I know this is anonymous but if you want to see a picture of him and I my screenname is Fallen85.
My boyfriend and I started seeing each other casually. He was seeing another girl at the same time and he decided to go forward with her. He and I stopped seeing each other but started talking again shortly after he started getting "serious" with her. We stayed friends and started falling for each other so he was trying to break up with the other girl. Problem was, all of his friends absolutely loved her. He wasnt fond of her because he doesnt drink very much but she would get black-out drunk every weekend and it was too much for him. He and I have tons of things in common, we get along very very well and the only things we argue about are whether we should take his car or mine.
Anyways, after about 2 months of dating the other girl she found out about me and flipped out, obviously. His friends were all really mad at him for breaking her heart and everything went bananas so he just stayed away from all of them for a couple weeks til everything cooled down. Meanwhile, they all figured that I was the one making him stay away (I absolutely wasnt) and found out that he and I were still seeing each other. Now they all think I'm a controlling, home wrecking psycho-path that stole their best buddy... I under stand why theyd think that but still. These were all Nick's choices. I didnt tell him to do anything, I simply stood by him and supported whatever decision he made.
Anyways, fast forward to now. He's met all of my friends and they are crazy about him. I've stayed far away from his friends but last weekend I finally met one of his friends accidentaly. It was his best friend's sister's husband and he decided that I wasn't good looking enough to be with Nick. He said "Dude, she's fat. You could do waaaay better. Get back together with your ex"
Now, all of his friends still hate me. I've only met the one, the others have scoped me out of his Facebook. They all are trying desperately to get him back togehter with his ex, she shows up at all of their partys and get togethers. His ex is now best friends with his best friend's sister. It's really messed up.
My boyfriend says "Remember, it's just us. Just you and I, not everyone else. Don't worry about my friends. I'm with you for a reason and I'd be stupid to go elsewhere" but even if he belives that now... can his friends change that?
My questions are:
Is there any such thing as being out of someone's league? I mean.. he is VERY good looking and I'm really just average but can his friends affect how attractive he finds me?
Can a guy be with a woman that his friends dont like?
Is there any way for me to get his friends to realize I'm not a bad person and that Nick is with me for a reason..?
I really dont want to lose him. He makes me so happy but I'm worried about our future... ladies, give me some advice!! Anyone been in this situation??
Diane von Furstenberg
Temperley London
Nicole Farhi
I'm always astounded at how people think they can tell other people who they should be with. It's such a personal thing! I wasn't ablet to find your page when I searched fallen85 on the search people function, but it doesn't matter. I'm not into the whole in or out of someone's league. Like people tend to find each other, and I'm sure you're as good looking as he is. And yes, people CAN stay together even if there are friends who don't like it. If the relationship works, very often those friends gradually get left behind because no one wants to hear it from them.
1First off, your boyfriend is hot!
This is a tricky situation. Friends ARE important, but it's his relationship with you that really matters. I would give it time. He obviously sees something special in you, and if he stays with you his friends will eventually get the message. After they've warmed up to the idea of you, then I would try meeting them, and just presenting yourself as best as you can.
Since he finds you attractive, I wouldn't worry about his friends changing that. You're very pretty, and honestly they're probably using that as just another way to "bash" you, since they don't like the idea of you (they've never met you, so it can't be YOU they dislike--just the idea of you, the girl who "broke up" the old couple, whether or not it's true).
Basically, I would just give it time. Once they warm up to the fact that he has a new girlfriend and that you're not going away, try to be yourself and I'm sure they'll learn to like you as much as he does.
2Eh, I also can't find any Fallen85 on People search so I don't know, not that it matters much though
It's HIS friends, and he's letting you take the brunt of their anger on him (truly). It's his decision that broke the other girl's heart, and he must have only told his friends that he's solely dating his ex therefore everyone thinks you just 'sneaked in' and snatched him. And since his decision was to first be serious with the other girl and introduced her to all his friends, so yeah, it's actually his fault that you're being in this situation. Mostly. The rest was his friend's overly judgmental, gossip-y, mean nature.
If he wants any chance of you to be accepted within his circle (assuming that he eventually wants to return to his circle of friends or has he returned to hanging out with his friends but without you?), he needs to STAND UP FOR YOU especially if they're being mean toward you. You'll see how much he really likes you when you see how he will act around his friends when you're around too, knowing that all of them blame you for whoever's break up. If they really respected/cared for your bf, then they'd try to make nice with you too, if not, then...well...
I think he knows they've been bashing you, because where have you gotten information/gossip about how his best friend's someone calling you names? And who are these people anyway? They seem very controlling and it's not their life, who are they to judge whatever is happening inside a relationship? They don't seem to be worth the trouble of trying to appease, imho. Plus, if they actually 'adored' the other one who's passed out drunk every other week..that quite says a lot about their personalities, they must be the 'party animals' who can't stand any other type of people dating anyone in their circle.
And you, dear, need to just chill, and forget their opinion of you. If you ever met them, always be cordial and show no drama, and just be yourself, that's the most important thing, don't ever cower just because someone/or a group of people seem to think the worst of you based on some gossip/misconception.
Good luck to you.
3You're missing the point here:
He cheated with you, he'll cheat on you. No matter what you look like.
4Honestly, friends matter specially if they're "good friends". But obviously HE's doing something wrong... if you really get along that well and if he really cares about you and wants to be with YOU he should be telling them to back off and maybe even introduce them to the girl HE likes. I mean, what would you do if it were the other way around? Honestly, he needs to do something about the friends. You obviously didn't do anything wrong but if you want this to work you need to make sure he won't lose his friends over you... because he's obviously going to doubt the relationship every time he talks to them. And stop being so insecure... I have no idea what you look like but you seriously need to stop feeling like the ugly girl with the hot guy.
5First off, what his friend said about you was just disgusting and hateful. I would personally go right up to him and tell him what a loser he is. If he has to resort to name calling to get his precious friends back together he is just a straight up LOSER. He's not the only loser though, all of your boyfriends friends seem to be a bunch of lowlifes who need to find something better to do with their time. I mean, don't they have their own relationships to worry about? It's hard when friends split up but holy-going-overboard. I don't know what I would do in this situation because if I really liked the guy I might just put up with it and consider the fact that he's with me and not her. It doesn't matter how gorgeous he is, just because he's gorgeous doesn't mean he could do better. It sounds like you're an awesome girl so think of it this way -- you could probably do better too.
6So after he chose the other chick, you still hadn't had enough? wow!
7I am 100lbs heavier then my boyfriend.. so i can understand your plight..
I sometimes look at my other half and go "wtf are you thinking"
I went through a similar situation too, where when we first got together his best friend would call me up and tell me i am too fat and ugly and not good enough to date someone like my other half..
Two years later we're living together and going to be getting married
It doesn't matter what his friends think or say, they have a loyalty to the other person and an agenda to go with it..
Does your boyfriend make you feel loved and cherished? If so f*ck the other people.. they're not friends..
And if yuo let this doubt sink in.. you'll just ruin the good thing you have
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