Ok, so when my last relationship ended six years ago, he didn't just leave me, he left town that night and I didn't hear from him ever again. After that I swore I wasn't going to get emotionally or sexually involved with anyone until I found the guy/girl I wanted to be with forever. Then two years later I got raped by someone I'd known and trusted for years; kinda messed up my goals. That's my back-story. His goes along the lines of only having had a few gfs in his life, the last one being a relationship that lasted five years. They had designed and purchased a house together and then they broke up. Now he has been living single in this house for a little over a year. He got tired of being so alone.I'd been on a dating hiatus until I met him on a social network site. We talked and flirted online for a month or so until we decided to meet up for a date. That very night we both knew we were crazy for each other, and from kiss to cuddles it was an amazing night, and we had sex a few weeks later. Obviously that was a HUGE step for me, and I count myself lucky I didn't have dyspareunia. He is the first person I have had consentual sex with and he made me feel safe and amazing.About two months into our routine of meeting every weekend, going on wonderful trips or staying in together plus talking online at least 4 hours every day, I started to feel uneasy. Not that facebook status means much to me, but his is still set to single. He plans out his weekends so that I never crossed paths with his family or friends, and he's always unable to go out with me and my friends. I eventually had to ask exactly what "we were". His response to the question was that he didn't know what we were, maybe just really good friends for now and that he was scared to be more.Having been there, I definately understood, but it's been a couple months since I asked him and I feel so weird that none of my friends have met him, and none of his know of me. But he talks about his family, friends, and ex quite casually. We share intimate secrets and quite often a bed, but I feel like we're in a rut where more and more I'm craving some kind of commitment from him, but why would he do that when he gets this secret string-free "relationship" he can back out of whenever? Then he hit me with the bomb. He might be moving across the country for a job promotion, within the next year. I was near tears, but tried to be happy for him. We're only half a year into our "relationship" (maybe I'll just say of being intimate), so I'm in no position to beg him not to leave me for his career, and I'm not going anywhere until I finish my second degree. I tried to put rationalism over my emotions and told him that though I would miss him terribly if he went, who knows where we'll be at by then and he shouldn't make any decisions based on me so early on in the "intimacy" (arg). It was so easy for me to reassure him with that but seriously, I don't even know where we're at now!When I'm so hidden away I can't help but wonder why. Is he keeping himself available for other girls? Am I just Ms. Right-now? I feel like an idiot now that my foot is in the door and we're intimate weekly, but I hate the feeling that he could leave me at any time. So I told him how much I cared for him, and how much it scared me - because it means he could hurt me. He said he cares for me a lot too, but that he just feels numb. He doesn't know if he'll ever be the person he was. He feels he doesn't care about anything anymore (contradiction :S). I felt so terribly for him that I just left the conversation at that, trying to reassure him that he is a great person to me and that he will get through this.But now I've got my own swarm of confusing emotions to deal with, and something has to give. I'm sure there are other, better options, but the only few I've come up with are: 1 - Stop seeing him (it'll hurt like breaking up with someone would) 2 - Stop having sex with him (friends only policy; he might lose interest, but then I'd learn smtg about him pretty fast) 3 - Grin and bare it until he either stops seeing me and/or moves away 4 - Give him a verbal ultimatum (#1 or #2 unless he's willing to make a commitment)I understand he has been through a tough ordeal, but I feel like we're headed for disaster if something isn't properly established between us. What more can I say? I'm crazy for him and it's driving me crazy 
Relationships scare the crap out of me, big problem is my crush is in the same boat!
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Oh sweetheart.
As hard as it is to walk away... it is what you must and will eventually do. He is giving you the bare minimum and you deserve more than that; especially after everything you have been through.
You seem to have thought out every scenario including the one you are in right now and it comes down to sex. I know it will be a difficult thing to do but you should stop sleeping with him.
We are emotionally attached to sex and it is so draining on our souls when that connection is tainted with ambiguity. You should feel loved, period. You should not be left wondering what you might mean to him.
Keep searching for the one who will make you feel like his one and only and vice versa. I promise you will find him if you stop putting up with things like this.
1Let this be a lesson to you... don't just let relationships "happen". You need to seek out what you want and need in a relationship. This is what happens when you give a guy what he needs who isn't interested particularly in giving you what you need. And you played into it by saying that relationships scared both of you... everyone is a little intimidated by commitment, but that statement there says 'I just want to mess around', which you know isn't true. Unfortunately, you are going to need to break this one off, buck up and figure out exactly what you want, then get it. You know now that you're not good at no-strings-attached sex, so don't pretend. And I can never say this enough... do not speak for him. You don't know what he feels. People DO what they want and SAY what they know you want to hear. He might say he feels bad about something or that he eventually wants a relationship, but when he's making no moves to make you his girlfriend, he's telling you with those actions that he's just not interested in having that sort of relationship with you.
2Oh hon, sorry. He doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. His action says it, in fact, his action screams it.
You are his ms 'right now,' someone to warm the sheet until he meets Ms Right. In fact, he's hiding you, which definitely screams that yes, you're dispensable. He knows that you're attached to him emotionally yet he's securing himself to just untangle any relation from you. You're like this 'bad secret' he has, and I don't see why you should stay around for another round of that.
Ita with notinthemood, don't lie to yourself. You're not cut out for this relationship because you need and want more (and totally deserve it, by the way). And yes, people do want they want and they say what they think you want to hear.
If I were you, I'd cut it with him. No sleeping together. Even as far as not speaking to him until you're over him. You've already asked him before how he feels and wants from your 'arrangement' and he's given you his answer, why bother with another so-called ultimatum? Ultimatums usually don't work, esp. in this case, when the guy obviously wants a f*ck buddy out of you.
Good luck though.
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