Me and my boyfriend have been together for about 2 years now. When we started going out, he said that he would never cheat on a girl. 4 months into our relationship he did cheat. He was at one of his friends house and they were playing spin the bottle, so he kissed 2 girls, he also lied to me twice to go out with a coworker, but supposedly nothing happened. I know these things because he told me himself. He said that he was sorry and that he would never do that again because he felt miserable. Supposedly I forgave him, but I can't stop thinking that just like he said that he would never cheat and still did it, he could go ahead and do it again even though he said he wouldn't. There is a difference though. I look into his eyes and things have changed ever since. That was more than a year ago and I can tell that he loves me, I can seriously tell just by the way he looks at me. He has also never given me a reason to believe that there is something going on. He goes to college and calls me whenever he has a break between classes, he calls me on his way to work and calls me when he gets out of work, all of this without me even asking him to do it. So, why am I so paranoid? I actually had a huge argument with him today because he watches porn like once every 3 or 4 months and I was even crying saying that if he got turned on by those girls, he would get turned on by some girl who wanted to get under his pants and that he would cheat on me. Even I know that I'm being ridiculous! I need help, I don't know how to calm my jealousy, but I have to because I'm pushing him away.
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I think you need to end things and mature a bit (not saying that in an offensive way). You don't judge love and a relationship by how many phone calls you get a day..
If you arent happy, and dont trust him, then don't be with him!
You are obviously young, you have your whole life ahead of you!
You deserve to be happy!
1I sort of agree with the girl above, you definitely sound like you need to grow up a little bit. However, how old is this guy playing spin the bottle? It kind of made me laugh because usually kids play that game. If you think about it we all know what that game is about so he went into it knowing he would end up making out with other girls. You have every right in the world to be upset about that.
Let's get down to the issue, you don't trust this guy. It's pretty obvious just by reading this post. You think he is going to cheat on you again and you don't trust him. You can't have a relationship where you don't trust your partner. It's normal to get a little insecure sometimes but full on not trusting him is unhealthy.
Do you really want to be with someone who broke your trust? even if it was four months into the relationship? do you believe he really won't do it again? if you don't think he will let your guard down and try to build trust again. If you don't think you can do it tell him you need a break.
2I went through something similiar with my ex. A few months into our relationship he took his ex home from bar. I found out the next day when I couldn't get ahold of him and had to call his best friend. Eventually I trusted him again, but it always bothered me that he did that. Things didn't workout between us and I always felt like he never liked me enough. Sucks to live a life feeling that way. So I guess my advice would be to do whatever you need to make yourself feel good.
3Hmmmm. Well it seems weird that a guy over the age of 8 would play spin the bottle when he has a girlfriend. However, that is the nature of the game. If you were present at the event, then you should have said something. If you were not, then he should of stepped back from the game and said “No thanks. I will just watch.”
As for the going out with a coworker thing, I can see how that can be innocent and seem bad. Honestly, I don’t think it is that big of a deal. Grabbing a bite to eat or getting a drink with a coworker is very common. Nothing to get jealous of.
It seems to me that you don’t trust him. Maybe this could be stemming from a previous relationship where you were cheated on. Who knows.
You said “Supposedly I forgave him.” Either you did or you didn’t. It sound like to me, you didn’t. You state “He has also never given me a reason to believe that there is something going on.” So why are you burning yourself over this for almost a year now??? That is not what I call healthy. If you think he is going to cheat, just break up with him. Don’t play this back and forth thing. Why stay with someone you can’t trust. It is simple as that. It sounds like you need to figure out your trust issues before you can continue this relationship.
4I think that this should be titled "HE's pushing YOU away"
5You don't deserve to be cheated on, and as pessimistic as it sounds, once a cheater, always a cheater.
You deserve to be with someone who puts you on a pedestal (figuratively speaking) and would never consider hurting you, especially by doing something so utterly STUPID as playing spin the bottle! He sounds like a doofus and you deserve better than that!
True, he made some bad decisions, but so did you. You have to take some of the responsibility as well. I agree with the above: if you don't trust him, which you obviously don't, then move on. And get some self-respect and gain some maturity. You need more experience and you're just too young to judge this.
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