I apologize this is long but I really need some input.
My fiance and I are 22 and 26 first off. We have been together for 2.5 years. Engaged for 9 months and are getting married in 9 days. My fiance and I haven't had a totally perfect relationship, which none of them are. We have our little arguments every once in a while, but its all been minor stuff that was over the same day. Mostly stupid crap honestly. However for the last two days it seems like the things I do he is getting mad over. Hes never acted like this before and nit picked what has been going on. Ill give the scenario and tell me if I am just being stubborn or if I really didn't do anything wrong and hes just over reacting possibly from stress.
1st Scenario:
We have been trying to find a house to buy. We have been looking and found one we really liked but found out last week someone else got the house before us. So we decided that we would just pick up were we left off after our honeymoon because the wedding was coming up so quickly. We didn't really have time to both be together to go look at houses again all day with our realtor because of our different work schedules. So I talked to the realtor on Monday to confirm we didn't get the house we wanted because there was a chance the other people wouldnt have their paperwork submitted on time. Later that day my Mom ended up running into the realtor and the realtor told my Mom to have me call her because she has a really nice house that she thinks we would like and its going on the market the next day. I was at work that evening so I called her the next afternoon after I got out of class which was during the time my fiance is on lunch. So she tells me about the house and says its like the other one we really liked in our price range, clean, cute, and ready to move into. She said she can show me the house today if I can come to the office. So I try to call my fiance on his cell since its during lunch to tell him about it and see what he thinks. Mind you I did tell him what my mom had said about the realtor telling me to call her. So I decided to go ahead and go look at it because I didn't want to find out it was another perfect house only to get the disappointment on being too late in choosing it. I thought no big deal only going to look at a house. He tried to get me to go look at the first batch of the houses by myself in the first place to knock out the ones that were definite no's so he only went to the one's that were prospects. So i called his cell before I headed to her office no answer and no call back within the 20 minutes it takes me to get to the office or during the 30-40 minutes I spent with the realtor. I called him when I left to tell him about it and he seems fine. Later that day he tells me hes mad at me because we agreed on waiting and I broke the agreement. I simply went and looked at the house. Not like I put a bid in on it or signed a contract without his knowledge. I didn't even like the house. My thinking was an opportunity was presenting itself so I should have jump on it.
Second Scenario:
The next day I had to go to the restaurant we are having our wedding and reception at and give her our menu we had chose for the meal and to check on a few other little things. While I was giving her our decisions on the menu she tells me there was a misprint and that we got have 5 vegetables instead of 3 so I need to pick 2 more. So I picked 2 more that I thought would be good with what we were having and would give a variety. So when he gets off work I am talking to him and telling him about what had happened and that we got two more sides and what I chose. So he wants to know why I didn't pick up the phone and call him AT WORK to find out what his opinion was. Mind you he has not been involved in the planning process at all by his choice. He went over the menu with me the first time and helped decide what to choose and thats been the extent. I can barely get him to listen to the things I have done much less get his opinion. So hes mad that I didnt pick up the phone and call him for his input on two side orders and he honestly thinks this is a big deal.
So he says thats two MAJOR decisions that I have made without talking to him first. I honestly think hes over reacting. It would have been a major decision had I signed a contract or put a bid in on the house. It would have been a different story if I would have changed the entire menu we had planned. I dont see these things as being MAJOR decisions that he should be getting mad at me about. I feel like he is trying to micromanage me. I am an independent person and always have been and I dont feel the need to call him and ask for permission to do the things I do on a daily basis. I have told him we need to sit down and discuss this stuff over the weekend because apparently we have totally different perspectives on what a major and minor decision is. Im not a child Im an adult and I can make decisions on my own. If it is something major of course I would involve him. Please let me know what you think. Thanks for all your help.
Henrik Vibskov
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Charles Anastase
maybe he really does think that it's a major thing. you know, i think sometimes, we women are so wrapped up and we always think that weddings are for us to deal with mostly because it's stereotypical of guys to not be interested. be glad his is. i remember my boy saying, "but it would be my day too..." and it was really cute. take him with you figure things out. you two have to work as a team. good luck and congrats on the wedding!
1I think you two are both stressed out. I do think he's overreacting but I wouldn't worry too much about it. I'd just focus on the week ahead!
2sit down and talk things over and be easy on yourselves. You are under a lot of pressure right now.
3I think he is overreacting. Its weird that he didn't help you at all in the beginning and now he is going to get mad that you don't ask him??? Thats pretty unfair to you. Why would he expect you to suddenly start asking him things when before he wanted you to do it yourself?? Maybe he just suddenly realized that he actually did want more of a say in things and so now he is stressing out about it. He is probably stressing out about everything else too though. Its good that you told him that you want to sit down and have a discussion about it, that is the best way to figure out what is going on, as long as both of you are honest and really talk about your feelings and listen to each other. Maybe he feels very out of control all of a sudden because the wedding is so close and he is taking it out on you by wanting to know exactly what is going on all the time and wanting to help with it. He is being pretty rude and mean, but it probably is just the stress. Just make sure he knows that you can't live like that after the stress is gone, make sure it really is just because of the stress. You don't want him to try and keep acting like this towards you after the wedding. Good luck!!!
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