tidy. We will know a what week she is coming and then talk to her Monday to see which day. So we weren't sure on Sunday what day she was coming or we would have specified.
Jon's mom called Sunday and while on the phone asked Jon if he wanted his dad to bring his mail down. He responded sure I'll talk to him about it. This prompted my question about cleaning and when he was coming. You all read his response so can understand my frustration when I came home yesterday.
I spoke to him about it and he said that eh had no idea his dad was coming, he was sorry and would talk to him. So I am hoping that it makes a difference.
In response too getstinko-- I am not a slob nor do I live like one. Every one's house get messy from time to time. i have been working long days and was on eh go all weekend. i had run one load of laundry Sunday night and had a pile of the second loud that i didn't feel like waiting up to run, and was going to do yesterday. he owns an e business and does a lot of work from home... he had been working non stop all weekend and his papers were all over. And yes there were some dishes int he sink... The dishwasher was clean and hadn't been emptied.
We are in a happy place in our relationship right now and that is all that matters.
I really appreciate every one's feed back!!
TINA!

I think you all should have a family speak and clear the air....I bet you are suffocated hun are you?

Footy, I am not totally suffocated. The funny part about this is a I really like his family - they are great to me in a lot of ways. But they do push those boundaries-- then I feel a little suffocated!!! If this happens again I will def. Talk to them myself and see if we can clear the air.

TINA!

It's a control thing with his parents. He may having secretly complained to them about the diet coke thing.........I can't imagine a parent stocking the fridge with other things without being prompted. They remember the things their son liked and is showing you 'how to take care of their boy' the right way......or what 'they' perceive is right. Your boyfriend welcomed their interruptions by giving them a key. He is not being 100% honest with you. I'm sure he told them to come and go as they please....He knows his parents are controlling and he allowed it to continue once he moved out by giving them the keys! He is also telling YOU without saying it that 'his parents will always come first.' and you should get use to it, if you try and 'change' things, his parents will run you off............sad but true..

oh and if you are not a submissive type of person, like, for life........then you should move on..

He never drinks soda... honestly if he liekd a kind of drink of course I would get it at the store. Honestly thats how in our place they are. his Dad brought soda just for himeself. Jon hates soda it makes him sick. And to be fair eh gave them a key over a year before i moved in.

TINA!

I apologize about the cleanliness comment, it was unfair. It is very rude for them to come and go as they please and replace your soda. Your boyfriend needs to tell them to back off, this is really his job not yours. Your boyfriend should support you in your concern and be man enough to confront his parents about changing their behavior. I'd be concerned about handling this yourself because you don't want them to perceive you as rolling over your boyfriend - I think your boyfriend should be in agreement with you and take it up with his parents.

The parents shouldn't have a key to the house, period. And that your BF doesn't realize this means MORE problems down the road, that will NOT go away. Tell your BF to take back the key if he wants YOU to have one and live there too.

You are absolutely not being unreasonable!! I was brought up in Germany, where it is considered almost unforgivably rude for you to drop in on someone uninvited. And I can't understand why someone would.

At the end of the day, you have to talk to your boyfriend, although he won't find it easy to hear you saying negative things about his parents, but if you don't, they will never stop.

His parents are WAY overstepping their bounds. Tell your boyfriend that if he doesn't make it stop, you will find your own place.

**“In my mind, I’ve always been an A-list Hollywood superstar. Y’all just didn’t know yet.” -Will Smith **

You aren't unreasonable at all! I would be furious if I were you. Your boyfriend is being a wimp with his parents. I can see that it might be hard for him to take a strong stand against them if this is how their relationship has run his whole life, but that whole situation is just wrong.

But it's only going to get worse if it isn't addressed. And I agree that if he doesn't make it stop that you might have to leave, as lilxmissmolly suggested.

I think the big question is whether or not you expect to stick with this guy.

If you do, his family's part of the bargain. I speak from 23 (almost 24) years of experience. If you attempt to alienate his family, it's gonna drive a wedge between you, especially since it seems that he's okay with their behavior. Think of how hard you'd take someone "bad mouthing" your mom and dad.

The BEST BEST thing you can do is BE ASSERTIVE - remember the phrase, "I feel (fill in the blank) because you did (fill in the blank)." This is completely non-accusatory and lets folks know how you feel. Most decent people try not to hurt other's feelings. For example, the room you were painting - when starting a project, make it cheerfully clear that you're going to do something all by yourself and hope it turns out okay. When suggestions are offered, thank them sincerely and tell them that you've got a master plan and BOY you can't wait to show them. Have them wish you luck that it turns out as you hope, particularly because you're so excited about doing this project on your own. The trick to this is convicing them that you are capable of the task even without their input.

Concerning the messy house, don't panic or make this a big deal! These people raised your guy. They know how tidy - or untidy - he genuinely is. Call his mom and get all exasperated about how you were so embarassed about the house being a disaster - comically relate the housekeeper story - and get her ON YOUR SIDE! She cleaned up after him for years! You might even get her on your side by having her give you a "heads up" that hubby's coming by so you can tidy up first. Tell her your guy sorts the laundry in the living room and you don't want her hubby seeing your dirty undies. Or something like that...

There's a way to make these intrusions more palatable - but they're GOING to be a part of your life with this man. Can you cope? I'll bet you can - just try to see the stupid humor in it and be assertive with your needs with these folks. If that doesn't work and they still interfere in an unacceptable manner, maybe it's time to reconsider the relationship - or the state you live in! After all, having a set of parents care enough to be a part of your lives is really a gift. I know all too many people who have really screwed up families - they don't even speak or when they do it's ugly. Develop a sense of humor about these folks and try to develop some tactics to get them see things your way.

Good luck!