Yikes... difficult situation. This all doesnt sound very kosher to me. Why is the girl coming to visit him? Why is she sleeping on a mattress in his room? Why are they going clubbing? Is she bringing friends or is it just her and him? He's disrespecting you by bringing some other chick over and going drinking with her and frankly, I wouldnt trust him either... but... what can you do about it?

This is a very difficult situation because of your daughter but I'd be pretty pissed that he invited some other girl over to go partying with instead of letting you and his daughter come visit. I suggest having a frank and open discussion about what his intentions are over the year and DO NOT let him make you feel guilty for being suspicious, he is just trying to take the focus off of himself and put it back on you.

Good luck

The guy's cheating on you. Sorry. Get some counseling and move on.

Sorry to say so for OP's sake, but I agree with luisa. You aren't paranoid. He is being disrespectful and inappropriate. No reason she should be staying with him to go clubbing...especially when you were going to come over to visit at the same time. And she definitely doesn't need to be sleeping on a mattress next to his bed!! That's just crazy! I don't think she should be sleeping there at all, but why on Earth couldn't she sleep on the couch!?!? I'd bet money she's really sleeping with him in the same bed. You deserve better, you deserve respect. Move on like luisa said. And there are lots of people that are single parents, you can do it. Get the support of friends and family and you will be just fine. Good luck!

Thank you for your comments; i really appreciate them. A part of me almost wanted you to guys to think i was being paranoid and insanely jealous, but you're all thinking on the same wavelength as i. It's true Muimea, she shouldn't be there in the first place, but on a matress next to his bed?! I asked the exact same thing, why can't she sleep in the living room?! He was never like this before, I wouldn't have been in a long term relationship and had a child with him if i thought he had a bad character, but i think i need to realise that no one's perfect no matter how much you idealise them. And i 100% agree with what you're saying Fallin85, he made me feel guilty for even questioning the situation by saying that it's bad of me to not trust him, but of course i'd have to question it, i think anyone in my situation would! Latest news is that she is going but he has said that he'll txt me throughout the night to put my worries at ease. I wish i could fall asleep throughout the whole time she is there otherwise my mind is going to go crazy. I need to concentrate all my time and effort on making my daughter happy, but as long as this is hanging over me then i feel i won't even be able to do that right. I'll keep you posted! xxxxxxxxxx

Oh sweetie, he's more likely cheating on you. I'm so sorry for you and your beautiful daughter.
What he's doing is inappropriate and selfish. The only male friends I know who did similar stuffs to your bf does, were cheating on the wives/gfs. Believe it or not, putting things on you is the best way for them to deflect their infidelity. Honest and loyal people will not deflect things/putting the blame on you.

Sorry. What he needs to do is say 'NO' to this female friend. And if you're still 'together' with him, tell him to get an STI test to really put your mind at ease.

Please lean on friends and family during this time.

To be completely honest with you I don't see why a man who is supposedly commited to you is not staying close to you and does not care to see his baby for a whole year. Isn't he afraid of missing her first steps, first words, milestones in her life? I think a real man that was truly commited to you and your baby would not have left for a year without even bothering to come back to visit you occasionally. If he truly respected you and your feelings, he would not do something that would make you feel uncomfortable. His behaviour is inappropriate and texting you throughout the night is not going to make the situation any easier for you. The fact that he belittled you when you confronted him on it makes me even more certain that he has something to hide. I know that you don't want to be a single mom, but a real man who was 100% commited to you would be by your side every chance he could be and helping you to raise his daughter. You say that your daughter needs a happy mum. But I don't see how a guy who doesn't respect you will ever truly make you happy. He is only thinking of himself here, so it is time for you to do the same and prioritize your little girls happiness and your own. He is not making you happy or treating you well. There are plenty of men that would be so pleased to have the chance to be with a wonderful girl like yourself and love your daughter like she was his own. Don't settle for less, and don't waste time with someone who treats you bad when you could be truly happy. If you are going to go against all of the advice you get here and stay with him anyway, insist that he gets a complete STI testing (and shows you the results) before you sleep with him again and couples counselling before you proceed with the relationship. Good luck to you.

Texting wont stop anything, I can text while I am screwing someone too. He is doing something bad, I'm sorry.

Yea, I agree 100% Fallen, I can text too while having sex, and it's not like he's going to text you every single second. And quickies last less than 2 minutes sometime...:cough:
Sweetheart, he can say 'NO' to this girl. He can actually tell her that it's inappropriate for her to stay the night at his place. Or he can say 'NO' out of respect to you. I know it's hard since you just got your baby not too long ago, but seriously. You're better off without him rather than prolonging your misery knowing that he was unfaithful. UNLESS you think it's forgivable that he's unfaithful to you.

Listen to Janine22 too, she's very right. Most new dads who really love and care about his new family (mom and baby) usually are very proud and attentive to his young baby's life and will put him/her above his 'needs' to go clubbing and hanging out with friends (one female friend in this case). Good luck to you, CazzyD.

Sometimes when you are in a situation and love someone, you can be blind to the obvious.

You are not paranoid, everyone who wrote here is right. With men especially, never believe the words, always watch the actions. Everything he is doing is the exact opposite of what he is saying. He doesn't want to be a father, he wants to continue to act like a single guy and screw other people. Sorry that is harsh, but it pisses me off that he is doing this. I wonder if the girl he is seeing even knows he has a kid.

I know it will be hard, but walk away...I think you will be happier in the long run.

I agree with Fallen...txing means nothing..... How the hell would he feel if some dude was sleeping on a mattress in a room next to you...WTF?! Unfortunately I also think he is cheating on you. If your friend was ins the same situation...would you actually thing THEIR bf wasn't cheating on them?

I am sorry hun. Good luck, you and your baby deserve better...and there are better out there!

"What difference does it make to the dead, the orphans and the homeless, whether the mad destruction is wrought under the name of totalitarianism or the holy name of liberty or democracy?" Ghandi

Ugh...gawd...this made me wanna vomit...take everyone's advice...I'm going back to sleep. I don't see how any moron would think it's okay to have a member of the opposite sex just stay over with them alone, let alone in the same room. I doubt there's another damn mattress, they're more than likely in the same mattress. Gawd... *sigh*, Listen to your instincts on this one. It's a good rule for crap like this... humans these days.

"With men especially, never believe the words, always watch the actions. Everything he is doing is the exact opposite of what he is saying"

i totally agree with this. trust your instinct. in my previous relationship i just knew i was being lied to about something, not cheating thankfully! but even though my ex begged me to believe him, to my face with big puppy eyes, i just knew in my gut that he was lying... and i did at the time think i was just being paranoid because i was totally blinded by love and i felt bad for not trusting him, so therefore stupidly just went along with things ..... but now its over i can see clearly that he was lying to me.... plus he told me he had lied with confirmed it. Don't ever get down by thinking your being untrusting or paranoid... you have these feelings for a reason... your boyfriend is doing something to make you have these feelings.... you deserve someone who will love you fully and not disrepect your feelings by doing something that clearly hurts you and is innapropriate. Your boyfriend just having a close female relationship would be pushing it alreadt...but having this girl STAY at his??!! big no no. you need to decide what you want you're going to do, because this guy doesn't deserve you ...

*sigh*, it's not even about whether it's a man or a woman, or whatever, with people in general, the truth is within the actions. When it comes to verbalizing, everything is just lies. "Actions speak louder than words" may be a cliche, but it is very true. Been through this same exact crap, only, I'm a guy, she was the woman, point taken? People can't be trusted. I won't be letting my guard down for anyone ever again, why risk it. No one's worth it. Proceed with caution in life, no matter who close or loving or w/e, people will always disappoint at some period in time, be ready for it.

GScott86:
I am sorry to hear that you won't be letting your guard for anyone every again. I hope you know there are many women out there that will be faithful and deserve your trust. So I know you will find someone that is worth it again, you just need some time to heal. That being said, I think it is good to allow someone to prove to you through their actions that they deserve your trust before you give it to them fully. People will disappoint because no one is perfect, but I know that there are many women (and men) out there that will not cheat. In comments I have read from you, you sound like a very nice person.
I am sure you will find someone great when you feel ready.

GScott

Sorry to hear about that, doll. I think the wound is still fresh with you.

Believe it or not, SOME people deserve your trust because they'll remain faithful. My fiancee was cheated on three times before. He does have some 'issue' when it comes to that, but then after we've met, he sees that I'm not like his exes and we have similar temperament and standards. We get along great and very open with each other to the point we really trust each other.

You're a good guy and I'm sure you'll meet the right person in due time. Try not to get too discouraged, sweetie.

As for OP, Cazzyd, I hope you and your beautiful daughter are doing alright.