I think I’m having a midlife crises. I’m 47, been happily married for 20 years, 1 stepdaughter who is married and has a 10-month-old daughter. I’ve met a man at work who is 35 and I’m completely smitten! We met 10 months ago, and it was just friendly chatter. Somehow getting to know him better has totally thrown me for a loop. He is physically completely opposite of what I usually find attractive in men. He is overweight (injuries from soccer took him out), balding, white and a Republican (though he says Independent). I’m in shape, 5”4’, 135lbs., black and a Democrat. How opposite can you get?! What caught my attention is he makes me laugh and he is smart. I’m a geek and grew up nerdy so brains have always been a turn on and I like to laugh. At 47, I’m in great shape, work out 6 hours a week and thanks to good genes look 10 years younger than I am from childhood. He didn’t know my age until my birthday came and other co-workers let the cat out of the bag. He teases me about being 12 years older and laughs because he thought we were the same age. He is married and has a toddler. I know it’s crazy but I was laughing with him one day and it hit me I’m falling for him. I don’t know how to back off. He doesn’t help because he complains if I ignore him and make sure that I talk to him. I think he knows I’m infatuated because my husband and my mother tell me my face is an open book. Sometimes we just look at each other and smile. It doesn’t help that my cube is across from his so all we have to do is turn to each other.
Will I get over this as time goes on? Women are always told about the “change of life”, which I’ve gone through. Is this another part of that change that no one talks about? What’s going on? In 20 years I’ve never been attracted or tempted to have an affair and now this big young boy comes along and without even trying I’m hooked! I think about him all the time. To make matters worse, my husband is 66 and while he is in good shape for his age (we met at a health club), he is older.
Can somebody tell me I’ll get my sanity back? I never planned to become a cougar! I'm even listening to love songs again. Help!
Do women have mid-life crises?
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Do women have mid-life crises?
Yes, I believe that they do.
1I'm sorry, did you say he's married and has a toddler? And you're actually considering having an affair with him? And you're concerned that would make you a "cougar?" That's such a sexy way to say homewrecking slag, isn't it?
Regardless of the impact on you and YOUR marriage, you obviously haven't considered the impact on HIS marriage. He has a young child, you goof, and you're a grown woman who knows better. Look, if you want to wreck your own marriage, there are plenty of men you can screw around with who aren't married, with small children, and work across the aisle from you.
Stop what you're doing. Stop fantasizing about him. Stop flirting. Stop romanticizing the ruination of your marriage and his marriage like some giddy school girl. You're on a knife's edge woman, and your idiot co-worker stays up late polishing the blade. Knock it off before everybody involved gets hurt.
2Uh. This will go nowhere unless you want few nights in the bedroom or something. And that's a bit beneath your standards for a married woman with a career. Are you willing to make a fool out of your husband and cause a lot of hurt? Willing to go to court after someone finds a receipt? This will become nothing but friends with benefits and a soap opera filled with selfish drama. In the end with his pants down he'll disappoint you anyway. Forget it.
3THANK YOU HoneyKnows! I wanted to say the exact same thing, but you said it perfectly.
4Honeyknows, you totally said it best!
OP, women can have mid-life crises, but no one should throw their morals out the window like that. And yes, there is a difference between Republican and Independent. Whatever your political persuasion, it's never okay to cheat on a spouse, so stop fantasizing and find ways to connect more with your family.
5Yes, although I don't think it is as common, I do think it is possible for a woman to have a midlife crisis. Is it possible that your older husband is less interested in you sexually due to his advancing age or that you are less attracted to him? I think that this younger guy probably gives you a nice ego boost that you are not used to having. While generally I would say that there is no harm in flirting with someone, in this case I would say that you need to stop. You sound dangerously close to have an affair with this man and it would not be fair to your family or to his wife and child. His wife probably does not give him as much attention as she used to because she is running around taking care of his baby. I think that you need to have a serious conversation with him over the phone or at work (do NOT meet with him outside of work) about the fact that you no longer feel comfortable with the situation and that you need for him to back off. Don't do something that you regret, you could damage too many peoples lives. Have you thought about the fact that your stepdaughter and people at work will lose all respect for you if anything happens? Don't be naive enough to think that these people will not find out, because they will. Good luck.
6RE:DO WOMEN HAVE MID-LIFE CRISES?
7Anyone can experience crises at any time. That is a big temptation on your happy marriage. Discipline yourself and confront the situation by talking to that man about your feeling. keep your marriage by separate yourself from that man. you can pray if you don't know how.
Thank you Honey Knows and all who commented. I created this profile just to respond to the comments. I needed that slap and shake. I’m so appreciative of the honest brutal truth. No “sugar” coating reality. I feel sick now just thinking about how close I got. Everyone is right, things do not happen in a vacuum and eventually everything would be discovered. Thank you all so much.
8Good for you Midlifecrises - you made a very good, moral decision. I'm proud of you.
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