Yelling and flipping out doesn't solve anything. The only time flipping out and yelling solves problems is when you're two and you want your bumchanged but don't know how to properly verbalize this..

Use your words

Explain to him how you feel without raging about it. Be very specific "When you do this _____ I feel like this ____" What can we do to resolve this that's reasonable to both you, and me

Maybe cleaning up right after his friends leave isn't feasible for him, but maybe it IS feasible for him the morning after. And you just have to suck it up and wait.

"When you're out late and do not call me I am scared and worried that something may have happened to you" If you are out past ___pm/am can you please call or send me a txt message so I know that you are safe?

Maybe he feels he cannot win because you're not making compromises.. It's all about what you want and what you demand when and where.. And if you don't get what you want you blow a gasket and freak out on him.. If I was the dude I'd leave..But that's just me

I know exactly how you feel, I am in a slightly similar situation. I wonder why he thinks he can't win if he doesn't even make an effort, why doesn't he just start trying???? I don't think you are too sensitive right now, you have a right to have a boyfriend that puts as much effort into your relationship and living situation as you do. If you are not ok with something, you are not obligated to compromise!! Cleaning up a mess and calling when he's out super late is not a lot to ask at all!!!! It sounds like you have already tried talking to him about all this and he still hasn't put any effort into changing, so because of that I tend to think that explaining to him how you feel yet again, won't change a thing. If he is not changing, you just have to decide to either live with him how he is, or leave him for someone that can put as much effort into everything as you do. One other option that might work is taking a break, move out into your own place, or with friends/family etc., just somewhere not with him and tell him you want a break for a while. Maybe that will get it through his head that you seriously are not ok with where the relationship is going. Taking a break seems like it would either convince him you are serious and make him actually start to change and help out with things, or he will whine and be upset and try to convince you to stay but still not change anything. In the latter case, I would then decide to break up with him because if that doesn't convince him to change, I don't think he ever will, and if you can't live with how he is, you just can't, there is no shame in that. Sometimes people just want to both be how they are and they just don't work together. Good luck!!!

p.s. I would say, don't talk to him until you guys can be together and have time for a real discussion. Make a decision about what you want to do before you talk to him, so that you are not indecisive when y'all talk and end up making a decision you are not sure about. The conversation between y'all should just be to tell him how you are feeling, not to argue and yell, and then to tell him the decision you have made, and then to listen to his side if he wants to talk and then do what you have to do, whatever that may be.

You deserve every right to be angry. You're not his keeper or his mother, so it's completely immature of him to leave messes everywhere and taking you for granted.

And it's very immature when he's saying that he 'can't win' because it's not a game/a competition, you two are in a relationship where both of you need to work together instead of against each other.
Anyway, nagging or yelling at him will not work too. I read somewhere that when a woman yell/nag/get so angry at their significant others, they'd probably not going to change because as long as you keep doing things for him and stay around, you're the 'old faithful' or worse, MOM, who just nag nag but won't leave.

I'm not saying that you need to leave him too, but how about approaching things differently instead of resorting to the same old ways that don't work so far?
Another thing, have you ever tried to let things be (not clean up after him), and let him actually do it himself without nagging? I mean, sure, he may not IMMEDIATELY pick up his mess, but if he actually got it done (clean up after himself) a few hours later (than what you'd like--remember: compromise as long as he does equal share of work), he may actually not be taking you for granted, he's just being a little boy (sometimes). Give him a chance to make an effort and do things although it may not be as quickly as (or as well as) you'd like it done.

You may try being "quiet" too instead of yelling or nagging (as in stay away from him when you're so angry and ready to yell), because inaction/action is what makes a guy notice. Say things only "once" and if he doesn't do it, ignore it and talk to him calmly later, phrase things to be easy for him to understand rather than just 'freaking out.'Try to listen to his side of the story too from time to time as hard as it may be.

I'm sorry about your troubles, I hope that you'll be doing okay. Good luck to you.

Oh gosh..sounds like what I was going through 11 yrs ago - I married him and it's far worse than it was then. Do you want this relationship to work? If so, it's going to take alot of work and patience. You have to start showing him that you are not going to be his MOTHER. If he leaves a mess, pile it up in the corner for him to clean up when he's ready. When he hangs out late - try not to let it bother you - do your own thing. Act like your going out too (even if you're not). See, boys play games - lots of them, and you need to learn how to play them back. He seems to be very immature.

If you really can't take it anymore then get out. Find yourself a real man who wants to spend time with you and move forward in the relationship. Make yourself a list of what qualities you want in a man and stick to them. Yelling and screaming won't get you anywhere..he will actually turn that against you and say he's always out because he thinks you are a lunatic. I should probably take my own advice, but it's a bit late for that. Good luck with your decision and don't ever settle for less.