If you don't like it can he ask that he not do it around you? I understand you don't like drugs, but he does have a point. It is definitely better than cigarettes, drinking, or the hardcore drugs. My dad smoked pot when I was a kid, but never did it in front of my brother or I, or even in the house. You have been dealing with it for three years. It would have been better to talk about it sooner than later. You can't expect him to stop, all you can ask is that he not do it around you. If it's a deal breaker for you, then move on.

if it was something he was doing regularly and it bothered you then why would you get involved with this guy? an addiction is an addiction and you can't expect someone to just "grow out of it" cuz its not going to happen. his friends that are doing this around their families especially children are subjecting their kids to ABUSE. i think if youre just worried about having a family and him smoking around your kids, then maybe you should tell him he should smoke outside/ limit his use/ and let him know that there will be no smoking around children (yours or anyone elses). if that doesn't work, youll have to decide if you want to live in this lifestyle.

My husband smokes pot, only one day a week and not at my house, I knew it when i married him and accepted it. If I didnt, we wouldnt be married! If it bugs you, and he doesnt care, it will turn into so much more than you think, put your foot down now and if he doesnt give you what you want, than say goodbye, but once you marry him? you have no right to complain about it!

Well, regardless my personal pov about pots or any other substances...I agree with MissJules, if it bothered you so very much, why did you get together with him and stay with him this whole time? You can't expect him to 'grow out of it' or change his way (believe me, expecting a guy to change his habit is just futile). And if it involves addiction, I'm sorry, it has to be him who 1) wants to quit and does it (and even so, it'll be a forever 'recovery')
2)do you really think that he thinks his habit is an addiction in the first place anyway? He has to recognize it as an addiction in the first place.

Tell him how you feel now and see what he says and does, if you don't get what you want, your options are only two: Either accept it (and yes, even accept the fact that he's too inconsiderate that he MAY even smoke pot in front of your children) or leave him.

Good luck.

*Unconditional love is a beautiful thing, just be sure to give it AFTER your conditions have been met.*

Yikes! Multiple times every day? If he's been doing this since he was a teenager, he's never going to quit. It's actually worse than alcohol because at least with alcohol you feel like sh*t afterwards and this might force someone to shape up. But with pot, someone can just coast forever... Plus, the fact that you have put up with it for three years gives him the idea that it's "okay." He's not going to change. Do you really want a pothead for a boyfriend? I think there's only one solution. Leave.

Put your foot down or leave him alone? Neither. DUMP HIM. He's a pothead and you deserve better. Walk out that door and tell him not to call you till he's been sober for 6 months.

It is not a good idea to ever enter into a relationship with the idea that you can or will ever change the other person. He will only change his habits if or when he decided to on his own. If you do not think that he will change, then you need to decide if you are ok with this in a partner. You do have the right to limit his use when around your children, but eventually they will catch on to what he is doing when they reach a certain age. Personally, I live in British Columbia, and smoking weed is very common here so I don't think it is a big deal. I smoke weed on occasion and I prefer it to drinking. However, I am not addicted and do not do it every day like your bf. You need to decide if it is a deal breaker for you.

Good luck.

"We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts we make the world." Buddha

Wow, if he does that much weed, do you even know the real him? Or is he always high?

I would run from this one....I can't believe people would smoke weed around small children and babies.
That is f@cked up.

I won't ever say smoking weed in front of kids is okay. because it's not. but neither is drinking. some people are more dangerous drunk than stoned.

lots of people who smoke weed are productive members of society so it's unfair to say that she "deserves better" than a pothead. my bf gets stoned as much as your bf and he runs his own business (he's 21) and donates to charity all the time.

you knew he smoked when you started dating him so you accepted it right off the bat. I will say that it's more than fair for him to agree to never smoke anything in front of children, be it friends' kids or yours and his.

I wish we would just decriminalize marijuana and just tax it so that people could see its benefits and it wouldn't be taboo anymore. ..hey, I can dream.

Another case of trying to change someone. You can't change people. You knew what you were getting into. You can either accept it or leave. My bf smokes everyday too and I knew that before we even started dating. I don't smoke except for once in a blue moon. I would never dream of waltzing into his life and forbidding him from smoking pot. Thankfully he's smart enough to not smoke in front children. You have to accept your partner all or nothing or IMO it's not worth it.

***UPDATE***
I confronted him, yet again, for my concerns and his reply was that he will quit whenever he is ready. He does not want to do it for the rest of his life, but with the pressure from work and having to supervise a crew is hard on him and when he gets home he just wants to smoke a bit to take the edge off.

He also said how I've been focusing just on this one bad thing and failed to realize all the good he has been doing. He HAS changed for the better..for ME..because he does love me.

I believe that this will all be better soon. I just have to be patient and remember not try to change someone because I fell in love with HIM...not what I wanted him to be later on down the line.

Thank you all for your support and advice!!!

I'm glad you talked to him but what he gave you was a CLASSIC drug addict answer, that he can quit anytime. This is bullsh*t. And just because he has cleaned up in other areas of his life does not mean that he gets a free pass with the pot-smoking. He smokes to take the edge off of supervising a crew? How lame is that? It's time to wake up, girl.

If you can live with that promise, then so be it.
Although like sabrinaland, I'd say that he can't quit anytime he's ready, esp. if it's an addiction. It'll have to take hard work, so I doubt that he will ever do so esp. if his circle actually encourages his habit, honestly, but hey, I could be wrong and it's your relationship and your choice.

If I were you, I'd have concern about his work, because some workplace requires the employees to have drug test (random), that's how it is with my hub's work, and I heard that marijuana stays in your system for at least 30 days or something like that. And positive result usually can end up with losing the job. But maybe it's not a problem with his workplace though.

*Unconditional love is a beautiful thing, just be sure to give it AFTER your conditions have been met.*

The "taking the edge off" excuse is lame, but I'm glad this guy is at least telling you he's not going to quit for you. Lying so you'd stay would be way worse.

Ask yourself what bothers you about it. How he behaves? Or just that it's illegal?

Ask yourself if you can live with this long term.

Don't ever count on someone changing.

Are you kidding? Put your foot down. I have a list of reasons. He's too way old to be doing drugs. After 20 it's not cute anymore. If he smokes multiple times a day then he won't ever hold down a job or drive a car. The line about it's better than heavy drugs is childish mentality. What is that supposed to mean? You're supposed to thank him? It's illegal and expensive. It's bad for you. (I did a science report in college on how it affects certain centers of the brain. Especially the speech centers. You will notice he talks slower than normal and can't think clearly even when he's not smoking from permanent damage.)
It's believed to cause fertility problems and possible birth defects. And lastly there are plenty of better men walking around this planet who don't need to rely on that crap to feel good. Besides wouldn't you rather be out doing something than searching for the couch potato having his third fix of the day?

All addicts say they can quit whenever they want. This dude is never going to quit. It makes me wonder why you even got involved with him if you disapproved of his lifestyle.

dikke kus:
I just had to laugh when I read your comment that since he smokes weed multiple times a day he will never be able to hold down a job or drive a car. While I agree that it is probably not a smart idea to drive after smoking, I know a lot of people that smoke weed that hold down good jobs, or are working on university degrees. They may not do it every single day, but at least once or twice a week. In fact, I have a friend who smokes a couple times a week and is just finishing his master's degree in Psychology, he is a straight A student. I know a nurse who smokes it, a teacher, a bank manager and a college professor with a doctorate. Obviously, they do not sit on the couch everyday, in fact my friend who is the nurse is in excellent shape, she regularly goes to the gym and hikes. A lot of people smoke week in B.C., it is very common here. I am not saying that this means it does not cause any ill effects, however. The only way that smoking weed could cause birth defects would be if a woman smoked it during her pregnancy. Personally, I believe in everything in moderation. Obviously the OP's boyfriend is addicted or excessively consuming it. Just like with any substance, it must be used in moderation. I would suspect that the OP's bf is addicted to it, using it for stress relief or to cope with his emotions. That is not healthy.

"We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts we make the world." Buddha

i agree with janine... i know plenty of people who hold down jobs and function much like the rest of us if not better and they smoke everyday or often. the question here is not if what he's doing is wrong (its illegal so regardless of my opinion on the subject it doesnt matter) the fact is... the smoking is bothering the girlfriend. she should never have gotten with someone under the presumption that he would grow out of it or change for her. if this was something she didnt agree with she never should have gone out with him and she never should have let it go on for as long as she did and expect change now. its just not realistic.

Janine 22. I read your comment and I know a bit about your view. I have seen people who are addicts and also people who I call the experts. But this guy is an addict. I have one girlfriend who does it. Everything is great and perfect and the world is wonderful and then, she feels tired. She doesn't feel good. She needs to stop and get something to eat. How is that good? I'm ready to enjoy the day and she's coming down. Also I had a boyfriend in college too who smoked quite a bit of it. He was pretty careful with his grades and he functioned pretty well, but there were some telling signs from the drug. His speech just seemed slow to me. He was an architect and he claimed he could be more creative when he was high. In the end after watching carefully I didn't think he did much of anything after smoking it except reach in his refrigerator for something to eat. I was not impressed.

I have a really good friend who's a total pothead. And I love him to pieces, but being a pothead is holding him back in a lot of ways. (He's 31, fwiw.) I love him and we'll always be friends, but it bums me out that smoking pot is such a big part of his life — mostly because he can't hang out without being high. I have other friends who smoke pot now and then, and it's no big deal because it's occasional, and they don't NEED to smoke pot to get through the day like my other friend does.

Personally — and this is just me speaking — I don't smoke pot, don't care if friends do, but would not get into a relationship with someone who smoked a lot of weed or drank a lot.

To the original poster: He is not going to change. So you need to decide whether you can live with the daily pot smoking. Personally, it wouldn't work for me, but it's your call. But don't imagine you can (or should try to) change him. Accept him as he is and decide how you want to proceed.

Got to agree with the always wise BellaSugar!

I have no problem with people that smoke pot. It's absurd that it's not legal - though I am too obsessed with running to do it myself. My main problem with pot smokers is that it changes the brain chemistry of people who do it often. They lose career drive and an ability to make emotional connections. This is not a quality I could have in a boyfriend, much less a husband.

It's strange you have stayed with him yet say it bothers you. But, if I were in your shoes, I would not choose to stay.