hi every one i've been going through drama for almost 4years and now i'm just tired of it. i'm trying to focus in school and i'm only 23 i just dont need him in my life anymore. we broke up so many times and got back together, he cheated, abused me in every way, then stalked me. the first time he puts he hands on me i almost lost an eye i called the cops, he went to jail and everything. i got an order of protection thinking it was over and he would stay away, but he didnt .he doesnt seem to care abt anything.he told me 'i love u to death' then he started threatening me so i played nice bcause i was scared in a way , and he gave me the line '' oh baby i swear i'll never put my hands on u again", and the next time that he did we fought each other, but i dont want to have to fight my man. he's supose to protect me.i know he loves me but he also have a problem. its like blackmailing me, either u stay with me or i'll do u damage. one time he cheated again i made up my mind,.to me it was over and i told him its over and i stopped answering he's calls and texts, i started dating. my date took me to olive garden we didnt even get our table yet and there he was, he was stalkin me and followed us. that night ended with a broking windshield and blood.cops came everything, no one filled charges ,he broke the guy window bcause he lost the fight and the guy almost ripe his hear out.i was happy thinkin maybe this guy can save me, he'll beat him up everytime, but he ended it, he didnt want that type of drama in his life.i really wants it to be over i cant go trough this anymore,i called the cops so many times i think my house is on record, he went to jail for this abt 4 times and he just bail himself out.and its not like he only wants to be with me he have been having sex with a girl on the side for 3yrs.me n her talked, his been lying to both of us,he's never going to change and i hate him. i cant even sleep i feel like he gonna sneek in my window i think he broke the lock in my window. if im not aswering his calls , he shows up at my house wait until he sees my car then get in my face and i have to admit i do get scared . then he just keep texting me acusing me of cheating n i told him its over .i said it so many times and took him back, and now maybe its hard for him to believe.i just had a weak spot for him, but now i have hatred in my heart for all the things he did to me and i WANT IT TO BE OVER PLEASE HELP ME , i just dont know who to turn to. my mom tells me to leave him alone n when i do cut him off completely , tires get slashed, windows breaks in cars and in my room window one time. i'm starting to feel like this man can maybe kill me, please give me some advice, i've tried almost everything, i'm not gonna torture myself and stay with him to make him happy that's the only time he's calm. hope to get some great advise.
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Sweet girl, you need to disappear. I'm not kidding, I'm not exaggerating. I strongly recommend that you interrupt your life right now in order to get away from this man.
Contact your college (or whatever school you're in) and tell them what's going on. See what they can do to help you. I'm sure at the very least they can arrange for you to drop your classes without having a negative impact on your academic record.
If your parents' home is safe (in another state, preferably)can go to your parents' home? If your parents aren't an option, is there a friend or relative (preferably in another state) that you can go to stay with? You need an escape plan, and you need to execute it immediately.
Also, stalking is a felony in most states. You need to go to the police IMMEDIATELY and tell them everything you've told us. However, you need to plan the actions they are going to take with your exit. They absolutely cannot pick him up on felony stalking charges, then let him make bail while you're still around. If the police don't seem interested in taking immediate action (sometimes you get the wrong police officer on the wrong day), contact your district attorney. Let whichever authority you talk to know that no action can be taken without your knowledge - if they're going to pick him, they need to hold him without bail until you're gone.
Then pack up your things and leave. Don't leave a forwarding address. Don't tell anyone he might be able to get to, intimidate, or contact where you're going. It's best not to let ANYONE but your parents know where you're going.
You're right, hon - this man is dangerous. If you don't get away from him immediately, he may kill you. The biggest mistake women in your position make is in underestimating the threat at hand. They believe that there is some element of love (even incredibly twisted love) involved. It's not about love, or even lust - it's about power and control. He almost cost you an eye, kiddo...he's slashed your tires, broken windows - he's a violent, rage-filled person who lacks impulse control. Don't wait around to see how far he's willing to go - I'm terribly worried you won't survive. Best of luck, and get going - NOW.
1Call the police. Try to get into protection programs. If all else fails, MOVE far, far away, change every method of contact possible, and forget about him. He'll eventually leave you alone... at least, when he can't find you, he will.
2I agree. Call the police right now. Get a restraining order, whatever you can. Do you live on campus? Is your ex a student too? Universities will often approach other students if they are creating a problem (stalking) and tell them to stay away or notify security guards that a non-university person should be watched/not allowed on campus.
Also, if you really do not feel safe you should absolutely get out of town for a bit. Talk to your school as advised previously just to let them know what is going on.
3Ohmygoodness. Honey is right, you need to get out of town most likely to cut off the stalking.
4Your ex sounds like he can do more damage, and I don't want to scare you, he may even go as far as hurting/killing you.
Have you gotten another restraining order against him? If he's a student, you can report these incidents to the university. Always record everything that's going on. Always let everyone knows what's happening, where you are, etc.
You probably have to transfer school and don't leave any forwarding address and only your parents know where you are and for them to not let other people in town where you are.
If you have out of town/state family, perhaps it's time to reconnect and ask them if you can stay over there and find a school to transfer to.
I hope you really take care and be safe.
Ignore everything he does. When you react you are only fueling him. Change all your contact info, email cell home phone. My cell carrier allowed me to use an alias to avoid my ex acquiring my new cell number as he knew all my personal info. There are ways to out smart them. Alert the credit bureaus. If he has you SS# he can go to great lengths to ruin your credit.
5The most important thing is to not show any fear, ignore everything. If you react it will only egg him on. Let everyone you know what is happening. Also inform the police. If you can seek shelter as far away as you can.
Be safe and aware at all times. He will sadly move his attentions onto another woman soon. What crazy stalker types crave is weakness. Be strong and stay safe. I have been through everything you wrote about and as of today it has been almost a year since he has contacted me because I stopped giving him a reaction and slowly and steadily moved on in my life.
I'm not saying be blind. I'm saying be alert be safe and do not give this man the reaction he is craving.
Feel free to contact me privately as well. I know how you feel and I have been through it. Good luck and best wishes to you.
I agree with the other ladies. You need to go to the police again and tell them everything, including the fact that he damaged your property after you ended contact and that you truly believe he could kill you. I hope that you have recorded all of the dates in which these incidents have happened. If it helps, bring your parents in as well to talk to the police. You need to get another restraining order against him. In the meantime, like IMMEDIATELY get the lock on your bedroom window repaired or have them install a stronger lock. I would recommend as well that you go into hiding. Get a private phone number, make sure your address is not in the phone book and preferably move far enough away so that he will not be able to find you. If you are on any websites such as facebook make sure to block him and have all of your friends and contacts do the same or just cancel your account. Let any mutual friends know what he has done to you in the past and the fact that you are scared for your life. Let them know that you are going into hiding out of necessity and that they should not at ANY time give him any information about you or your whereabouts (or better yet, as someone else suggested do not tell anyone except your family where you are moving to). If you are currently working, let your employer know what is happening and that he is dangerous and to make sure that no information is given to anyone about where you are. Let school officials know as well and if you are not changing schools, then make sure that you have campus security on speed dial on your phone. I am not sure of the laws in the U.S, but Is it possible for you to get some mace or bear spray and carry with you in your purse? I know here in Canada that if you want to buy bear spray, you have to tell them that you are going into the wilderness and are using it for that reason. You cannot tell them that you have any intent on using it on a person or they will not sell it to you. Do everything possible to ensure your personal safety. I also think that you are likely suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and it would be a good idea to seek counseling to help you deal with all of this. Good luck and be safe in everything that you do. It is worth it to move if it will save your life. If possible, please update on us on group therapy so that we can know how things are going and if you are safe. Good luck.
6Buy yourself a one way ticket to the Caribbean. Sounds like you could use a fresh start, and get away from all the stupid drama. It would be the first smart thing you've done in four years. Just leave to a place where only your mother knows. Don't wind up a statistic in the back of your newspaper somewhere.
7HI, EVERY ONE THANKS FOR THE ADVISE
thank u 4 all ur advise, i really appreciate it,i'm actually thinking about going to haiti for a month thats where im from. the semester starts in january for school so i can only stay for a month or maybe stay at a friend. {u know as i'm writting this he's calling my phone nonstop} what i'm worryin abt is when i do come back home he'll probably break or take things out of my room. he knows almost everyone schedule and my room is downstairs u can barely hears when i play loud music. but u know what, better the material things than me. and i just don't think a month will be enough for him to move on, what do u think?
8THIS IS FOR JANINE22, I THINK u right i did suffer from PTSD, i USE TO DRINK A LOT AND EAT EVERYTHING,BECAUSE I WAS SO DEPRESSED AND I GAIN ABT 15POUNDS.BUT DONT WORRY I'VE LEARN SOMEHOW NOT TO LET IT OR HIM GET TO ME THAT WAY. I'VE JOIN THE GYM AND NOW I'M WORKIN MORE OFTEN SO I WON'T LET THINGS GET TO ME. I'M JUST WORRYIN MORE ABOUT MY SAFETY WITH HIM NOW. I'M EMOTIONALLY OK THANKS
9OP, do you live in the same dorm with this guy? Or in the same apartment building? If that's the case, then I seriously doubt you disappearing for a month will do anything more than escalate the situation. I really urge you to talk to your school and the authorities for guidance on how to deal with this man. Based on the circumstances you described, and the advice you've gotten, I'm concerned that you're taking the threat this man poses to you too lightly.
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