No, OP - you're not dying - selfishness isn't fatal.

First, you need to stop making someone else responsible for your happiness - not your husband, not your stud. You're talking about a 25-year-old guy who is taking advantage of your extremely poor judgment and immaturity to break off a piece - he's not your prince, he's not the answer to your prayers, he's not going to solve your problems.

So who will solve the problems of your infidelity and unhappy marriage? Well, if you'd like to step up - you will. Stop cheating. Get yourself tested for STIs - and be prepared to share the results with your husband. Find a good therapist and a good marriage counselor. Clearly, you need to address the fact that your marriage has been sexless for the past two years, and whatever caused it to be, with the marriage counselor. You need to figure out why you thought screwing (and inexplicably - romanticizing) a local stud was a better answer to your unhappiness than keeping your vows, improving your marriage, and providing a stable environment for your children. Do that work with the therapist.

And finally, OP - stop whining. You can't imagine your life without this guy? You mean the guy who's not affectionate, doesn't particularly care for you, and is investing his time and energy in the relationships that are important to him? That's the guy you can't live without?

Dear, there is nothing cute, sexy, romantic, or epic about what you're doing. You're cheating, and you're risking your marriage and your children's whole world in doing so. What's so f'ing romantic about that?

My impression from reading your story is that you have really low self-esteem, and you need to have more of something in your life - maybe more social connection or purpose?

You seem to be going all out just because you and this guy "clicked". This isn't special enough to put yourself through so much over. You can click with lots of people! There needs to be more than that, and it doesn't sound like he's giving it to you. You should expect more for yourself.

I think you need to focus more on figuring out what you want out of life - you need to find happiness in yourself rather than looking for it in a man.

It's interesting that you mention that you're well-educated, as if you need to provide evidence of your worth. Maybe if you were more secure in yourself, you would be able to function better in your marriage and have more self-control?

Sorry if I'm being harsh. I really do hope you can move on from this and be happier. I just don't think you're treating yourself or your husband very well at all. Maybe you should try to reconnect to something that used to bring you joy. You can make yourself happy and you don't need this guy.

We are all apt to measure ourselves by our aspirations, instead of our performance.

But in reality the conduct of our lives is the only proof of the sincerity in our hearts. Anon

Don't be selfish. There is more to your life than just YOU. There is your husband and your children.

The answer to this is easy on paper. Break off all contact with this guy. Period. Even if that means changing jobs.

But I know how this works... you'll come up with lots of reasons that you can't do it, including that you're too weak or that you love him too much.

In life we only have control of our own action and behavior. Don't forget that.

Your somehow at a very low point emotionally. When you are there you will not be yourself at all. You won't be the same strong person you are. You will make bad decisions and then he will break your heart, and you could hurt others. Don't let it happen. You seem infatuated or at some point where you need attention. But in fact he does not understand any of this. He sees you as married and he has a girlfriend and that's it. There's nothing there but shadows and ideas in your mind. You need to run for your life away from all if this.

Thanks to all! You are all right...every point. I told myself the same things over and over and try to get over all this...but please give me some practical advice about what to do? I can stop any activities with him, but I can't stop my heart to thinking about him....You all seems so much stronger and much better self controlled...

jellyfish, it's easy to seem strong when you're not IN the situation. We've all struggled.

I promise you that if you stop seeing him and being in contact with him, you'll slowly stop thinking about him as well, and you'll get your life back. It will just take some time.

Good luck.

Jellyfish, it's hard. We are strong because we practice being strong every day. We are controlled because we practice control every day. Nobody just wakes up one day and does everything right... you have to practice putting what is right above what feels nice. When I'm feeling weak, I write in a journal or go for a run... anything to keep me from doing the thing I'm tempted to do that I know is wrong. When I start feeling sorry for myself, I stop and think about or do other things. It's not that I AM stronger, because I believe everyone has this in them... I PRACTICE doing the right things and accept that it is the best choice, even when it doesn't feel like it.

You know what would be really good practice for you? Whenever you catch yourself day-dreaming about how great it would be to be with this guy, cut yourself off. Do NOT indulge. Instead, force your brain to be real about the situation and say, "He is not a good enough man to do these things for me. He cheated on his girlfriend, and he would cheat on me, too." And believe it, because it's true. Your biggest problem is that you are choosing to be ignorant of the facts, hoping instead for a long-shot miracle to occur. That, and you threw morals and beliefs out the window, hoping Karma wasn't looking. Karma was chilling out under your window... Karma knows. If you can't believe he's a bad guy, believe Karma is a BIG B*tch and will come (no matter what) to give you exactly what you deserve.

Jellyfish, Pop and Notinthemood have given you really good advice. I was going to throw in a little advice about using cognitive therapy techniques to help turn your mind off to this guy.....but it is really similar to what Notinthemood described.

I think anyone who knows me would say I'm a strong woman, but honey, I learned a lot of lessons the hard way. Making decisions that allow me to walk the right path is something I do every day. Some days are pretty easy, other days are full of temptation. The secret really is in replacing the negative thought/activity with a positive one. When you start thinking about him, STOP. You just can't allow yourself to go there. Notinthemood has given you great suggestions about things to think about and/or do instead - take her advice.

You really have to accept that your continual fantasizing about this guy is what's feeding your obsession with him. I'm pretty sure that when you're thinking about him, you're not thinking about the experiences you've had with him....you're thinking what it would be like if....IF you were married; IF he loved you; IF he left his gf; IF he was helping you raise your kids. This fantasizing is the cause of your disproportionate emotional attachment to a guy who really doesn't do much more than throw one into you once in a while. You're in love with your FANTASY of him - not him. As soon as you stop fantasizing about him, his importance to you will shrink, and you'll be able to leave him in your past (where he should be). Does that make how you got here, and what you need to do to get out of here a little more understandable? I hope it helped.

Sometimes writing a list of all the things that aren't so great about him could help. Also meeting and seeing other men who have more can put things in perspective.

I agree with honeyknows. I think that you need to seek therapy. You are romanticizing this guy in your mind to be something other than what he actually is because you are unhappy and sexually frustrated in your marriage. (It is a classic case of the grass seems greener because you are unhappy on your side of the lawn right now). Your choices are to continue life the way you are living it now or to make a change for the better. If you want to continue being married to your husband, then you need to make a commitment to work on your marriage together. This could include seeing a sex therapist, sending him to a dr.(if erectile dysfunction is the problem), seeing a marriage counsellor and working on your communication skills and intimacy. If you are or your husband are not willing to do this, then it is time to walk away from your marriage. I think that oftentimes staying together for the sake of your children will just backfire. Children pick up on things, like they know when their parents are not happy together, they also often sense or eventually find out if one parent is cheating. Your children will be the ones that will feel most of the pain in this situation if you continue this affair. I know this because my dad cheated on my mom when I was a teen and everyone knew about it. I lost respect for my dad and me and my sisters all blamed him for many things as a result. Do you want your children to lose respect for you and to blame you for the marriage not working???

Look, you are either commited to your marriage or not. If you are not, then the mature thing to do is to end up before you end up hurting everyone involved. In regards to this guy, he has told you that he is happy in his relationship. This means that he has no intention of ever leaving his gf for you. To him, you were just some sex on the side to satisfy his urges. You need to take a cold hard look in the mirror and behave in a way which makes you feel proud of yourself. And BTW, no I am not perfect I have made many mistakes in my past relationships with men but in the end, I learned from them and now do things which make me feel proud of myself. I hope that you can do that too. Good luck.