Hello Blndeyy,

I'm trully touched by your story - Losing My Family,etc. You're very brave to share such a heart rendering moment as this with reader's. I too, have lost someone dear, whom I thought would be here to help me raise our precious little boy (Which I'm happily doing alone - for his healthy mindedness): Yet, she chose to leave him and me, and we love her still. Although, I can sense your pain, however, your story hits hme with me, in that I would not be able to live with myself, if ever my oldest daughter's were apart from our loving family ties. It sounds like you've sought the LORD and do have faith and that's what will see you through. I hope the best for you and just stay strong in Faith.

Thank you, Gerald, for your words of kindness. It means a lot. I know there are a lot of people out there who are hurting in some way, and I felt that that the words I put in my post might help someone. I know that the one way to get through loss and heartache is to open up and help 'others', so it was very therapeutic to write. Thanks again. =

Heart wrenching, and what a fantastic poem/quote that you put in your post. Those words are so true! I hope all works out well for you - I really do.

On your other blog *Iveenia* offered a good idea as well. I agree, write beautiful words on a card or in a note/letter.

I also think it should be short and to the point so they will not be able to say that it was too long and they could not understand it or have time to read it.

When people are angry they will use any excuse not to make up with you. Don't give them the opportunity. They should know that healing time has already taken place and should be over with, therefore the time to make up is now. Life is too short.

I want to address getting help for your illness first, because that's such an incredibly important part of your post. I don't know if you've explored your state's guidelines for enrollment in Medicaid, but please, please do that ASAP. (Although Medicaid is available in all 50 states, each state administers Medicaid according to it's own rules.) You may qualify, and many of the best hospitals very willingly accept Medicaid patients. Also, depending on what type of illness you have, there may be other options available at the state or federal level to help you. (I just went through this with a friend who was diagnosed with cervical cancer and is uninsured. We found a program in our state that is specifically designed to help uninsured women diagnosed with breast and/or cervical cancer, and it looks as though she'll be covered.) So help may be available for you, and I wanted to say that first because you need treatment.

Now to the rift between you and your family....I don't know what happened to cause it, so I can't really offer any advice on how it might be healed, if it can be healed, or even if it should be healed (and I'm not asking you to reveal more details about your situation). But since I don't know specifics, I don't know if your family may be the kind of people you're better off without (and I know that sounds incredibly harsh, but I don't mean it to sound that way). It's just quite shocking that they haven't put aside their differences with you to come to your aid when you're faced with a serious illness.

Let's face it - you're supposed to be able to count on your family in a crisis....you may not always love them, or like them, but you're all supposed to pull together when it counts. (I'm so sad that they're making your health problem all that much worse by not being supportive right now.)

So...their behavior sounds pretty dysfunctional, and as the mother of a 7-year-old girl, I can't understand what would make a parent turn their back on a child who is ill. That's why I'm wondering if you may be better off without them....maybe building yourself a new, supportive, loving family from the friends you have (a "family of choice" rather than your "family of origin"). You need love and support, and I tend to think that the people who provide that are the people who are worthy of being called "family."

For what it's worth, I speak from experience. My parents both died (each unexpectedly) almost 15 years ago. After they passed, many bad things happened between my brother and sisters and I. (I could tell you stories, but you'd swear I was making it up - it's that bad.) I can only confirm that there are things that can happen that can sever those family ties....after experiencing enough of them, I chose to have no further contact with my siblings. I still see my aunts, uncles and cousins regularly, but I don't seem my siblings.

I chose that drastic course of cation when it had become obvious that my siblings were absolutely not the people in my life that I could count on....they were not the people who would look out for me. Instead, they were the people who knew how to hurt me most deeply - and they were willing to do that. When I realized that, I had to walk away. It's been almost 15 years, and there are times when I miss having that sense of family (the history and connection that your siblings can provide)- but I don't miss my siblings, because they didn't behave like a family to me. On the bright side, I am lucky enough to have some wonderful relationships with dear people in my life - and they are the kind of people I can count on.

Please stay strong, and please look into how you can get treatment for your illness without your family's help. Taking care of yourself in a time like this can be very, very difficult - but you seem like you have the qualities and ability necessary to do that. Love and peace to you.

hi blondeyy, I am praying for you that God will work this all for good, for you. I don't know if your families hearts will turn back towards you, I don't know if they won't ever, all I do know is that God loves you and He will help you heal the hurt inside. Sounds cheesey, I know, but it's the truth Give Him a try! Love, Justanerd

Like everyone, I am hoping for the clouds to part in your sky very soon. Remain faithful that God works in mysterious ways, and you will find strength in yourself when you feel the weakest. This too shall pass..

Don't know you, don't know if you're married and have children (which are also your family...sort of like a new family), but I always believe family are the most important thing. They come first before friends. I would just show up to their place, since in person contact seems to be the one thing everyone is scared of when dealing with relationships. Show up in person, talk it out. Write down everything you want to say before you show up. Do all you can to mend fence on your end. Sometimes that may mean apologizing for things that aren't your fault or making compromises, whatever the case may be. By that I don't mean become a doormat, but when considering the definition of love, especially unconditional love, family is usually the first operational definition. You can only go so far, and when you feel like you've exhausted all your options, move on with your life. It's up to you to leave the door open or closed for them. It will hurt, you will always think about them but you have to go on living. I must say, you're a pretty strong person to be able to deal with this. Not everyone can, and not just anyone can.

*****Thank you GScott. I tried one last time to take the 'high road' and apologize. I sent a card stating that "My family is worth more than some silly argument". Nothing.

I had to ask my father for some money to see an oncologist. He did end up sending 200 bucks to me after I had to beg him, but with the most hateful e-mail I could ever have imagined.

You see, he has to live with my mother, so he HAS to go by what she tells him to do. Adn my mother LOVES vendettas. She didn't speak to my brother for five years... So, unfortunately, this has come to its final 'stage' so to speak.

I have sent my family a good-bye letter stating that I couldn't believe that they have abandoned me - especially during a time of serious illness. I told my father that I wanted to put a period on this relationship, and said "I don't want you in my life anymore as it is too painful". I guess sometimes you have to cut people out of your life, but it has been the most horrible thing I have ever gone through.

In my letter, I said "Dad, don't you remember me? I'm your daughter" "I'm the one who used to run up to you and wrap my arms around your neck when I was a little girl and beg you not to go to work"..... Well, I just brought up a whole lot of memories we had together, and............. nothing.... So, I guess it is just OVER.

***The sadness WILL last a lifetime, the pain will last for awhile, and the memories will last forever.... Done.

You can only control you. Looks like you've put in your part. Just move on, create your own life, stay positive. When you love something/when something loves you, it will/may come back eventually. Just takes time. Just take care of yourself in the end they're the ones that have to pay for it.

Thank you Gscott.

God Bless & Good Luck to you