My boyfriend has a female friend that he's known since he was a teenager. This chick is your basic nightmare. She's charming, beautiful, really funny, but she has a really wicked sense of humor. I'm talking mean. She's also totally passive aggressive. She makes sly, mean little comments, gives back handed compliments, and doles out blatant put-downs. She talks at lightning speed all the time. Brags incessantly about her life. And sucks the air out of every room she walks into. She's also got a trail of wreckage a mile long. And has burned out her dating prospects in her hometown so badly that she is known as fire crotch. And if that ain't bad enough, in a slightly humorous and completely self-defacing gesture, she decided to get a tattoo of flames above her va-jay-jay, reaching out of her bathing suit top, with a banner flanked by two guns that reads "Feelin' Lucky?" I SH*T YOU NOT. She thinks it's hilarious. Oh did I mention that her name is Tenessee? I'm not kidding. It's her given name. I guess her parents were hoping she'd aim low and maybe pursue a career in stripping, porn, or truck stop hooking. But I digress . . . Did I mention that if you call her on any of her sh*t - waterworks. Tears. She becomes deeply wounded that you would be so mean as to dislike her for being a complete tool.

Me I'm a total doormat. When I hang out with her I usually end up doing her bidding because I hate conflict and will avoid it at all costs.

Last year she came to town, and stayed with us for ten days, didn't rent a car and had me drive her all over creation in search of god knows what whim suited her at the time. (I did it as a favor to my man because his work schedule was nuts during the time of her visit.) And I was the one that spent the majority of her visit with her and I felt like I had to go along with it because I didn't want to be mean to one of my boyfriend's friends.

I felt like I had no right to tell her to f*ck off because it would start a big and uncomfortable fight between me and my man about someone I didn't actually give 1/2 of a sh*t about. Besides I knew that's what she wanted; to get all up in the sauce and get us to fight over her craziness. But as soon as she left town, me and my man had a knock down drag out fight over her. Which ended with me telling him that she's HIS friend and HE can hang out with her whenever he wants, but to leave me out of it because I think she sucks and she takes too much time and energy with her wacky stories, complaints, bragging, insults and general air of entitlement. He told me that he could be friends with whomever he wanted. And I told him to have at it cause I wasn't gonna stand in the way of him and certain misery.

But after a few phone calls with Miss Tenessee, he got burned. She spewed her passive-aggressive venom his way. She basically put him down and told him he was a loser for the apartment we lived in and the job he held. He was livid. And vowed never to speak to her again . . .

Here's the conundrum. She and I work in the same industry and have reason to see one another from time to time. I know that I can be civil toward her and even have a laugh, but she's a smooth mover, and a total conwoman. After one conversation she'll be moving into my second bedroom, telling me her sob story, while I spoon chicken soup into her mouth as she tries to steal the money outta my pocket and the d*ck offa my man. Or if I snub her then she's pour the hate on full force and badmouth my @ss from here to Indonesia. And lately she's been sending me emails and facebook messages. I don't respond to them but it tears me up to do so because I feel like I'm being mean, and I want everyone to like me, I am a people pleasing summa b*tch.

What do I do? If you were me. what would you do?


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