My boyfriend has a female friend that he's known since he was a teenager. This chick is your basic nightmare. She's charming, beautiful, really funny, but she has a really wicked sense of humor. I'm talking mean. She's also totally passive aggressive. She makes sly, mean little comments, gives back handed compliments, and doles out blatant put-downs. She talks at lightning speed all the time. Brags incessantly about her life. And sucks the air out of every room she walks into. She's also got a trail of wreckage a mile long. And has burned out her dating prospects in her hometown so badly that she is known as fire crotch. And if that ain't bad enough, in a slightly humorous and completely self-defacing gesture, she decided to get a tattoo of flames above her va-jay-jay, reaching out of her bathing suit top, with a banner flanked by two guns that reads "Feelin' Lucky?" I SH*T YOU NOT. She thinks it's hilarious. Oh did I mention that her name is Tenessee? I'm not kidding. It's her given name. I guess her parents were hoping she'd aim low and maybe pursue a career in stripping, porn, or truck stop hooking. But I digress . . . Did I mention that if you call her on any of her sh*t - waterworks. Tears. She becomes deeply wounded that you would be so mean as to dislike her for being a complete tool.
Me I'm a total doormat. When I hang out with her I usually end up doing her bidding because I hate conflict and will avoid it at all costs.
Last year she came to town, and stayed with us for ten days, didn't rent a car and had me drive her all over creation in search of god knows what whim suited her at the time. (I did it as a favor to my man because his work schedule was nuts during the time of her visit.) And I was the one that spent the majority of her visit with her and I felt like I had to go along with it because I didn't want to be mean to one of my boyfriend's friends.
I felt like I had no right to tell her to f*ck off because it would start a big and uncomfortable fight between me and my man about someone I didn't actually give 1/2 of a sh*t about. Besides I knew that's what she wanted; to get all up in the sauce and get us to fight over her craziness. But as soon as she left town, me and my man had a knock down drag out fight over her. Which ended with me telling him that she's HIS friend and HE can hang out with her whenever he wants, but to leave me out of it because I think she sucks and she takes too much time and energy with her wacky stories, complaints, bragging, insults and general air of entitlement. He told me that he could be friends with whomever he wanted. And I told him to have at it cause I wasn't gonna stand in the way of him and certain misery.
But after a few phone calls with Miss Tenessee, he got burned. She spewed her passive-aggressive venom his way. She basically put him down and told him he was a loser for the apartment we lived in and the job he held. He was livid. And vowed never to speak to her again . . .
Here's the conundrum. She and I work in the same industry and have reason to see one another from time to time. I know that I can be civil toward her and even have a laugh, but she's a smooth mover, and a total conwoman. After one conversation she'll be moving into my second bedroom, telling me her sob story, while I spoon chicken soup into her mouth as she tries to steal the money outta my pocket and the d*ck offa my man. Or if I snub her then she's pour the hate on full force and badmouth my @ss from here to Indonesia. And lately she's been sending me emails and facebook messages. I don't respond to them but it tears me up to do so because I feel like I'm being mean, and I want everyone to like me, I am a people pleasing summa b*tch.
What do I do? If you were me. what would you do?
J Taylor
Desigual
Stuart Weitzman
get therapy
1Step 1:Continue to ignore/not answer her e-mails and messages.
Step 2:If accidentally meet each other, just keep it to basic chit-chat and then stop talking and excuse yourself.
Step 3:If she insisted on meeting up beside work, just say 'How about you give me a call sometime next month/week after we check our calendar.' Then go back to step 1.
Therapy doesn't sound too bad too if you think you're extremely a doormat who's incapable of saying 'no.'
*Unconditional love is a beautiful thing, just be sure to give it AFTER your conditions have been met.*
2You guys are willingly involved with this girl. Stop complaining and just do something about it.
3I am not entirely sure what to you should do,but your description was absolutely hilarious!It would be helpful to know the origin of their relationship?I have found that just acting the better person is always the best route.Meaning stay neutral,be polite but don't get sucked into drama.There can be no conflict if a person chooses not to engage.I am curious,do you resent your boyfriend on any level about this?You sound like a teamplayer I just hope you get the ball evey once in a while! I don't know you,but I love your humor!Good luck!
4Nevaeh is right on the money. I agree with everything she said. Also, you do need to talk to somebody about letting some crazy b!tch stomp all over you just because you didnt want to be "rude" to your man's friend. She was being a b!tch, put her in her place. That goes for everything. Do you think people you work with respect if you if you cant stand up for yourself?
In the wise words of Ferris Bueller "You can't respect somebody who kisses your ass." That includes your man, your friends and even your family. Stand up for yourself and deal with the consequences later.
"Those who cannot learn from history are doomed to repeat it"
5You can't stand this person, but you continue contact because you "feel like you're being mean and want everyone to like you"?
Sorry to say this, but she isn't the problem, YOU are. She is causing conflict between you and your boyfriend, she trash talks about you when she's feeling snubbed, tell me, what is it about this "friendship" that is worth keeping?
You need to grow a pair and just tell her that you are no longer interested in a relationship, but would like to keep it civil at work. I would also let her know that "trash talking" you to work colleagues is considered unprofessional, and you may need to take legal action if it occurs. There is such a thing as "hostile work environment".... I am no lawyer, but sometimes it is just the threat of looking into action that will make someone think twice about mixing personal drama with business.
You boyfriend also needs to find his balls and back you up. If he doesn't, then that is a WHOLE other issue that has nothing to do with this girl.
Good Luck.
6Oh I totally resent my boyfriend for bringing this sh*t storm of drama in to my life. But I feel like i set my limit and I can only wait until his dumb @ss finds things out for himself. (And I suspect he already has) Nonetheless, I will take the advice, get therapy and continue to ignore the calls, emails, facebook messages, texts, all of it.
7First of all, I cannot figure out what part of this post is hilareous. I am actually pretty upset that I DID read the whole thing. What this post actually is, is sad, pathetic, and reeks of insecurity. You claim you two are in the same industry, so does that mean you are a stripper also? You shouldnt talk down on someone about how they are basic white trash and then equate yourself with them...it just makes you look bad. Serioulsly, take a page out of your boyfriends townspeople and ignore this idiot. How has he not tired of her yet if everyone else has? Are they sleeping together? Grow some figurative balls woman, you need to put a stop to this!
8Did Lindsay Lohan come visit you? Because she's putting on a big act. You need to fizzle out her flame.
9She seems like she wants to be friends but then she freeloads off you and puts you both down. If she tries for more contact or visits again (if is the word) tell her she will have to stay in a hotel nearby. As a grown woman she should be able to rent her own car too. If she doesn't have the money then that's her problem. She sounds pathetic to be honest. Or worse she could have a real mental health issue? I would get tired of her attitude and her cutting remarks. The fact that she's in the same industry as you just isn't
enough reason to keep in touch.
It sounds like you are the passive aggressive one, not her. She's just aggressive. It would help you to grow a spine and stand up for yourself and what you want every once in a while. If something doesn't suit you, say so... that's your right. Most people can spot a con after one or two interactions, so really, most people who know her probably know how she is. Her opinion shouldn't mean much to them, just as it shouldn't mean much to you, so you're no worse for the wear. Laugh her off, be kind and positive, and you'll be fine. I have to say, though... it sounds like your boyfriend sucks. I'd question why he keeps this girl around as a friend... what kind of friend is she, exactly?
10If I were you I would tell her what you think she's been doing. Tell her CAMLY and KINDLY and make her listen, ignore not wanting go, ignore the waterworks, just tell her. Then it's up to HER to dicide what to do about it. Best of luck!
11Hey I used to be just like you but you know there is sometimes you just should say f*ck you and the horse you rode in on!!! You DO NOT have succumb to her whims! And she is DEFINITELY not your master!!!
12Tell her she needs a good shrink to speak with on all her problems and you need to find something else to do than waste half your life with a loser!!!
Wow! It's almost frightening how similar this story is to what I am going through right now in my life with my boyfriend's bff. I've never called her on her crap to her face so I don't know if she'd have the same tearful reaction. I think my man knows better than to leave us alone together. So thank goodness for that. She and I also work in the same industry. It's as if my boyfriend clearly knows she's a mess and although she hasn't been a very good friend at all to my boyfriend since I've known her, he refuses to accept that she's changed. He's blinded by the nostalgia of the close friendship they used to have and won't let her go even though half the time she ignores all of his emails and phone calls. But when she finally comes around or pays any attention to him, he drops everything like a fool.
13Post A Comment
To post comments, please log in or register.