Work has become extremely stressful and I've gone from being comfortable in my work to sometimes feeling like I don't know what the hell I'm doing. I also have an elderly parent that displays mental illness and paranoia but she's in denial and doesn't want to hear anything about it. I can't talk to her about it at all anymore without it starting an argument so I've stopped bringing it up and try not to respond to her when she starts talking crazy. I'm so stressed out and upset about the things happening around me. I'm starting to turn to alcohol to get the edge off. I used to rarely drink (rarely meaning socially- one day every 2 or 3 months) so a bottle of beer or a couple of shots are all I need to feel the affect. I do this about 2-3x a week. It helps for the time but when it wears off I have the same problems. I really wish my mom would get help and if she does I can probably focus on work and not have to drink and feel so depressed. How do you help a family member that doesn't think they need help? How can you enjoy your life while your family is falling apart? Right now I'm trying to figure out a way to be able to drink without it negatively affecting my health.
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Oliver Bonas
Miriam Ocariz
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You need a support system, and fast. Start calling around until you get the help you need. Start with your department of Health and Welfare. Call and tell them you have an elderly parent who needs help but won't get it, and that you can't be in charge of that person anymore. Ask where they can direct you for help.
Don't let personal problems sink you at work. When you're there, try to focus on your job only - don't take calls or read e-mails that'll stress you out about what's going on at home.
Every time you get the urge to drink, do something else. Take a walk, call someone, join a boxing gym. If you find that you can't stop drinking, call the local AA and start attending meetings. They're totally free and you'll find you're not the only one who started out drinking to deal with stress.
The bottom line is: don't try to take this all on yourself. Ask for help.
1It sounds as though you live with your mother. If that is the case, see if you can move out for your own sanity. You're no good to anyone (or yourself) if you are constantly under stress. Maybe once she doesn't have you around anymore she'll agree that she needs help from an outside source.
2If this is not the case, just look after yourself the best you can. Go back to basics. Eat well, stop drinking, get some fresh air and exercise, join an art class one day a week to get you doing something different and creative... but most of all, talk to someone. Be your own warrior. As for your job, is there another department you could work in? I have a stressful job and one day I was asked to help out in the finance department. It turned out to be strangely relaxing.
I agree with the above ladies. Yes, get help!! Drinking doesn't solve problems long term, and often just creates more. Get help for your mom, too. Is she seeing someone, a doctor she trusts maybe, that may be able to explain to her what's happening? If she is aware of what is going on she may be more willing to take medication and keep her sanity more often.
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