I am married to a terrific man. And I love and care for him deeply..and simply cannot imagine myself with anyone else, nor do I want to.
The problem is our sex life, or the lack of it.
We dated long distance and then moved near each other and continued dating for another year prior to marriage, all the while our sex life was abundant and good.
We moved in together a few months prior to tying the knot as we bought a home and were trying to simplify expenses. As soon as our households became one the sex life was gone.
We have talked immensely over this throughout the years. His simple reply is he is lazy and too tired. Mind you, the man works nearly 60 hours a week at a strenuous job and always has a home upgrade/remodel project going on for his time off.
We have been to the doctors. Ran the tests. Sought out a couple of therapists. Delved deeply into his and my feelings. No to an affair, no to an alternative lifestyle. He is sexually attracted to me.
He is interested in sex. And if hounded he will *put out*. But if not hounded we go for over a year without any sexual relations.
He is a very kind and loving man. And ultimately I have a perfect marriage if I didn't take into account our sexual relations.
He puts me on a pedastal, caters to my every whim, and puts me before himself. I might add I recipricate on this also!!! We absolutely adore each other. There is hugging and kissing, and not a single day goes by without any of that good stuff!!!
Do I just give up on having a sex life and go out and purchase some sexual aids? Or do I constantly hound him til he *puts out* after eight to ten months of nagging? I am at such a loss.
He always says that the sex is good. And we always make it interesting too. It just comes back to what he says, he is lazy. I have told him, what he thinks as lazy to me is selfish as he has put my needs on the back shelf and they have cobwebs!
And when we do have sex... he gets upset stating I dont know why we dont do it more often.
It's so puzzling to me.
Anyone else in this type of situation?
Any advice?
Please!
Miss Sixty
Church
Aminaka Wilmont
Give him some sex muffins and see what happens- the recipe is on my blog. Maybe it will kick start his sex drive.
I think yall need a weekend away for one- away from the job and the projects.
Maybe it wouldnt hurt to go get a vibrator or something- if he sees you having a good time maybe he will want to join in. Does it take a lot to get you off? Is that frustrating him?
He probably just has a low sex drive and the the job and everything makes it nonexistent. You need to find out exactly what makes him crazy- if its watching porn while yall are together or coming home to see you doing chores naked or whatever it is- figure it out. It might be something that he is afraid to tell you bc he thinks you might think its weird. But being married you have to share all that kind of stuff.
1OMIGOD - Check out the www.ivillage.com they have an awesome love and sex section that will definetely help you spice up the bedroom life and get him right back into it.
2I guess you have to decide how important this is to you. If everything else outweighs the lack of sex then I think you should stick with it.
I also think buying toys and seeing how that goes would be good too.
3Definitely force him to take some time off with you on a vacation...
Either way, it will be good for you guys.
And like popgoestheworld says, if he's such an awesome guys, perhaps you can cope.
4A friend of ours told my husband and me the meanest joke the other day, to which my husband laughed hysterically. I thought it was funny - I GUESS - but was really irritated by how heartily my husband laughed. I'll sum it up:
Husband & wife go to a ranch. The rancher tells them about each of the stud bulls - this one put out 100 times this year. (Wife shoots husband dirty look) This one put out 200 times this year. (another dirty look) This last bull put out 365 times this year. (Wife jabs her elbow into husband's side)
"How come you don't perform like that?!" asks the wife.
Husband replies, "Well, honey, he wasn't having sex with the same cow every night!"
Do our husbands think we are cows?
5Ha ha, that's pretty funny. But you know, there is some truth to it, probably on both ends.
I don't think it's in our makeup to only want one partner for our entire lives, biologically. That's what makes it so meaningful when two people decide to forgo other partners to only be with each other.
I think some willingness to acknowledge that it's not always an easy choice is healthy.
6That's profound pop.
7If the medical tests didn't show low testosterone levels, a common problem for which most doctors do not test.
8Maybe he's a bottom and needs you to be in control/dominating? Try telling him to give you oral for an hour by riding his face and see if he responds with excitement, then give him a bj and see if he's more or less enthusiastic.
If he totally enjoys you being in control, than you will have to be the agressor in the relationship.
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