This might take long.
My boyfriend's mother has despised every single girl he has brought home to meet. His family is chinese and I am white. Although this has nothing to do with race he has had asian girlfriends he has taken home before and she has absolutely despised every single of them. This has upset my boyfriend so much that he was in tears last night because I have met his mother twice. First I was introduced as a friend just to keep the peace but over the weekend we spent at his mothers I was his girlfriend. She is rather strange that while we were visiting I hardly saw her. She didn't even take the time to get to know me. Not once. I felt bad I told my boyfriend why aren't you spending time with your mom. She hardly gets to see him as we stay in different towns but she was out of sight the whole time. I don't know if it is becuase I am suddenly in the picture. She has caused so much hurt with all her judgment over his other girlfriends that she. There is always the question to whether she has a degree or not. Is she qualified in something. I have nothing. I have absolutely nothing. The only qualification I have was a course I did to do flight reservations for the company I work for. I am slowly building up on that. His mother knows nothing about me. I didn't even get the chance to speak to her. She was never around. She just wasn't interested in anyone's business.
Now over the weekened my bf heard his mother talking online with his father that is overseas. He happened to hear her that that I am the one that was just a friend. It's the same girl as last time. I don't think she has a degree. She probably has nothing. That is straight from her mouth what he heard. I was down stairs at the time. He told me all of this last night after we got back.
If I could just explain what disaster his mother has caused just because she has literally hated any girl he has ever brought home. No matter what they do and they have all seemed like really nice girls. I honestly don't know what she expects her sons to have. What the ideal women is? There has been so much drama in his family. It's almost as if he is treated like a god, as though he should only marry someone rich and famous and that he must become the president of the world.
I know this all seems petty. I just can't express it enough how hurt he is by this all. He is worried that this now my turn to feel all the pain and drama that is about to begin because I am in her son's life.
SOOOOO MUCH DRAMA I can't express it all here. What could it be deep down inside her that makes her feel this way? Could it be that she might actually be jealous of her son's and the women they bring home. His brothers won't ever take a girl home because they have seen what it has done to him. Why is she so judgemental when she can hardly take a second to even say hello and make conversation. I felt so awkard that I have caused stir just by being there over the weekend. I do believe has has come from a good home. He was able to go to University but what more do they expect from him. I know this is just the beginning to something worse to come. I just know it and I am scared. I haven't done anything wrong yet every girl is terrible in her eyes. We are useless in her eyes!!! I'd just like to get to the bottom of things. Why is she like this? What could be the cause to make her feel this way EVERY SINGLE TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It has to be something deep down inside her. What could be the underlying problem. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is going to get out of hand. I know it. Because of all this he has refused to ever speak to his family. It tears me up hearing that because family so so so important.
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Vive Maria
Steve Madden
i dont think this has anything to do with you or the other girls. its a woman being over protective of her son (in a very craaaazy way). even if you or the other girls were chinese or had multiple degrees or came from a well known wealthy family, she would still find something to pick out that "is unacceptable).
also i have no idea why your boyfriend felt the need to tell you what she thought of you cuz now youre going to rush to be defensive and it just ate away at your self esteem. you knew she was a problem, and he didn't need to go into detail cuz all it was going to do was further hurt your feelings. you know that you don't have a degree. theres plenty of billionaires out there that didn't even graduate high school. if you have ambition, youre smart, you know what you want etc... you won't need a piece of paper to tell you that or validate you to some crazy and bored woman who has nothing better to do than to put her sons down and jude complete strangers.
how did she find out you didn't have a degree or any of those negative things she said about you if she didn't spend time with you or speak with you? my guess is your boyfriend said something to her. just sayin.
ask your boyfriend what he sees in you that makes him want to be with you. ask him to convey that to his mother and for her to give you a chance. my guess is she won't, and if he keeps being her b*tch then he's going to end up living with her and alone at a very old age. he needs to start sticking up for himself and the girls he brings home. if she doesnt like you its not a reflection of you, its a reflection of his choices and she shouldnt be taking that out on u.
you have to decide if you want to continue putting up with this. personally, i would never.
1Newsflash: none of this is your problem. None of it.
Your boyfriend has to learn how to deal with his mother if he ever wants to be in a long-term, loving relationship. There is absolutely nothing you can do. So, focus on building a strong relationship with your boyfriend, and hopefully he'll work on getting his mother to respect him, his choices and his girlfriend.
2I agree with the other two comments... You may be frustrated, but there is nothing you can do about it. This is between his overprotective mom and your boyfriend, who she doesn't seem to respect.
He needs to learn to manage all that crazy...
3Take Louisa's advice and ignore this crazy woman. Your relationship is between you and your boyfriend. If his mother decides not to be supportive of her sons dating then she will soon find herself with very little family left.
4I agree, this is your bf's problem, not yours. If I were you, I would not agree to visit her again. Your bf needs to grow a pair and tell his mom exactly how he feels, it is not your responsibility. Good luck.
"We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts we make the world." Buddha
5Stay close to you boyfriend and be loving to one another. I would try to sit down and talk everything over. Promise to carry each other through these circumstances. Talk together more of Chinese culture and what he knows about discrimination and if he sees that coming from his mother. Maybe that is the first complication going on here. Sorry to bring a movie into it but if you ever see Bruce Lees story with his white wife Linda? In the movie there was quite a lot of trouble from their families over that. That withstanding you should be aware that all men MUST side with their wife or girlfriend OVER their mother. That's what the experts and the books here say. Its self preservation. Otherwise these guys will never have a life or future or family of their own. He knows and senses this already. Be happy that he defies his mother and acts like a man for you and stands up to her selfish controlling behavior. There is no greater compliment than what he is striving to do for you now. His mother is really something. I would ask myself if she has ever undergone some professional therapy? She could be bordering on sociopaths behavior. They never recognize the rights of others and see their self-serving behaviors as permissible. She may be secretive, authoritarian, and paranoid. So watch out. I would think things could improve over time if some boundaries are clearly made and a few short controlled visits would be OK. He will have to be the one to buffer the war zone though if it starts up. In any case good luck. You will have to be strong person to put up with whats in store for you. Dare I mention one nice thing, I know Chinese people love grandchildren.....
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