What an *sshole..Honey,tons of people will be in your life to help you with your child. Why should he be mad at you..It takes two... If he didn't want kids,then he should have been a little more careful..

"I know he loves me but . . ."

He doesn't love you, and he doesn't want children. He could not have made that any clearer. You broke his trust by not taking your pill as agreed. That is how you got pregnant, isn't it? So many women do this, it's really sad.

There's nothing you can do to change his mind or make him stay with you. In fact, you've probably created a life of resentment for your child. Your boyfriend will resent the both of you from now on. Come up with a plan to take care of yourself and the child, and hope for the best.

Luisa..she was not on birth cotrol.. He wanted her to take it while she was already pregnant..

You're not going to know how he really feels until you tell him..he might not even know how he really feels until he has to deal with it. Tell him now, don't keep putting it off. You could always go to therapy together to try to work out the feelings he has. Also, he might just be having that "I'm almost grown up but not quite" freak out that most of us have in our mid-twenties. I think it will work out for you. Just be totally honest, and listen to him and respect his feelings but don't let him disrespect you either!

Okay, since you're pregnant, it can't be undo. I'm just wondering if you guys have been having sex without protection and he just expects you to 'take care of the details (taking the pill, getting Mirena, etc)' OR you guys have been using either condoms or what-have-you and it still didn't work OR you 'forgot' to tell him you're off the pill because you want to have kids with him and you hope to change his pov about babies/children.

Either way, from his really strong insensitive reaction with the thought of having a child, NO, he's not going to warm up to the idea of having a kid when he's so hateful toward the idea. Will he change? Most likely not, because I have a male friend who was in the same position w/ your bf (and you), and what happened was he LEFT her and of course, he still gave support financially, but he decided to not be in the child's life. Ever.

Of course you can tell him that you're pregnant. How? By sitting him down and TELL HIM straightforwardly. Sure, it's ideal if he suddenly gets so happy and joyful, but most likely, he'll ask you to abort it. And he'll probably resent you for keeping the baby, but since it's your decision, then you'll have to just stand strong and be ready for the possibility of a life of a single mother. And just be strong because it is your decision. Rally your friends and family to help you out especially emotionally. And as a mother, I can definitely tell you, having a child is HARD. HARDER than what most people think and unless you're super ready emotionally and financially, don't even...And if you think having this kid will force/encourage him to marry you or be committed to you. NO way it can do so. Don't even think that as a possibility. Especially since he already tells you he doesn't want one.

By the way, just because his family is wealthy, it doesn't mean that they'll be paying the support, it's going to fall on your bf solely (he probably will have his wage garnished for child support) to support, and his family may not even approve. In the case of my friend, his family is also very wealthy, and they don't have any contact w/ his kid (and the kid's now at least almost 18). It Sucks, but it happens.

Well, anyhow. I hope you're okay though, if you're ready for a single motherhood, get ready for it, prepare yourself, be happy, rally your friend and family, get as much support as you can.

Good luck to you.

i feel bad for you, i think you should tell him and hope for the best,if he loves you as much as you says he does then he might not be that dissapointed about having a child.
and also, to the person above...navaeh1978... that's some great advice very honest despite how sad it is, i hope the writer takes it. I also think he knew she wasn't on birth control because he told her that she should go on it. so for that bit below i dont think it was the writers intention to get pregnant

"I'm just wondering if you guys have been having sex without protection and he just expects you to 'take care of the details (taking the pill, getting Mirena, etc)' OR you guys have been using either condoms or what-have-you and it still didn't work OR you 'forgot' to tell him you're off the pill because you want to have kids with him and you hope to change his pov about babies/children."

Okay sorry, I misread that. Thought you were on birth control. How far along are you? And what kind of birth control were you using? If none, then he can put on his big boy pants and get ready to be a dad.

I agree with the others though - be ready to be a single parent.

Thanks for anserwing, i found this site by accident and i didn't really know what it was so i made an account, but now i have this one.
I'm 5 weeks along and we usually use a condom but he had just come back from a trip to England and things just happened.... we have been living together for about 6 months now. I think i have enough saved up to provide for a child, because I haven't been spending much of my money since we moved in together because he wants to take care of it. I really do love him and i really think he loves me but...i'm starting to think i will be a single mother

If you're in US, and you're unemployed, you can apply for your state's health plan (free of charge for you because the cost of doctors and hospital for childbirth is really high). You can apply for child support too (I'm sure they have a form/application for it available for you).

If you have a health insurance, start going to a doc immediately, I hope you've done so to make sure everything is fine. Go to the dentist and in my experience, I had the worst abscess during my pregnancy because I wasn't careful with my teeth.

Then, tell him as soon as you can, if possible. And if he's so difficult and mean, MOVE BACK with your parents. They'll help out the best they can.

I'm glad you're happy about having this baby, always prepare for the worst, but also have hope. Good luck with motherhood.

I would take what he said literally, I would assume that you will be doing this without him. No one has the right to tell you what to do with your body (re: telling you that HAVE TO get an abortion), however he obviously doesn't want this. I am sad for you, but if he doesn't want a child, there is nothing you can do to change his mind. I would say invite him to participate, there is always the chance that he could change his mind once he sees the baby. But do you really want him cheating on you while you are pregnant and already feeling vulnerable and big? The stress of worrying about his bullsh*t will not be healthy for you or your fetus. He sounds immature and selfish to me, certainly not good personality traits for a father. Focus on yourself and your child, he doesn't deserve this blessing or you.

I agree with the others... you may well end up being a single mom and not getting any support (other than financial) from him. Lots of men are scared off by the idea of having kids and do eventually come around when they find out they are expecting, but your bf sounds really adamant about not wanting to have them.

Also, you mention that you have some money saved to provide for a child. Whatever you saved will not be enough. Kids are really expensive, and if you are going to be a single mom at 23, you will have a tough time keeping your head above water financially for quite some time.

Good luck

Good luck with your baby.

Just come right out and tell him. It sucks because you know he's going to be unhappy, but you have to come right out and say it and not hint around it. and if he puts blame on you for changing his life when he doesn't want kids, tell him if he didn't want them that bad you both you could have taken more precautions. Don't let him blame you for this when it takes 2 people to make a baby.

Does anyone else know? I think you should tell someone so you can share your concern, and then after you have told HIM, there will be someone for you to call and talk to. If he reacts badly, you'll need someone's support.

I feel bad for you because this situation doesn't have a very positive outcome -- besides you being a mother. I wouldn't expect him to change his opinion and all of a sudden want to be the worlds best father. He will tell you to get an abortion and he will most likely break up with you. If he doesn't break up with you he already warned you he is going to cheat on you and not be involved in the kids life. Do you feel like you should be with someone that is such a jackass? He really doesn't sound endearing at all.

Also, did you happen to get pregnant on purpose. I'm not accusing you but it sounds like you were really itching to be a mother. Hopefully that isn't the case but the timing is kind of odd.

Oh, the fact that he said he won't be there for you if you gain a little baby weight is sort of a warning that he might be emotionally abusive -- eek.

Do tell us how everything works out and congrats on becoming a future mommy

Why are you with this guy? Get yourself together and focus on becoming a mom.

Thanks for the advice

Thanks for the advice

Thanks for the advice

it wont post my comment properley

I didn't get pregnant on purpose,i actually have always been scared but i always wanted to be a mother eventually but i wanted it to be after i had established my career a little more (I just finished my degree) but it wasn't really something i thought about to often. I told him last night..he got really mad and and said he had to go out,He came back home after a few hours and said that i can keep the baby and apologised for what he said before (he swore at me and yelled for ages when i told him, he also accused me of having an affair while he was overseas). He gave me a choice though, if i kept the baby i would have to stay at home and take care of it so his career is still ok and if that happens he doesn't want to have anything to do with the hard parts of having the child(changing dipers etc)The other choice was to get an abortion and have things back to how they used to be, which was the choice he perferred. I asked him what happens to my career once i've had the baby and he said that it's my problem and he already told me having a kid would screw up my life. I don't know what to do, my best friend told me to leave him and that i could stay with her for a while, and his friend mark called me and asked what he had said to me because apparently when he left for all those hours he was with him asking for advice..mark said to bear with him for a while till he is more relaxed and he said that he is just really scared at the moment and thinks that he will be a bad dad like his dad was to him (his dad was abusive to him and his brother). MY life has never been this complicated before and thankyou so much again.

Wow, he took that in the worst way possible and made you feel like sh*t. You have complete responsibility over your life and are allowed to do whatever you want. You can work while pregnant, ditch his ass while pregnant and be an awesome single mom without some shmuck around. He yells at you for this? He acts like this kid is some puppy that is only your responsibility? it takes two to make a baby. So in my opinion you should move with a friend or parents and leave him. He wants to cheat and not have any part in taking care of the baby?

"He wants to cheat and not have any part in taking care of the baby?"
yeah basically but he might not cheat if i lose all the baby weight

Oh my God, your boyfriend is a complete jerk. He is telling you that you have two choices? Who is he to decide whether you have a career or not? And your comment that he might not cheat if you lose the baby weight? If he would even make a comment like that, he will cheat, whether you lose the weight or not. And my last outrage centers about the fact that your other choice is to have an abortion. That is an intensely personal decision, and it is YOUR decision to make, not his.

I think you need to remove him from the equation as you decide what to do. What do YOU want to do? Are you OK with being a single mom? Do you have family who can support you if that's what you choose? I have a strong sense that if you accept his first "option", you will end up being miserable, because he clearly as so little respect for you. (Not to mention the fact that he will likely be a terrible father to your baby.)

If you decide to stay with him, you need to image the worst possible outcome to this sitaution, and then brace yourself for it.

Given what he's said about your pregnancy (and he might cheat???) I really think you would be better off on your own than if you stayed with him. Yes, it will be harder to raise a child by yourself, but he has already said that he won't do the "hard" parts. Even if he does relax, like his friend says, I don't think I would be able to get over the hurtful things that he has said, and his complete lack of support for this hard time. It's like he blames you for being pregnant. Please don't let him get away with treating you like this.

Wow, he is a jerk. My advice is that you distance yourself from him for a while. Give him time for the idea of him becoming a father to sink in. After that if he continues to act like the *sshole he is now, then don't forgive him. It seems to me that his biggest objection with becoming a father is his fear of being as bad as his father. If that's the case then believe me, your child will be better off w/o him in his/her life. Also, if you decide to marry him, what are you going to gain as opposed to being a single mother?

* you wont have any freedom or liberty as he will be providing for you financially. Meaning you cant buy your own things or whatever the hell you want.

* staying together for the baby will just cause harm to the child. (I'm one of those kids that grew up with their parents constantly fighting but stayed together for me and my siblings, its horrible and its traumatized me for my entire life).

* if he tells you that he will cheat on you if you don't lose the weight, what does that tell you? HE DOESNT CARE ABOUT YOU!!!

*he wont do any of the "hard parts" of parenting, so why even bother to be with him if regardless you are going to have to do them.

*regardless of whether or not you 2 get married, he will still have to support the baby financially so why bother marrying him and suffer at his side?

* Also, it seems to me that your career is very important. I always thought that a career in a sense defines a person and makes them independent. Why would you sacrifice something that you worked sooo hard for because he wants you to stay home? There are child care centers for babies. SONT DO THAT TO YOURSELF PLEASE!!! putting your career on hold to have the baby is one thing but putting it on hold because your bf wants a f*cking trophy wife is RIDICUOLOUS!

Sorry if any of this sounds harsh, but that's life and you have a very important choice to make.

I wish you all the luck in the world!!

And please let us know what happens!

Also remember all the hurtful things hes told you.....when you love someone you don't say those things even in the worst of situations (which believe it or not this isn't).

What was it that Alicia Keys said in her song....

When it's real, its unconditional, I'm telling ya’ll
Cause a man just ain't a man if he ain’t man enough

To love you when you're right
Love you when you're wrong
Love you when you're weak
Love you when you're strong
Take you higher when the world got you feeling low
He's giving you his last, cause he’s thinking of you first
Giving comfort when he's thinking that you're hurt
That's what's done when you really love someone
I'm telling ya’ll, I'm telling ya’ll

"He wants to cheat and not have any part in taking care of the baby?"
yeah basically Sad but he might not cheat if i lose all the baby weight

Are you in denial? he will cheat on you regardless and he flat out told you. He is being abusive and you're sticking around. I don't think your future child would want to see her Mother put up with such abuse. I grew up with a single mother and know so many girls who have and it's better than being in a broken relationship. So if you want to be treated like crap, stay with him. If you want a better chance get the hell out of there soon. I applaud you for continuing with your education and saving up. The way you talk makes it sound like you're

A) NAIVE
B) REALLY DON'T MIND BEING TREATED LIKE CRAP

I guess I am a Little naive..
but he's at home with me now because he isn't working for the next few days and he agreed to come with me to the doctors today (everything is going good so far , so i'm happy about that). I wanted to stay with him for a little bit in case he does come around but now that i've read some of the new comments, especially lemassabille and Belle1031, i think i'm going to move in with my friend soon. Because i dont wanna be a trophy wife, and i want control over my finaces and i wanna go back to work once i've hadthe baby. To be honest I didn't see what he was doing as abuse for a long time...I still have trouble believing it but i know its true .

I'm glad that we could help you a little bit here. I have faith that everything will work out for you and sometimes it's better to be alone than unhappy and I'm sure you aren't happy when he tells you those things...It sucks to walk away from a relationship but sometimes it's for the better. I hope you have an awesome support system around you and having a baby is probably the most exciting thing you will ever experience (I can't wait to become a mommy) so congrats Just try to keep your head above water and not sink back into the things that held you down.

I think I added you on here, but if you have myspace you can add me
http://www.myspace.com/japaneselily

thanks.. lemassabielle, yeah i have u as a friend on here but i dont have myspace i have facebook and bebo though, do u have them?

You need to give this guy one choice: pay child support. Get out of there now. What an ass.

he getting a lttle better, when i went to the doctors he seemed to be more open to the idea that i'm not getting rid of the baby. I think he's seeing how happy I am

u shuld leave the idiot

I'm so glad you are keeping the baby and moving on. Its the best thing you could possibly do for YOURSELF and your CHILD. Remember that at this point he shouldn't matter if he cant accept the fact that he is going to be a father. He's not a real man worth trying with. If he does open up to the idea of becoming a father then congrats to you. Just don't move so fast, if that is the case. See how things go during the pregnancy and after the birth. As things progress you will know if he is worth marrying or not. Think about your happiness and your child's. I wish you all the luck and please feel free to contact me through facebook. My name is Tawana Rivera.

Keep me posted, Thanks!

"He might not cheat if I lose all the baby weight" WHAT!!!! Why are you even considering staying with this person? He is abusive, I know you are scared and want some support, but he is not going to be the person to give it to you. PLEASE do not allow him to tell you what your options are. You decide on your own. You can keep the baby and keep your career, I am really hoping you have a great support network of family and friends to help you. Do not move in with him and stay home with the baby while he works, and supports you ( but does not participate in taking care of his child?!). I don't know you, but based on all your comments I really think this would be a mistake. He wants control of you, and he is verbally abusive. Do not allow him to control you and cheat/abuse you. You are stronger than that, and you know in your heart that you deserve better. Any man that would say these things is not your prince charming, and never will 'get better' or change. I feel worried for you, you really need to focus on yourself and it is important to keep your stress levels to a minimum for the sake of your baby. Please consider what I said! Good luck to you and your baby.

Honestly no one can tell you what to expect. You seem to love him so you will probably end up trying to make things work with him, which is fine! It seems like he was just trying to scare you out of wanting to be pregnant. If you trust him, know him well and knows he loves you then i don't think he is going to cheat on you just cause you are pregnant. Guys can say and do stupid and dickish things.... we all know that!!
But you should give him time to fully let it sink in. Maybe even till the birth. I can almost guarantee as soon as he can see the ultra sound when the baby has human form then he will warm up alot. But try to remember that he is probably really scared and him being scared will come and go.
If you guys don't work out then don't panic! You have a degree and you should work while your pregnant unless you want to sit around and you can get child support. Besides, it sounds like you have the support of your friend if you need it.
I was a single mom for quite some time and i was fine! Things will work out just go with the flow and be the best mom you can be