I have been seeing this man for a little over a month. He is significantly older than me (13 years) and pretty busy. We talked last Saturday and Sunday and both said we wanted to take things slow due to failed past relationships (jumping into them too quickly; he was engaged). That's perfectly fine with me, but the problem is that we never talk. We Facebook message each other, but it's extremely brief 2 word phrases. When the weekend hits, we might see each other one day. When we do see each other, he acts like he really enjoys my company until I say something nice (he runs a gallery, so I told him if he ever needs help getting a show set up, to let me know) in which he kind of buries his head. He also won't respond if I send him a compliment via one of our Facebook messages. He does lets me keep some toiletries at his house if I ever spend the night (which is rare; we don't have sex either). I really like this guy and want to get to know him, but it seems impossible and I feel like I'm just getting strung along. Should I talk to him and tell him what I expect with "taking it slow" or something? Or does it seem he really isn't into me at all? Would he really string me along if we didn't want to get hurt anymore?
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In the early stages of dating, it's hard to know exactly where you stand. Sometimes only time can answer that question.
However, if the way things are progessing doesn't sit well with you, you have three options:
1) Accept things for how they are and don't worry about it or try to change them. It is what it is.
2) Tell him that you want to talk to him more often and that you want to see him at least once a week (or whatever it is that you want).
3) Let him go.
From the sound of it, he's not super interested. #2 would force the issue and you'll probably get your answer sooner rather than later.
1He could be looking for a girlfriend when he has time for one and would rather do his own thing the rest of the time, this makes a lot of sense if he's been alone for a long time. He could just be used to it.
2You don't mention how old you are, but 13 years can be a substantial impact on the relationship, depending on how where that 13 year span falls (for example, huge maturity difference between 20 and 33; not so huge maturity difference between 40 and 53).
What stood out to me is his inability to acknowledge a compliment, or even an offer of help (burying his head in his hands?). Does he exhibit any other type of weird social behavior...inappropriate eye contact (too much or too little); trouble understanding humor; obsessing about one of two subjects; does he stand too close to you; is he clumsy?
I'm also kind of curious about what you might keep at his house if you're not having sex (and has he rebuffed your attempt to initiate sex, or hasn't the subject come up yet?). Have you actually slept at his house without having sex? If so, what's up with that? Personally, I don't think it's a bad thing to wait to have sex, but I don't get the concept of a platonic sleepover with someone you're dating.
I can't offer any great insights due to the lack of info...but a few possibilities come to mind: he's gay and fronting with you (I know you said he was engaged, but that doesn't mean much); he could have some type of social disability (like Asperger's); he may just not be that into you; or he may just be, well...odd.
3I'd say you should probably start seeing other people since you're not exclusive with him. If you're out on a date when he calls, maybe he'll get the hint that you're not going to wait around for him to sweep you off your feet and either woo you, or let you go.
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